Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 50, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 August 1877 — A Tourist. [ARTICLE]

A Tourist.

“ You have a fine city here,” remarked Oscar Deak, as he stood before the desk and rubbed his hands. The Court looked down on. him in silence. “ Such broad streets, such big dogs, such beautiful alleys, such nice hand organs 1 never saw in a town before,” continued the man. That same cold, murderous look from the Court. “I’m almost tempted to spend the remainder of my days here,” said the prisoner. ’’The water agrees with me, the air seems very pure, and 1 find that the Detroit quart of peanuts is bigger than any other in the lana.” Still no word from his Honor. His eyes glistened like the tines of a pitchfork in the hav-field, but he was biding his time. “ I’m much obliged to the boys for helping me in here last night,” coolly continued the man. “I am subject to those attacks of vertigo, and Providence seems to raise up friends for me at the perilous moment. I’ll leave a quarter for the man who lifted me up and begged of me not to die.” While he was feeling for the clinker the Court was calling to mind how the tourist broke two ehairs in a saloon, had a fight with a hackman and hid himself in a lumber pile, and he wrote out on a piece of paper at full length that familiar old saying, “ Twenty dollars or three months,” and held it up to view. The tourist looked at the words. Then he looked at the clock. Then he glanced out upon the green grass in the alley and saw the lambs galloping up and down in playful mood. “Yes—ahem—l'll lend you twenty dollars,” he finally sighed. “ And don’t have any more vertigo in this town,” said the Court. “ Vertigo makes the money go, you observe.” “I believe you think I was drunk,” complained the tourist. “Yum,” replied the Court,bowing profoundly. “ And you don’t make any difference between vertigo and drunkenness t” “ Not a bit.’’ The man walked out doors and headed for the nearest saloon. He was going in on the real tiling, with vertigo counted out. —Detroit Free Press.