Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 31, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 April 1877 — SENSE AND NONSENSE [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE

Half the truth is oftentimes as bad a ile as no truth. Cam an honest meal be made off a “boaed” turkey? Tnn new evening dresses are made in the Prlncesse sliajte. Prok. Tick predicts a dry summer, and advises tanners to plow deep. Tiik ssfest way is to eulogize a person you don’t know.— Mark Twain. A County Jaii, out West has a sign over the gate, “ Gcd Bless Our Home.” Wiikn is a candle like a tomb stone? When it is put up for a late husband. Grasshoppers are numerous in Colorado, and threaten general destruction to the crops. A baby, says a recent French writer, is un angel whose wimrs decrease as its legs increase. State of suffering— Ill.— Washington Herald. A fatherly State —Pa.— Norrit* town Herald. The New York Herald speaks of the ‘ ‘ troublesome silver coins.” Must be the Eastern climate. , WiLliamsburgh, N. Y., a town with 4,000 Spitz dogs, is conducting a massacre of those dangerous pets. Complaints of Mormon propagandists in Buncombe County, N. C., are made to the Governor of the State. A late book is entitled “ Half Hours with Insects.” What a lively half-hour one can have with a bee! Can the “ lap of May ” and the “ lap of spring,” alluded to in articles of tills season of the year, be considered as belonging to the lapse of time? One of the conductors on a Boston street railway is a divinity student, who took the position for a few months in order to study human nature. Ninety-nine out of a hundred people make a great mistake when they cut off' a dog’s tail, in throwing away the wrong end. —Hluegrass (.Kg.) Clipper. A Philadelphia paper expresses the opinion that there ought to be a standing advertisement in all the city papers for a new supply of live merchants. " It takes a large amount of affection to make a good Mormon father. Not every heart is large enough to hold the love of sixteen wives and sixty-four children.

One-sixth the population of Mercer County, Pa., have signed the temperance pledge. In the oil region of McKean County the same state of affairs exists. An advertisement in a Boston newspaper is as*follows: “Wanted—A young man in the dry-goods trade; to be partly out-doors and partly behind the counter.” A harpy Chicago maiden affirms that by placing a lover in the rays of a blue glass window he can be made to propose at one sitting. She has tried and proved it herself. California is shipping large quantities of honey to Great Britain, and promises that, if the demand increases, she can supply any required amount of the deli■jacy; A punster was once thrust into a closet with the threat that he would not be released until he made a pun. Almost instaneously he exclaimed, “O-pun the dooil” Cast. Burnaby was asked by his Turcoman guide which an Englishman lores best, his horse or his wife. But the author answered diplomatically: “That depends on the woman.” Those were merry old days when it was accounted the proper thing for a gentleman who took snuff from a young lady’s snuff-,box immediately to exclaim, with a bow-; “ I-kis-s-you.” Copy of an advertisement hung up in a Cheyenne hotel: “Wantid —Passenger on the black hill Dead wod. feare 16 dolors each 50 lbs Bagge. start as soon as We hav passengears anofe.” “ I’ve made the fire all of the week,” shouted Jones: “’Tis false,’’ cried his wife, in most positive • tones; “And, unless yon would witness me fighting a liar. Ton'd better get up and he lighting a Are!" When a London medical journal wants to describe a healthy man, it simply says: “Clean tongue, good appetite, slow pulse, cool skin, clear head, steady hand, good walking power and light, refreshing sleep.”

The Boston papers tell of a love-sick girl who married against her father’s wishes and went home after the first conjugal tiff. ‘‘Kill the prodigal,” exclaimed the old gent, “ the calf has returned.” “Oh! yes,” said an old lady, “the modern cook-stove is a great invention, and when my boy James gets through his studies in practical engineering, so he can come home and run it, I’ll buy oneof ’em; but not afore.” California newspapers allege that, from unexplained causes, that State, and Ban Francisco in particular, furnishes a greater number of cases of paralysis than any other similar region in die country, if not in the world. This was Robert Stephenson’s remark to the man who used to bother him about perpetual motion: “If you will take yourself up by the waistbanu of your breeches and carry yourself round the room, I will consider the matter.” Mb. Carlyle says that young men should be shut up in barrels and kept somewhere out of sight until they have passed their twenty-fifth year, because His about this time that they “ attain to their maximum of detestability.” A novelty from Paris is a crepe lissc tie, embroidered and having scollops at the edge, bordered most effectively with veiy small peacock's feathers, which form a pleasing contrast with the dead white of the rest of the scarf. Come to Detroit if vou would be happy. A man earning a safary of sixty dollars per month pays seventy-two dollars per month for board for himself and wife, and she is allowed ninety dollars to get new clothes for Easter. — Detroit Free Fret*. A man swearing the peace against three of his sons, thus concludes his affidavit: “And the deponent further saith that the only one of liis children who showed him any real filial affection was his youngest son, Larry, for he never struck him when he was down.” —The following anecdote is told in illustration of the proverbial politeness of Spanish robbers: An Englishman was once accosted on a lonely road by a ruffian. “Sir, you have mtreoat on; may I trouble yon for it?” The Englishman drew a pistol, and told the fellow he was mistaken. “Sir,” said the robber, “I perceive that I am. Will you do me the honor to communicate your name, that I may remember it in my prayers”’ . “ii mm • m t —A few minutes before beings shot the Mormon Lee was requested by a photographer to “ please assume a pleasant look.” This world is prone to ask a great deal df a man.