Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 July 1877 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

Judge and Jcwiy—Hilton and Seligman. . Just the place for old maids —The I love Man. Blackktraw bonnets arc still the most fashionable. Extract from a letter in a recent lirciich-of promise case: “My ownest own.” Take care how vou eat, what you eat, and bow much. The hot we..tlic+ Is getting every man ready for a cholera victim. Hoop her up. Reports from thirty towns in the United States state that the barrel crop is heading finely.— Et ie Dispitch. “ I didn’t say I understood her. I wouldn’t have the presumption to say that of any woman,” says Dolly Varden’s father, in Barnaby Budge. Ottomans neatly covered with Brussels carpet are sold in New York for half-a-dollar—about as low down in price as they are apt to get on this footstool. “Is that your offspring, madam?" asked a Missouri Judge of a woman who had hold of a snub-nosed boy’s hand. “ No, sir," she replied, “ this is my oluest boy." The difficulty, boys, is to get the first hundred dollars in the savings-bank— Ex. And tlie next great difficulty’ is to get it out—of New York savings banks.— tit. Louis Timet. A New England philosopher says he can’t find out whete the air leaves off and the earth begins. Let him fail backward from a feuce and he’ll soon find out. — Detroit Free Press. “Johnny, have you learned anything during the week?” asked a father of a five-year-old pupil. “Yeth’m.” “Well, what is it?" “Never to lead a small trump when you hold both bowers.” In Pennsylvania a Sheriff is paid fifteen dollars for hanging a man, but times are so dull this summer that it takes a mighty smart Sheriff to make more than $l5O a week.—Durtinffton Hawk-Eye. Straws swim upon the surface, but pearls lie at the bottom. Showy parts strike every common eye, but solid ones are only to be discovered by the most accurate observers of the human head and human heart. Deaf and dumb people enjoy practicing on the cornet. They get all Lite advantage of blowing, and the pleasure of a distorted face under full pressure, without being obliged to hear the music.— JYew Orleans Picayune. Another day has come and gone, leaving us all older and wiser, but as yet no communications have been received indicating that anyone has discovered a man who can drink out of a spring without getting the end of his nose wet. — Fulton Times. The Mayor of Chattanooga having recently advertised for three new dog-catch-ers to perambulate that city, 750 applications were put. in on one day, compelling the functionary to hang up on his uoorthe traditional card, “No vacancies in this department.”

Animals may think, but sometimes they do not think very fast. A-eow-got into a J innes street garden Friday, and it took her half an hour to make up her mind where to go out. A man and dog were flooding her mind with information all the time, too. — Rome (N. Y.) Sentinel. A little Greeley (Col.) girl who was picking pease had gathered eight gallons during one forenoon. She says of a girl thirteen years old: “She cried for half an hour because I had picked a gallon more than she, and while she was crying I picket* another gallon.” Such is life. • . Of the many amusing blunders of printers and proof readers, one of the most striking occurs in a volume of Laws of Vermont for 1876. Aet No. 25 amends Section 78—instead of 28, which was probably intended—so that hereafter no person is to be allowed to run a locomotive through a saw-mill. Nothing so thoroughly pleases a man who has learned that a collection is to be taken in his church on Sunday morning, and who has consequently been unable to be present on account of a severe pain in his back, as to attend the evening service and hear the clergyman announce that “as many who desired to give were not present at the morning collection, it will now be repeated.”— Norwich Bulletin. A Presbyterian minister recently delivered. a lecture on “ Congregational Psalmody,” in which he referred to the incongruities that occur in present divisions of repetition lines, For instance: “ Love Thee better than before,” was divided, “Love Thee bet-; “We’ll catch the fleeting hour ” A’as sung, “We’ll catch the flee-;” “My poor polluted heart” became “my poor pol-;” “And take Thy pilgrim home,” “And take Thy pil-;” “ And in the pious He delights” became “And in the pi-;” and “ Send down salvation from oo high” became “ Send down sal-.” A soprano in one case sang, “ Oh, for a man,” and the chorus responded, “ Oh, for a mansion in tlie skies.” In one case the soprano modestly sang, “ Teach me to kiss,” while the bass rendered it quite prosaic by sing ng, “Teach me to kiss the rod.”— Chicago Tribune. The Troy N‘>rthern Budget the responSible nairat r of this anecdote: “On Friday a Germa i, somewhat intoxicated, boarded the Hudson River train at Kinderhook for the purpose of coming to this city. He threw his satchel down in the corner of the car, took a seat, and was soon in the arms of Morpheus. On awaking be alleged that he had left his baggage at Kinderhook, and asked the boy employed oa the train what he should do to recover it. The latter, who had seen the German place his ■satchel in the corner, replied, ‘ You give me thirty cents and I’ll telegraph to Kinderhook to have the depot master forward it telegraph to Greenbush. It will reach the r e before we do.” The German paid the thirty cents, gave a minute description of tlu‘ mis-dng property, and the boj departed, taking the satchel into another car. On reaching Greenbush the boy returned with tlie bag, and placing it in the German’ hands, said, “ There’s the first satchel I ever see come by te egraph.’ ‘Ah,’ replied the German, ‘dot delegraff is vun great dings; lure dake anoder quarter, mein pov ’ And the boy did."