Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 July 1877 — SEISE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SEISE AND NONSENSE.

False-hair is becoming unfashionable. Thk drunkard's pet song—" When tbe tiialUnte homeward fly.” Trunk lines: “ It will be more freightcarnal if we all {tool together.” Two BANDs-of gold linked by a chain ore fashionable sleeve-buttons. A Mabsachi’bbtt* girl says site should like to see one of those Bushful-Bazouks. Wide ruchings, made of frayed-out silk, are worn on thin dressed, particularly as a finish for the neck. Why is a man more devout when he has a cold in his head ? Because he is on his sneeze most of the time. A Yankee editor wishes no bodily harm to his subscribers, but he hopes that some of them in Arrears will he seized with a remittent fever. “It is well to leave something for those who come after us,” as a man suid when he threw a barrel in the way of a Constable who was chasing him. A WITNESS on the stand, in reply to a question as to what the character of Mr. was for truth and veracity, said: “Well, I should say that he handles truth very carelessly.” An Irishman has defined nothing to be “a footless stocking without legs.” A description by another Emeralder: “What is nothing r” he asked. “ Shut your eyes and you’fi see it.” In Florida, a man who has lost an arm or a leg, no matter how, is exempt from taxation on his business, unless it he liquor-selling. This is quite a legacy for the unfortunate maimed. Only a country boy can tell how heavy’ a big calf’s head will weigh, when the critter insists upon getting the last drop of feed bv shoving its nose to the bottom of the milk-pail.— Chicago Journal. A schoolmaster told a young miss that the word “ obligatory” meant binding, whereupon she laid her head upon her hand, and, after a brief cogitation, handed the teacher this sentence: “The obligatory of my spelling-book is worn out.” A Connecticut youth fired a gun over the head of his sweetheart without giving her notice, to see if she had any pluck, and it is now feared the girl will have to be sent to the insafic asylum. As for the youth, he should be sent to an asylum for idiots. A little four-year-old girl visiting a neighbor was asked if she would have some bread and butter. “No,” she rcplied, rather sorrowfully, “ my ma said I musn’t ask you for bread and butter;” then suddenly brightening up, she said, “ Have you got any cookies ?" A San Francisco man told his wife that he was tired of her, and she obligingly poisoned herself. A New York woman, when she discovered that her husband was tired of her, raised a frightful wart on his head as large as a goose-egg, and then eloped with a handsome man. Dialogue between the Sultan and an old officer, privileged by his age and long service : Sire, lam exhausted by the labors which my position exacts of me.” “Very well; I am going to give you a place in which you wall have nothing to do—Paymaster.” —New Ur la ink Picanun* A IS ew England philosopher lias unfolded a new theory of the cause of the appetite for stimulants. He says the custom of dressing in black is responsible for the craving for drink, and that if peopic would dress in white the sun would furnish the nerves all the stimulus required. A young lady in Hudson, Me., is now teaching in the same school-room where her mother and grandmother have tauglil before her. She derives consolation from the thought that neither lady developed into an old maid, and that the family traditions forecast a great-granddaughter at the head of the school. It happened the other day that our wife §ot hold of a war map, representing the Hack Sea and Russian and Turkies Armies, and when we got home she liad cut out two new dresses and a neat basque by it, and was beginning on a'new fashioned coat for ourselves. She thought ’twas a fashion cut—and she believes so yet.— Oil City Call. At a dinner, and between the sherry and champagne—to which period the enfant terrible of the family’ had been unfortunately permitted to linger—tile host had gone to praising his own wine in a fashion which was certainly an evidence of its great intoxicating qualities. “ That sherri’, sir, cost me sixty dollars a dozen. I bought it at the auction of the Emperor Napoleon’s wines, and imported it myself.” “Why, papa!” interrupted the enfant, “ that was all gone long ago, and mamma filled tbe bottles up from the California keg. She said that you never had any triends who could tell the differ ence.” One of our city physicians the other day’ engaged to teach a young college graduate the practical art of healing the sick. He was called hi a German who was down with the delirium tremens, and asked him his age and his business. He was a musician and forty’ years old. The learned doctor then told his student that all brass instruments were so severe a tax upon the player’s larynx that the throat frequently’ needed a iittle wetting in the form of beer or brandy. A sad result of this fact was the patient before him. The latter asked what instrument he played. He answered, “I blays zecond viddle most alvays.”— Providence Prett. A prominent pisciculturist lately sent a very valuable present of trout spawn to a San Francisco magnate who is more remarkable for wealth than refinement. The giver’s idea was that the trout might be hatched, and would thrive in a small artificial lake, which was a feature of tbe millionaire’s grounds. He was much surprised at receiving the following note some days afterward: “My dear friend— Them water-peas as you sent was way up and was excellent fried. I had considerable railway people, and one or two bankers to dinner the night they came. We never would have knew what the concerns were only for Maria, who has just graduated at a female school, and knows a sight. She told us as them peas were quite common, and that they grew under water same as you sent ’em. We all send kind regards, and would be pleased to have some more water-vegetables when • vou are sending to the citv.”