Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 36, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 May 1877 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

Light bine tissue veils are in style. “The German Crown Prince Bap iy pE. ’ ’— Courier-Journal. A poet talks of the “sheen of May.” Isn’t this May-sheen poetry? Grapevines arc said to keep ague away, but quinine takes up less room. Duncolored horses would be about the most appropriate style for a man in debt. What sort of essence does a young man like when he pops the question?— Acquiescence. California has eight hundred tons of honey to sell st close figures. There’s cramps for all creation. The tombstone of a Coroner who hnnged himself has this inscription upon it: “He lived and died by suicide.” A clergyman of Allegheny county, N. Y., advertises himself as “pastor of’ church and notary public.” Sono of a sufferer from the toothache: “ How happy could I be with ether!”— Boeton Commercial Bulletin. A little girl suffering from the mumps declares that she “ feels as though a headache had slipped down into her neck.” Walking in your sleep is now termed a trance-action.— World. Yes; at that moment the soul is trance-my-gracious.— New York Graphic. The Norristown Herald has discovered that no man can get so rich as to be beyond the necessity of living on a crust — “the earth’s crust!” The Oil City Derrick has the laziest man in America for a neighbor. “Itis a common occurrence for his watch to run down while he is winding it up.” The United States Circuit Court of Oregon adjourned “out of respect” to its clerk, who had committed suicide at the close of a month of constant intoxication. An Indiana doctor has just made the discovery that asparagus secretes a virulent poison. Thus he cruelty disparagus the most delightful of our early vegetables. — Burlington Hawk-Eye. The balmy breath of spring is so entwined with the fragrance of new onions that a man has to grip his nose with a spring clothes-pin every time he stoops to pluck a violet.— Danbury News.

No one can say that the day won’t yet come when ever}' family will have a number of clams trained to pinch children, and thus save parents Wjng the whip and the boot-jack.— Detroit Free Brest. Hundreds of our young doctors, it is rumored, are applying for positions as surgeons in the Turkish army. This is, indeed, help for Russia from an unexpected source. — N. Y. Commercial Advertieer. A Des Moines woman visiting Beaton writes home that all the teachers but one remain in one of )he public schools who were there when she left, in 1868. She thinks that an indication of the stability of New 7 England institutions. Her husband thinks that it is an indication of the slim chances maids in Massachusetts have to get married. A Gentleman observed an urchin who had a large slice of bread in his hand, and who was crying bitterly. “My son,” he exclaimed, “what are you crying about ?” “My mother won’t (boo-hoo-oo) put any butteron my bread (boo-hoo-oo)!” “Oh, is that all?” said the gentleman. “It ain’t so much the butter,” retorted the little urchin;“ it’s the disposition of the old woman.” Filial affection glitters like diamonddust, and is as valuable. Filial.affection, mixed with selfishness, is like ’diamonddust mixed with broken bits of glass, and is worth less. We have heard of a man whose aged mother was bitten by a neighbor’s dog, and w’ho deliverea himself thus: “I will certainly kill that dog, because he has disabled my aged mother. A man can have but one mother, and mine has only a few years left and that bite has laid her up so she can’t brin" in the wood or fetch water from the well, or make herself useful in any w 7 ay. At the very best I could have expected Her to do these tilings only a few years more, and now I have lost even that. The dog shall die;” Such unparalleled affection is worthy of all commendation. — N. Y. Herald.

Many years ago, a certain parson was silently adding to a personal unpopularity by urging the purchase of a new' organ upon the individual members of his congregation, without making much headway. At last he accosted a substantial gentleman as follows: “ Deacon B ,it has surprised us all that yoa do not enter into this organ business with your usual zeal in other church matters. What’s the trouble ?” “ Well, Parson, I will tell you: I am well satisfied with your ministrations, but there are those who begin to whisper that you are getting too old, etc., and I have been afraid that if the young people got a new organ at one end of the church, they would soon be clamoring for a new organ at yours.” The reply was satisfactoiy, and the old organ remained for many years thereafter. —Wew Haven Register. According to the New York Timet, an Oswego man invented a plan for ridding his corn-fields of the destructive crow. This man, whenever he plants his corn, leaves in a conspicuous position in the field a boxful ofcom which has been thoroughly soaked in alcohol, and remarks in a loud though apparently careless voice, that for his part he likes crows, and is determined that they shall have their fair share of corn.- Thus encouraged, the crows flock to the feast as soon as the farmer’s back is turned, and in the course of one or two hours are rendered as drunk as an equal quantity of boiled owls. At this point the farmer returns with a club and a double-barreled gun. "With tlie former he beats out the brains of the drunken crows with the skill of a model policeman, and with the latter he shoots those who are sober enough to stagger sway in search of safety. The few who can still manage to fly escape, and their description of the infamous character of that particular farmer, anil the degrading and fatal consequences of indulgence in his adulterated corn, readily influences all the crows to shun the field in which intoxicating com is dispensed. The ingenious farmer who invented this stratagem will hay,c the gratitude of all other farmers. —The will of Com. Vanderbilt is registered for probate in Bennington, Vt., in consequence of the mortgage cm the Harlem Extension Railroad, which was owned by the Commodore. ■ The Banner, of Bennington, says that the fees on the will will more than pay the whole expenses of the court for this year. According to an article in Blackwood for April on the reconstruction of the French army, France is now able to defend herself against Germany, but is pot yet strong enough to attack her. Hie French army, says the writer, is now 1,800,000 strong,-and can be increased to nearly 2,000,000.