Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 29, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 April 1877 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

Jonimi* is unite sure the picture of a Spitz dog he drew on the parlor wall was good, because it made his father mad. “Am Independent editor is a man who will crowd out a new advertisement to make room for a fresh piece of spring poetry,” says a Southern paper. Prof. Proctor says the earth is growing bigger. Yes, it has got so big that it frequently rises up and bumps a man as he goes home in the morning. A universal dogma of fashion Is: Bien chawue, bien gantee a un joli mouchoir depoAe (well shod, well gloved, and a pretty pocket-handkerchief.) Farr agut was lashed to the mast, but every autumn the pigs go willingly to the mast without the necessity of being lashed or driven by any other harsh means. “ Ho, all ye dyspeptics 1” says a patent medicine advertisement If all the dyspeptics would hoe regularly their number would be reduced amazingly.— Exchange. Mrs. Middlerib says, speaking of effective irony, her husband's heelless hose present the most striking specimens of sock chasm she ever saw.— Burlington Hauk-Eye. “ My son,” said a doting mother to her eight-year-old son, “ what pleasure do you feel like giving up during the Lenten season?” “Well, ma, I guess I’ll stay away from school,” was the reply. A San Francisco man, with a $2,000 a day' income, has a penchant for getting his money's worth. Considering the saucer a part of the cup, he insists on both being filled when he orders a cup of coffee. The best or most extensively advertised hotels are always the most prosperous and popular. This is the rule all over the world, from Iceland’s Greasy Mountains to Coral’s India Strand. We call, the attention of Bonifaces to this fact.— N. Y. Evening Mail. It would appear that the experience of the Profitable Lodger of old was the same as that of the lodger of the present day. “For the bed is shorter than that a man can stretch himself on it, and the covering narrower than that he can wrap himselt' in it.”—lsaiah xxviii., 20. About the sickest typographical error we have seen for some time is the recent announcement that a certain gentleman would deliver a lecture “on the small-pox for the benefit of the poor.” The editor wrote “ on the 6th prox.”—and the intelligent compositor will accompany a colony to Texas next month.— Norristown Herald. “ Oh, what becomes," said Chloe fair, “ Of all the pins that from my hair I drop unheeded on the floor, And never miss or see them more?” “ My dear,” said Darwin, “ they all go Into our mother earth below; There their development begins, And ending they are terra-pins I” A man in Ansonia, Conn., had a tooth drawn. The charge was fifty cents, and he tendered a twodollar bill. The dentist having only one dollar in change, the obliging customer deliberately sat down and had a sound molar extracted to make the change even. Here is a chance for some one to say that this tooth-out story is too-thin.

Said he: “Oh, he’s seen a great deal of trouble in his time for so young a chap. Why, he used to come here with two gold watches on and a spring overcoat on each arm—just gay, you know. Now, he has to have his linen duster dyed, and he looks around for a place where they can dye two colors, so as to have a facing on it, Rough, ain't it?” Dean Ramsey relates that at a certain dinner party the hostess observed that one of the guests-an Hon. Mrs. Murray, had no spoon for her soup, and called the attention of' the servant to the fact. The man-servant, who was an eccentric character, replied to his mistress, in a voice which was heard all over the room: “ Mum, the last time Mrs. Murray was here we lost a spoon!” In Philadelphia recently the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania denied the appeal of a man condemned to death, upon the ground that he was too poor to have the papers in his case printed, as the rule of the Court requires. Rather than remit a rule made for their own convenience, the Judges therefore decided that a man possi. bly innocent should be denied the benefit of an appeal and hanged. “It's all very well,” remarked arednosed man in a*bad hat and an ulster of the vintage of ’73, “ it’s all very well to say let business revive, but what we want, sir, is confidence, public confidence, sir. Each of us must be willing to bring out our hoarded dollars and put them once more in circulation. Then the skies will brighten, then—by the way, I changed my vest this morning—lend me fifty cents, will you?” The care with which the “best room” wds kept from use by our ancestors, and indeed is now by some of the good coun-ti-y wives of the was illustrated in the case of a good lady who in her last illness was visited by her pastor. Being asked if he was resigned, she replied: “lam perfectly happy, Brother B ■■-. I have made my peace with the Lord, and got the key of the keepin’-room under my pillow.”— Boston Bulletin. “ What’s broke loose, Charley? Where are you going in such a hurry?” “I’m going to the store.” “ Trade must be active with you.” “ It’s not the trade that has called me out. But I’ll explain the thing to you to keep down infernal suspicions. There are three partners in our store, and we have only two chairs. The last man that comes in the morning has to stand up all day. It is very important for me to get to the store early this morninggood day.” A party of plantation negroes were engaged in pitching coppers. It was discovered that after a while’ several coppers were missing, though no one had been detected in picking up any but his own pennies. One old negro, whose coppers had mysteriously disappeared, at length becoming satisfied in his mind that there was foul play going on, and observing that one of the barefooted party had a peculiar way every now and then of jerking his foot up to his hand, called a pause in the game, sayinsr: “De gemman wif de tar on his heel will pleas to wifdraw.” The suspected individual retiring on this polite invitation, the game went on without the mysterious disappearance of any more coppers. <