Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 July 1877 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

Lack necktie* arc worn by gentlemen. An idle roomer—the discharged hotel clerk. Lisi.k thread gloves without buttons; bnt with long clocked wrists, arc in great demand. “I worm cot live always I n»k not to .Uy: *' Bo he nt« a green (reach And wnn carted awry, -IlntckFy'. Tramp* are very fond of flowers, and may be found peeping into yards Hnd inquiring if the proprietor has anemone for a poor blind cripple. A woman was offered a thousand dollars if she would remain silent for two hours. At the end of fifteen minutes she asked, “ Isn’t the time nearly up f” They tell of an Oregon mule which “ placidly halted for a moment on the mad brink of an awful gorge and then threw himself into the arms of death.” No,” sup said, and the wrinkles in her face smoothed out pleasantly. “ No, I do not remember the last seventee*ycar locusts. I was an infant then.”— Newark Gall. A Connecticut preacher says that a good congregation w ill praise the music, the choir, the ventilation and the civilities of the usher, but as to the sermon, “ Well, I dunno.” A man usually makes as much fuss in steering a lumber stalk of asparagus to his mouth as an’old woman trying to thread a cambric needle with a linen thread.—Turner's Falls Reporter. Thebe was nothing hut a plain slab at the head of the mound, but the simple inscription upon it tells its own sad story: 41 He was umpire in a close game.”—Cincinnati Saturday Night. A very preelse person, remarking upon Shakespeare’s line “The good men do is oft interred with their bones,” carefully observed that this interment can generally take place without crowding the bones. A sagacious Newfoundland clog at Meriden, Conn., instead of rescuing a small boy from a pond, deposited a small boy in the pond. The youth had tried to steal the sagacious Newfoundland’s new muzzle. A terrible warning comes from Austin, Nev. A man who has not performed any manual labor for twelve years was foolishly persuaded to go to work, and the first clay he fell from a scaffolding and waa fatally injured. A little dog took refuge in the private safe of a hank-vault at Virginia City, almost air-tight, on a recent Saturday, to cool his nose by resting it against stacks of coin. He was locked in and not released till Monday morning. He is rallying slowly. The flower-loving citizen, who has spent all his leisure time this season in laying out flower-beds and fostering the same, will have his reward this summer, when his daughter’s beaux will carry off his choicest varieties for button-hole bouquets. —A eicark Call . When a small bov with a prejudice against yellow dogs observes an old oystercan in a condition of inactivity, he at once begins debating the question whether it was created to point a moral or adorn a tail. The clog gets the first news of the decision.— Worcester Press. —After the rising generation have mastered the metric system, it might he well to introduee into the public schools a short course of instruction in base hall scoring. The complicated tables of figures now daily published are about as perplexing to the ‘‘average reader” as the inscriptions on a tea-chest.- — Boston Uerald. Silken purses are in use again, and ladies are knitting them for pastime. They are of dark shaded silks, with heads or without, and are furnished with silvered rings and bead fringes. The silk twist comes iu skeins, sticks and spools of all colors, and the rings and fringes are furnished separately. There are also steel clasps and chains for the half purses that are croteheted of silk in the shape of those made of wire. A man could stand the flies and never lose his temper, if they would only he content to he buried where they fall; but when a fly As big as a grain of coffee falls on its back on a slab of butter, turns over ancl crawls out, and goes limping across the plate, straggling and wading through everything it can find, ancl finally cremates itself in a bath of hot coffee, good gracious but it does make a, Christian" mud,—Burlington Hawk-Eye. A widow in Baltimore put crape on her door. The crape remained there about a week before the landlord made bold to interrupt her grief, ancl when he entered he found nothing there hut the house. Her grief was so intense that she had inadvertently removed all the furniture. The debt of nature which had been •paid was suppositious. The debt for rent remains uncancelled. And yet they say that women are not calculated for business.—Rochester Democrat. “ O wnY was I horn?” said he; “ why did they yank me by the hair out of eternal nothingness into concrete existence, to buffet the storms of this rude world, with no postponement on account of the weather? What, then, is this problem of human destiny with which Science has impotently wrestled for so many centuries?” But she told him, all the same, that there was no base ball for him that afternoon; and, if he didn’t get the kindling split before his father came home, there’d be some wrastling that woulcl make Science open her eyes when she struck that wood-shed. The “ Brewrrs" should to " Malta” go. The " Boobies" all to " Scilly.” The ** Qunkers”-to4he “ Friendly Isles," The *• Furriers” to *• Chili," The little sna ling, carolling '-Babes,” That break our nightly rest. Should be packed or! to'," B«byloa,” To " Lapland" or to " Bn st.” From “ Spithead” cooks go o'er to 44 Greece," Aud while the "Miser" waits His passage to the " Guinea” cored, "spendthrifts"- are iu the,"Straits.” 44 Spinsters" should to the " Needles” go, *• Wine-bibbers” to " Burgundy.” 41 Gourmands' should lunch at ” Sandwich Isles,' 1 " Wags” at the " Bay of Fundy.” "Bachelors' to the " united St tes,” *• Maids’ to the " Isles of Man;” Let " Gardeners” go to " Botany Bay,” And " Shoeblacks” to "Japan.” Thus emigrate—aud misplaced men Will then no lofiger vex ns. And then all who're not provided for <; Had better go to "Te as.” —Philadelphia Press.