Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 April 1877 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

Maid of Money—A young helms. The Spits dog's star has set: his case la becoming Sirius. The best tire-proof vault for yous silver Is not to have any silver. Gentlemen's trousers will be worn closer fitting this spring. Camki/s uaih grenadine is the novelty La thin goods for summer. Off In the stilly night—The bank-de-faulter. —Philadelphia Bulletin. To keep moths out of old clothing, it is recommended to give the clothing to the poor. A mah driving a sheared horse always acts proud and at tho same time rather ashamed. “ Whew a dog Spitz, he may be considered mad,” remarked somebody. That’s whelp put. The Town Clerk of Salisbury, Vt, has Just received his flfty-fourth consecutive election to that office. The sleeves of new dresses fit tighter than ever. To laugh in one's sleeve has now become purely metaphorical. The past winter has given positive proof that the perfect snow plow has not yet been invented. —Detroit Free Press. A quack doctor advertises rather confidentially: “ People never cough after taking one bottle of my cough mixture.” At Florence, Arizona, there is a restaurant kept by a Chinaman, with a Mexican wife, a negro cook, and a white man for waiter.

RaEl.t to bed and early to rise, Makes a man healthv, wealthy and wise; Bnt early to rye* and tardy to bed Make* a man's nose turn a cardinal red. There are occasions when the general belief of people, even though it l»e groundless, works its effect as sure as truth itself. —Schiller. A great many men—some comparatively small men now—when put into positions, would be Luthers and Columbuses.—Chapin. Tiiere is a man in Tennessee with such big feet that, if he gets them wet in December, he doesn’t have a cold in his head until February. It is reported that the house in which Sam Houston resided is standing in Houston, Tex., which seems a very proper place for it to str.nd.— N. 0. Republican. Two oysters in a gallon of lukewarm fluid at a church fair are no longer called stews, but aquariums; but some people think that there are too many fish to the water. A cross carved from preejous wood, in the center of which is a pin-hole which, if placed to the eye, shows an altar, sacred pictures aud mottoes, is the latest fashionable trinket. A young lady named Viola, whose father don’t like young men, remarked the other evening: “ I don’t see why my father gave me such a name, if he didn’t want me to have a bow.” They talk of fitting up the Great Eastern for transporting cattle from this country to England. That is beef-eating service for her, certainly. The cattle wifl doubtless be carried in the steerage. “The voice of the people” is a big thing, but the man who is fishing for the position of Postoftice clerk often mistakes his own bray for the wild cheers of forty million freemen. —Detroit Free Press. Old Mrs. Simplcigh read that it cost $50,000 to move “Cleopatra’s Needle” from Egypt to London, and now slie would like to know about how much it would cost to move Cleopatra's sewing-machine the same distance. —Norristown Herald. A Frenchman has discovered that human hair can be transplanted, and baldheaded men can become reasonably hirsute by the process. It, however, requires more skill than landscape gardening, and only very rich men can stand the expense.,...;... ....i

The telephone will soon revolutionize domestic affairs, for the man, instead of blushingly telling his wife at the supper table that he will he detained at his office, can go down town and whisper through the telephone that it is lodge night.— Oil City Herrick. A married man up-town had blue-glass put in his wife’s sitting-room—to match her eyes, he said. She returned the compliment by having red glass put in her husband’s' library— to match his nose, she said. He didn’t seem to appreciate the compliment.— Norristown Herald. A servaxt-giri., who had been admonished by her mistress to be very careful in “wasbin’ up” the best tea things, was overheard shortly afterward indulging in the following soliloquy while in the act of wiping the sugar basin: “If I was to drop this ’ere basin, and was to catch it, I suppose I shouldn’t catch it; but I suppose if I was to drop it, and wasn" to catch it, I reckon I should catch it.” There ought to be no more repining about hard times. It is solemnly announced that Fermat’s celebrated theorem, which was announced but not proved more than two centuries ago, has at last been demonstrated by Prof. Paolo Govini, of Lodi, in Italy. Hie theorem is that 44 x raised to the with power, plus y raised to the mth power, eauals e raised to the mth power,” and with the point settled beyond dispute, consumption ought to increase and production diminish to an extent never equaled in the auuals of the world.— Detroit Free Press. As a rule, a sneeze is the warning Nature gives that some part of the body is exposed to a cooler temperature than the other parts, and that the sneezer is 44 catching cold.” Next to the warning, what is the use of the sneeze ? It throws open the pores of the whole body, and induces agentle perspiration: in a word, it throws off the cold. A child rarely sneezes mare than twice—perspiration is readily induced in a youth; an old man, on the contrary, sneezes half a dozen to a dozen times, with a loudly-exposive “catchogue.” It is harder to set him perspiring. When one is sitting by an open window, and he finds himself sneezing, Nature tells him he is taking cold, fle should get np instantly, walk about, and take a full tumbler of cold water to keep up the gentle perspiration that the sneeze set in motion. If he does this, he will not be telling, an hour after, that he has a 44 cold in his head,” or chest, or lungs.— Dr. E. Wentworth.