Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 39, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 June 1877 — SENSE AND NGNSENSE [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NGNSENSE

A tim L wwstad seller. :Tiik lMniins are ftHtowigg Sherman’s trample fc *t m arching through Georgia. ’* Modern marriages, says a contemporary, begin with a court and end with a ooHrt. Two Tiirxoß can never be successfully counterfeited—modesty and common aense. ■ , J&jhui thuAhildrcn as the best families will get on the wrong track if the switch is misplaced* „< Tub “Murphy movement” is what the Cincinnati Commercial calls the march of the potato bug. “Look athar,” he remarked to the waiter, “ your coffee is O. K., your hash is about correct, but ain’t your eggs a little too rfpe»” ■ WbCJ*don’t President M&cMahon get a* new shoemaker? If he did so, be might not have so much trouble with the Rights and Lefts. —Philadelphia Bulletin. When Burns sighed for the power to see ourselves as others see us, he was probably just anxious to see how his new coat set in the back. —Burlington 11 auk-Eye. A» English lady married, at the age of eighty, a man aged fprty, aod survived him; married again, and survived her second husband. It seems to us this was not fair. —Rochester Democrat. Some men can never take a joke.' There was an old doctor who, when asked what was good for mosquitoes, wrote back: “ How do you suppose I can tell unless I know what ails the mosquito?” One redeeming feature of the circus of to-day: There are so many lemonade and ticket ‘ and ' song-book peddlers that you can't hear the clown’s stale jokes nor see much of the performing.— Detroit Free Preen.

“ How SHALL we help ourselves ?” was the title of a.recent lecture by a Boston lady. With a silver spoon, we suppose, not Omitting some of the brown ones on top, next to the pork.— Cincinnati Commercial. A great deal of Sentiment is wasted on Poland, but when a fanner clears up a sheep’s pasture he isn’t apt to leave a Volf’s nest on one side and a sausage factory on the other, if. he can help it.— Neva York Graphic. A prominent divine of New York City recently said that he knew of no civilized country in the world where it was so difficult to speak out frankly ahd fully, especially on politics and religion, exactly what one thinks and feels, as u the United States of America. As soothers there are few equal to the Southern journalist. This is the way one of them consoles his subscribers: “ Owing to the death of Our chief editor there will be no editorial article on Tuesday, but look out for a regular ripper on Wednes-day!”—-Bt. Louie Republican. In a moment of despondency where do we look for hope, comfort and support? To the woman we love. And where is she looking all this time ? Ten to one she is looking around for something to rouse our energies with. And that’s why we marry .-.Andrew*’ Bazar. “What,” asks an exchange, “arc the causes of drunkenness?” Well, we can’t answer for all of them, but we believe whisky causes a great deal of it; whisky, sir, resolutely stuck to, will cause about as large a drunk as anything wc know of, although a judicious mixing up of various drinks will accelerate matters If &<man is in a huity. —Burlington Hawk-Eye. “ You couldn’t,” shouted our irrepressible, as a bachelor; visitor finished a eulogium on cremation by an expressed wish that; rather than be “coffined, cribbed, Confined,” he might become the subject of a Hindoo snttec; “you couldn’t, you haven’t got any wife!” “ That’s no matter,” growled the Colonel, as he beat a hasty retreat (the Colonel is also not connubial), “ that’s no matter. Plenty of men would be glad to lend me theirs for the occasion.” The Colonel has no card for our suburban kettledrum next week.— Boston Advertiser.

An English nobleman had a house-por-ter who was an enormous eater. “Frank,” said he, one day, “ tell me how many loins you could eat” “ Ah, my Lord, as for loins, not many, five or six at most.” “ And how many legs of mutton?’* “Ah, as for legs of mutton, not many; seven or eight, perhaps.” “And fatted pullets?’ 1 “ Ah, as for fatted pullets, my Lord, not many; not more than a dozen.” “And pigeons?” “Ah, as for pigeons, not mkny; perhaps forty—fifty at most—according to appetite.” “And larks?” “ Ah, as for that, my Lord—little larks—foreter, my Lord— -former!” A Shefford-Mountain fanner entered an insurance .office, one day this week, with a look on his face which clearly indicated that he appreciated fire-insurance, and couldn’t have a policy wrUten on his property too soon. He accosted the agent in an anxious manner, and said he guessed bp would have his barns insured. The agent, thinking he had a good thing, started with the man to his premises, five miles out pf town. Arriving, the good man’s implicit trust and confidence in die correct principles and direct advantages of fire-insurance were explained by the fact that about twenty-five of his neighbors were working “ might and main ” to save his buildings from destruction by a bush-fire in close proximity. The agent declined the risk, and walked home in disgust.— Waterloo {Can.) Advertiserv ... .. .. J . The telephone Is quickly worklhg out • practical application. A Boston company is prepared to furnish telephonic commuhication between places not over twenty miles apart. The advantages are thus set forth: No skilled operator required; a little practice makes anyone master, of the telephone; communication more rapid; the telephone transmits one or two' hundred words a minute, the old telegraph apparatus averages not morfe than twenty; no expense required ih its operation; no battery needed; two teleBs connecting two houses maybe for twenty dollars per year. The company keep the instruments in working order. It must be understood that the rental mentioned above is for the use of the telephonic instrument. A telegraph line when required will cost from SIOO to $l5O per mile.—AT. Y. Graphic.