Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 July 1877 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

Always speak well of the dead, and once in a while a good word of the living, if you have tbe time. In n late atyle of marriage announcemenu only the names of the bride ana clergyman appear. As civilization advances, the groom becomes of less and and lees importance on sudh occasions. An aged Chtcneo lady is rind there has been a law 'made against “ pools.” She says that pools are nasty and unhealthy things to have around, anyhow, and, be. side, they propagate mosquitoes. Eight hundred New Jersey cows were the other day found in one grand pen, each one with eon feet under her and die., tillery slop before her. They furnish " pure country milk” for New York. The Baltimore man who hanged himself because his wife devoted so much of her time to decorating the grave of her first husband has his revenge. The woman has two graves to decorate now and no time to look for a third husband. The following epigram was written on a Mr. Wellwoou, wno was much given so exaggeration: ” Yon double each Starr von tell. Yon doable each rfew that you ms; Youi- name's double u e double I, Doable u double o d.” Unto tlie good little boy shall be given the picnie ticket, but the wicked son shall recline on his mother’s knee. Yerily, in the day when she waxeth it to him with her slipper his heart will he full of repentance, and his howling tshall disturb the neighbors.— Rome Of. T.) Sentinel. ' Young Lady— “ It was a stylish dinner I” Learned Uncle—“ Stylisul are you using the word correctly f Do you know the derivation of stylish?” Young lady —“ Certainly, from sty, a pig-pen, and lish, the noise made by the ho —animals when eating.” Learned uncle in despair. Taw is the season when newly-married couples make their appearance at the watering-place hotels, languishing on a four-dollars-a-day diet for one week precisely, and then go home to the realities of oom-beef and cabbage for toe balance of their natural lives.—JY. T. Commercial Advertiser.

SAYsthe Rochester Union: “A young rnah who was detected in toe enjoyment of an innocent flirtation with one orthc scholars of the Packer Female Seminary, at Brooklyn, has been indicted by the Grand Jury. The course of true love never did run smooth, but this is the first instance Where courting was considered criminal.”

On the out-going steamers, conversation is often of a cosmopolitan nature. A Boston merchant on a recent trip was considerably impressed by the earnestness of a Gennan passenger. “ America,” said the returning Teuton, ‘‘is der best counclry in der vorld. I has lived dere more as den years, and failed vive dimes, anil now I goes home to lif mit a fortune and my vamily!" The decision of the Bupreme Court of the United States that the Government cannot receive bequests of real estate, comes just in time to prevent the turning over to the Nation of immense tracts of landed property. Had the decision been otherwise, there are thousands, no doubt, who would Bequeath all their real estate to the Government, to save their heirs the burden of taxation— Detroit Free Press.

A man on West Hill has brought peace into his family circle forever. Last week he moved into a new house, containing a bay window and twenty-three closets, and he bought his wife nine miles of clothesline, a cord of clothes-line props, and one hundred and twenty-four dozen clothespins. Arid the angels just come down and sit around on the side fence and envy that woman’s perfect happiness.— Burlmuton Hawk-Eye. The other day a traveler stopping in Gardner, Me., got up in the morning awfully thirsty, and, approaching the landlord, said he must have a drink of cider. He was assured he could not buy it in the city. “ Can get it by the gallon, can’t I?” he said. He was told he could. So he went up to a store and inquired if they had any cider to “sell by the gallon.” He was told they had. He wanted to try it, and drew a pint dipper full and drank it. He said he “ thought it was too hard for mince pies,” and threw a dime on toe counter and left.

The ignorance of some of our most wealthy citizens is absolutely humiliating. A man who pays taxes on any quantity of real estate stopped us yesterday and asked to change his Evening Herald to a Morning Herald. “ But our paper only appears in the evening,” we exclaimed. “All right! I’ve been a friend of the paper for twenty years; but that settles it. If you haven’t got accommodation enough to print me my copy in the morning, you are not a live newspaper man, and can’t keep up with railroads, and progress, and sichl” and he went off on his ear.— San Antonio Herald.

It is not curses alone that come home to roost; blessings frequently act in the same way. The friends of a Staten Island ferry Captain presented him recently with an elegant gold watch, in token of his promptness and geniality. Touched by the kindness of li{s friends, toe Captain told them that the boat thereafter should run upon the time which they had so munificently provided. He began the very next morning to carry ont his promise, and in doing so started three minutes in advance of toe town time, leaving his generous friends to wait for the next boat. The next time they give a watch to a fer--3f Captain they will have it regulated and uly set. When toe pxyhydrogen microscope was first exhibited in Edinburgh, a poor woman whose riches would never hinder her ascent to the Kingdom above, took her seat in the lecture-room where toe wonders of the instrument were shown, and which were for the first time to meet her sight. A piece of lace was magnified into a salmon-net, a flea was metamorphosed into an elephant, and other like marvels were performed before toe eyes of the venerable dame, who sat in silent ( astonishment, staring Open-mouthed at toe disk. But when at length a milliner’s needle was transformed into a poplar tree, and confronted her with its huge eye, she could “ hold in” no longer. ,r My goodness!” she exclaimed, “ a camel could go through that! There’s some hope for toe rich folks yet"