Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 April 1877 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

“Aran, shower*”—Certainlyshedoeti Africa produces ths moat undressed black kids Nbw York’s latest aid io mortalitytile hand grenade. Grat stocking* with blue stripes are imported for children. Deceased bad a nature as sensitive as a sore thumb— Omaha obituary. Englishmen are not supposed to be wholly wise until they are fifty-five yean old. Those who come to you to talk about other* are the ones who go to others to talk about you. Arkansas has more newspapers in proSortion to the population than any other tatc in the Union. It will cost money to visit the To Semite Valley this year. There are seven gates to go through. A lady, inclined to flirt, says men are like a cold, easily caught, but very hard to get rid of.— Pittsburgh Ditpatch. Because the Texas pasture grounds are “ a rolling country,” it don’t necessarily follow that Texas cattle are “rolling stock.” . The picnic season commences as soon as children cease to take cold and become sick from natural causes at home. — N. 0. Republican. Lady Visitor —My dear, do you know if your mamma is eugaged? Little girl of the period—Engaged ? Bless you, why, she's married. Tdough the telephone enables us to tell a friend at a distance, it don’t enable us to tell-a-foe-in disguise. — H. Y. Commercial Advertiser. That is a dreary and deserted-looking country burn which has not yet commenced to be embellished for 1877 with the brilliant circus-poster. You can always detect a bachelor by the way he handles a baby; but, to be safe from loss, it is well to use a borrowed baby in making the experiment. The custom of serving dinners to the mourners at funerals still prevails in portions of Lebanon County, Pa. On one occasion lately nearly 500 persons partook. If two-hogsheads make a pipe, how many will make a cigar? — Ex. One hog’s head sometimes makes a clear—smoke in ladies’ company.—A orristowu Herald.

New cucumbers are only seventy-five cents a dozen, and the man who won’t allow his family to have a nice spring case of stomach-ache is too mean to live. — Oil City Derrick. A good pianist, in common time, can enunciate 640 notes in a minute, and 900 in quick time. That’s faster than the most infuriated neighbor can swear.— St. Louie Journal. A boy may have ever so yellow hair and ever so meek a look, and yet he will drum on an old tin pan in the back yard if half of the family are at the point of death.— Detroit Free Preet. The Baltimore Jiewe call upon the public to forget friendship aad party ties, rise to the level of the occasion, and to put a bullet into the first dog that comes withiu shooting distance. Qnce in a while there comes along a boy who wishes in his soul that he were a poor, lone ophan, so he could smoke cigars somewhere else than in a back alley.—Chicago Evening Journal. Dr. Holland says the most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman’s heart. It would seem that he has never observed the tender care with which a man handles a meerschaum pipe that is just beginning to have a bilious look around the base of the bowl.— Worcester Press. A young female traveling accordionplayer was observed sitting on a door-step, fast Thursday, eating a raw onion. As the gentle aroma ascended heavenward, and passed a pair of sweet blue orbs over which brown lashes fell in delicate fringes, the accordion-angel was observed to drop a tear. — Whitehall (N. Y.) Times. A fellow never appreciates the tender beauty of a sister’s love half so much as when he makes her get out of the big rocking chair, and let him have the morning paper, while she goes off and leans up against the end of the bureau and feeds her starving intellect on the household receipts at the back of Jaynes’ family almanac. A brother’s love is like pure gold. It’s dreadfully hard to find, and when you find it it’s very apt to be pyrites.— Burlington Hawk-Eye.

At a Southern hotel bar an eager controversy was pending ’twixt various Generals, Majors, etc., when a quiet fellow observed, “I happened to be there, gentlemen, and possibly may be able to refresh your memories.” Thereupon he proceeded to give a succinct account of a smart action. “What migSt have been your rank, sir?” asked the hotel-keeper. “ I was a private.” About to start next day, he demanded his bill. “ Not a cent, sir; not a cent. You’re the very first private I ever met.” There is sold a new kind of ware which takes the place of porcelain, and of which the Chicago Health Commissioner has just given an opinion. The ware is called “granite,” and the Commissioner says of Jt: “I have here a piece of kitchen furniture which you will please notice. It. is a stew-pan. The body of it is iron, covered with a composition called porcelain. Now this porcelain is composed to oneeighth degree of the oxide of lead, which we all know is a poison, and it is only necessary to cook or boil some acid in this pan to cause tiie lead in this composition to become soluble, and, uniting with the article in process of cooking, to make poisonous food. I tell you there is death for a whole family in one such utensil as this,” and he struck the edge thereof with his lead-pencil, and the pieces, like unto bits of colored glass were broken off, and the Commissioner said: “ See?” and the reporter saw and noted it, and the Commissioner then said: “Tins ware is being widely purchased for all conceivable purposes, and it should not be so; why, a eour-apple pie baked in that thing would kill a family,” and the purchases should not continue and the people through ignorance be poisoned and die never knowing why nor wherefore.—St. Louie liepublican.