Rensselaer Union, Volume 10, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 February 1878 — MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS. [ARTICLE]

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

—Light work: Sawing tSe air. —A Pennsylvanian has died from the bite of a man. —Money is well spent in purchasing tranquillity of mind. —Washington is a paradise for dressmakers and milliners. —Greece has at length let slip her dogs of war—puppies, probably. —A woman in Meriwether County, Ga., never had any linger or toe-nails. to maintain u unanimity* nmongyyour feet. —They are burning corn for fuel in some paits of lowa. It is cheaper than wood. —“And what makes my little Johnny so cross this morning?’ 1 “Dot up —The denizens of the oil regions live on the fat of the land. Turner's Falls Reporter. -r-The wife who is presented with a new water-proof by her husband exclaims, “Water-proof of affection!” —Young man, learn to wait; if you undertake to set a hen before she is ready you will lose your time and confuse the hen beside. —A patriotic man in Kennebunk, Me., has painted his house and barn from foundation to roof with alternate bands of red, white and blue. At each corner of the house is a huge union jack about seven feetwide, and the chimneys are painted with the national colors, and studded with stars. —Nothing makes the average tramp stfmad as to find a bottle with a German label on it in the road. While he is almost certain that the bottle contains whisky, there is a lingering suspicion that it is medicine for a sore toe, and between the two doubts lie goes thirsty. — Detroit Free Press. —“ What are you after, my dear?” said a grandmother to a little boj*, who was sliding along a room, and casting furtive glances at a gentleman who was paying a visit. “ I am trying, grandma, to steal papa’s hat ont of the room without letting the gentleman know it; he wants him to think lie's out.” —An Irish clergyman once broke ofl the thread of his discourse, and thus addressed the congregation: “My dear brethren, let me tell you I am just halt through my sermon; but as I perceive your impatience, I will say that the remaining half is not more than a quarter as long as that yon have just heard.”

—“ Brudvin,” said an elderly colored preacher in the course of a funeral sermon over the remains of one of his flock whose head had bebn caved in by the hind feet of a mule. “ hrud’rin, it am pow’ful strange dat after mo’n a hundred years of ’sastrous ’speriment, a cullnd pusson should pussist in proacling a mule from de r’ar.” The following “-death -notice” 4stranslated literally from a Zurich newspaper: “I communicate to all my friends and acquaintances the sad news that at three p. m. to-morrow I shall incinerate, according to all the rules of art, my late mother-in-law, who has fallen asleep with faith in her Lord. The funeral urn will be placed near the furnace. The profoundly afflicted son-in-law, Brandolf Lichtier.” —Even a newspaper man finds it hard sometimes to believe everything he sees in print. _At any rate "that’s the way it affected us the other day when a nine-year-old boy appealed to our generosity by laying before us a card setting forth in unshrinking double pica that he was a poor widow and the mother of five children. There’s no fancy in this—pure undiluted truth. ■—-Cincinnati Breakfast Table.

—A letter from Batavia, N. Y., dated Jan. 18, says: “ About 10:30 this morning the house of Austin Miner, a farmer, living on the. eastern outskirts of Batavia, was consumed by fire, with all its contents, and a voting, lady, daughter of Mr. Miner, was burned to death. She had escaped from the house unharmed, but supposing, in the confu’sion, that her grandmother was in the house, she rushed back into the fire to attempt her rescue, and thus heroically perished. The old lady was at the moment out of the house and comparatively unharmed and safe, while the young lady heroine, after herself escaping a second time from the fire, died while being conveyed to a, neighbor’s house. Mr. Miner and two of his sons ’were severely bnrnrd about their arms and faces in the attempt to rescue the family aud stay the flames. The fire occurred from the explosion of some materials that were boiling on the stove, under the care of one of the sons.”

—The New York World says: “An enterprising firm of this city is entitled to the credit of discovering a new and lucrative industry. Whenever ff bank breaks it sends out an agent to buy «p the unused check-books of the depositors. At Chicago, last week, he secured a thousand such books. Each check has a lithograph stamp on it that represents two cents, and the firm has an arrangement with the Treasury whereby ‘the Treasury Department cither redeems these stamps on the checks at par or authorizes Uwcompany to issue new ones in their place.’ The agent gets 50 per cent, commission, and pays from twenty to forty cents a hundred for the checks, so that the company’s share is a cent on each, the agent’s about three-quarters of a cent, and the owner of the book about one-quarter of a cent. It might do no harm, if such an arrangement exists, to have it made general; and so allow depositors to make the profit to which they are entitled.” LaST words of Methuselah: “This" is I am shocked at this.”— Buffalo Express. %