Rensselaer Union, Volume 10, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 January 1878 — What is an Engagement ? [ARTICLE]

What is an Engagement ?

The Boston Courier, in discussing what constitutes an engagement, says: What really constitutes a sacred obligation in these matters, and how far a gentleman should consider himself bound, is too nice a subject to be briefly expressed. But a matrimonial engagement docs not consist of any of Hie civilities and courtesies of life which a gentleman may extend to a lady. It is not unfrequently the case, however, that these are mistaken for declarations, and the announcement is made at once that such persons are engaged. Such is the imprudence of friends, and frequently of the lady herself, that the common politeness and attention which are'ever due between the sexes are construed into proposals for matrimo,ny. aid. a..man. hears.thfljeport of Jhia. engagement, while, as yet, not even a dream of the thing has passed through his mind. If a man escort a lady to the theater, if he walk with her in the streets, if lie occasionally visit her for the sake of her good society, the report is not infrequently set on foot by some indiscreet friend that the parties are engaged. Neither does an engagement consist of any politeness or social intercourse which a lady may extend to a gentleman. There are young gentlemen, however, of such consummate vanity as to suppose that such treatment is nothing less than the strongest intimation of personal attachment. If a lady so much as look at them, they fancy that it must be a love affair. A smile, a compliment, a social interview, is set down by such conceited small souls as the most unequivocal declaration of love. They tell of the conquest they have made with an air of triumph, and never know their mistake till they learn it in that reserve and neglect which their conduct so richly deserves. Neither does an engagement consist in any of those preliminary steps which are so important, in order to a just estimate of the character and qualifications of the person with whom you would be united for Many persons, however, imagine that every sueh step is a step of committal. While the individual is only forming that wise estimate, and making those judicious investigations which every one is bound to make in this affair by a regard to his own happiness and that of others, he is considered as fairly committed without the possibility of honorable retreat. But this is all wrong, whether it be the sentiment of individuals, or public sentiment. Without such investigation a man might as well commit his interest in this matter to a lady w hom he never beheld. He might as well be betrothed, as heathen children by their parents, without his consent or knowledge. He might as well blindfold himself, and rush into a crowd of females and select a companion at random. Parents must suppose their daughters little less than angels, if they expect to betroth them in this manner. And if young ladies are so superficial in character and accomplishments as not to admit of sueh honorable and wise scrutiny, they had bettergive up the ideaor marriage life, and become nuns at once. Neither does an engagement consist in the most unqualified declaration of love on the part of either the gentleman or the lady. This may all be, yet no obligations are assumed —no contract is formed. And yet there are those who suppose that such declarations of attachment impose an obligation on their friend which cannot be resisted or violated. It is true such a disclosure on the part of the gentleman imposes certain duties on the part of the female. If her circumstances are such as to render an engagement impossible, she is bound by every principle to acquaint him immediately with the fact, and keep the transaction a secret. If her circumstances are such as to render it proper for her to enter into a matrimonial engagement, it is proper then that she make his proposal a matter of immediate ah<T serious consideration. If she is satisfied with his character, and entertains the requisite amount of affection to make their union happy, she has nothing left but to make known to him her acceptance </f his proposal. But if, after due consideration, and inquiry, and deliberation, she is conducted to a contrary conclusion, she should lose no time in informing him of the fact, in a way least likely to wound his sensibilities or mortify his pride. She will consider it, too, both a dictate of modesty and prudence and honor to disclose the circumstance to no living being. Therfe are many men

who make-a point of paying particular attentions indiscriminately to several ladies, and when then - marked observances have exposed them to misrepresentation and calumny, wonder how such could be the result, not meaning any harm, and only intending to amuse themselves. There are people whose minds are so strangely constituted that they take no pleasure but in .mischief, and delight in torturing the feelings of a husband or father by singling out their female connections' as the object of their public homage, and who care not about the misconstruction to which they subject their helpless victim, provided they can gratify their whims and malevolence. From whatever cause it proceeds, the effects are the same, and the person who exposes a woman to unmerited obloquy is as contemptible as he is depraved and foolish. The character of a female coquette is sufficiently odious and repulsive, but when the gentlemen think proper to imitate the weaknesses and vices of - the ladies, they become altogether disgusting.

A physiologist estimates that there are 2,400 disorders to which the human frame is liable, and there are plenty of people who believedhey have everyone of them '