Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 May 1877 — ALL SORTS. [ARTICLE]

ALL SORTS.

What lovers swear—To be true until death. What husbands swear —Unfit for publication. Yet a few more days, and the earliest green apples will be doubling np the first rush boy. "It’s nice to have slippers given to you,” said the naughty bov who had just been corrected for lying, when he saw the fine pair his big brother received from his girl; “bnt it makes all the difference how you take them.” When the foreman of the composing room knocks' a form into “pi” now, lie doesn’t have it reset as of yore. lie simply slaps it iulo the press as it is, and the newspaper is “run off” with a war map up to the average. A potato bug crawled out of his hole on a recent fine morning and mounted a tehee liost to sun himself. Piously and pensively he sat there, and as he complacently watched, the farmer at fa is, potato planting, he eVe.r and anon caroled thus, as if in niißikery: “What shall the harvest be?” A butcher of some eminence was lately in company with several ladies at a game of whist, when having lost two or three rubbers, one of the ladies addressing him, asked: "Pray, sir, what are the stakes now!” “Madam, the best rump 1 cannot sell lower than twenty oents a pouud.” The following, according to the request of Singleton, the murderer, who Wasexecutert in Texas recently, Was furnished him on the day of his death by the sheriff: One baked chicke •, one dish of ham and egg?, one apple pie, one peach pie, one egg custard, one fruit pudding, one large pound cake, and two bottles ot wine. A Kentucky dentist undertook to plug one of the hack teeth of a favorite tnule. He bored and bored until the drill struck something that seemed to lift the animal’s soul right off its hinges. That’s the way the coroner explained it, and since then a wild mule has been galloping up and down the country, seeking for fresh worlds to conquer.

“Bnt I pass,” said a minister, one Sunday, in dismissing one theme of his subject to take up another. “Then I make it spades!” yelled a man from the gallery who was dreaming the happy hours away in an imaginary game of euchre. Jt is needless to say that he went out on the next deni, being assisted by one of tbe deacons with a full hand of clubs. Billy Barlow, who has been a highly respected citizen of Wfnatnac fifteen years, suddenly skipped out one evening not long ago, leaving behind about $1,500 of unsettled debt* and a large family. Some of his more charitable neighbors think he has gone to the Blaek Hills country and will return after many days to repay those who cast their bread upon the waters, so to Speak. - ... ■—■ - ... : ..—j Near Richmond, Va., a wife lay in a dying condition. Having brought up a clever orphan girl, who was grown, the dying woman cj 1 l,ed the vour»g woman toiler, and said: “I wuT soon leave ray children motherless. They know you and love vid,.i!t|ld aftpi, I am gone 1 want you and my husband to marry.” The young woman, Wm,i; JilfUetbiL. burst dpto, fears and tf&id: MYe were just talking about that.” 1 S „