Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 June 1877 — Introductions. [ARTICLE]

Introductions.

Social enjoymentisverymuchimpeded in this country hy the want of well-un-derstood rules. Such rules are necessary. It makes but little difference what the rules may be, so long as they are recognized and practiced. For instance, in this country, carriages meeting on the road turn to the right; in England they turn to the left. The rules are equally good ; either,-if observed, will prevent collisions. In France, people moving into a new place call first upon their neighbors; in England, those among whom they come call first. There may be something to choose between these two customs, but either, thoroughly observed, is better than the weak confusion of ideas among us, the result of which is that while anyone may call upon a strange family, scarcely anyone feels it incumbent to call. With regard to these two customs, however, the Frencfi appear to have the better of it. It is natural that persons moving into a town or village should have a greater wish to know their neighbors than their neighbors should have to ltnow them. A i.ew lsmily may be a long time in a place before they are discovered. Time moves very rapidly with persous who are themselves comfortbly situated. Some months will pass before the resolution, lazily formed, to visit the new people will have been carried out. If the Fiench custom prevailed, this impediment to the acquaintance of mutually congenial people would be got rid of, nor would there be any great danger of discomfort lrom the discovery of the fact that the new persons are not of our own sort, for, in one of our American towns, where little is to be gained from society except the pleasure of social intercourse, people, are not apt to wish to go where they are not especially desired. YVe need very much some well defined custom by which the acquaintance of the families one desires to know may be obtained. And here we may observe that there seems to be an impression in this country that there is something criminal, something unworthy and undignified, in the desire to know people. “Modest merit,” it is thought, rather avoids company than seeks it. We are sure, however, that this sentiment, where it is professed, is either hynocritical or immature. No well-constituted young man sees a pretty girl without a wish to be introduced to her, or a uice family without-a disposition to gj to their parties. But notwithstanding the extreme freedom of our society, it is often more uifflculi to manage such matI tent here than in Europe. We are much

In need of one of those customs by which Europeans accomplish these things so easily and so naturally. Of course, st any party it is easy for any man to ask to be introduced to people whom he thinks he would like to know. But it is not so easy (o go to the houses of these persons. This is unlucky, because it often happens that the man i's very well liked and would lie very welcome. But ladies think it wouki be hardly proper themselves to ask a man wtiom they have seen but once or twice. He,on his part, is often afraid to ask lobe allowed to come, because he is not quite sure how hia. request would be received, and even when he is quite sure that he will be welcome, there is a novelty about the proceeding which makes it more or less hazardous. The custom prevailing in many parts of Europe disposes very easily and simply of. this matter. The man has only to leave cards in a day or two at the house of the family to whom he has been introduced. If they want him they will send for him. If they do not, then nobody is made uncomforable. We have said that it is always easy to ask to be introduced to people at receptions and parties. But even this is practically not so easy as it appears to be. New York is subject to constant social vagaries, which come pn the shape of reports as to the latest customs pursued in the drawing rooms of European capitals. One of these is that there shall be few introductions. Some ladies have declined to make any introductions which were not asked for, because, they say, the young men are so rude. The dear old custom of our “ hay-seed” days, still prevalent in some very'rural parts of this country, of introducing everybody to everybody, though no doubt often very absurd, still had its advantages. We think it would be well if more of this old solicitude of hosts for the comfort of their guests had been preserved. As the custom is at present, the man who goes to a house where he knows but few of the people must either pester his hostess for repeated introductions or stand about and glare from the walls.

The French, who have always been the exemplars of the social graces of the rest of Europe, have always regarded the desire on the part of one person to be introduced to another as a compliment to the person to whom the introduction is asked. When a new man is brought into one of the Parisian clubs he is expected to ask an introduction to everyone. The men to whom he negle'cts to ask to be introduced think themselves insulted, and remember the omission against him. The natural obligation is still greater in the society of ladies. It was intended that men should seek women, rather than be sought by them. Chivalry and romance, In presenting man upon his knee or twanging a guitar under a window, no doubt express, with some exaggeration, what is the natural relation of the sexes. Such a posture is certainly better than running away from women or indolently waiting to be attacked by them. It is generally said that we in this country are rather lax in the giving of letters of introduction; that such letters count of less here than abroad. But it is difficult to see why a letter of introduction should not be given with the understanding that it means no more than a verbal introduction. We have, by the way, a custom here of giving letters of introduction unsealed; the custom abroad is to seal tfiem. The foreign custom Appears to us the better of the two. A man does not care to present a letter which he is known to have read, setting forth how accomplished, amiable and interesting he is. And yet he would like to have the person to whom he is introduced duly informed of his various excellent qualities. The result is that his introducer is compelled to write two letters, when one sealed letter would have answered as well. The explanation of our custom of giving Unsealed letters is either that the writer of the letter wishes it understood that he has said nothing of you which he is not willing you should, etc., or that he means, by leaving the letter open, to evince his entire confidence that you will notread it. Should the latter “ fiction” account for the origin of the custom, it is interesting to see how different the result is from the intention. — N. Y. Time*.