Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 21, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 February 1877 — Josh Billings’ Philosophy. [ARTICLE]

Josh Billings’ Philosophy.

There are more men who have lived too long for their reputation than there are who have died too soon. There are two kinds of monkeys, my friend, monkeys from choice and monkeys from necessity—don’t confound them. - Avarice is tne worst-kind of poverty; it is aa hard to satisfy as the grave is. ‘ I think I had rather meet a highwayman thana professional fault-finder. A weak man needb more watching than a wicked one. where is wo better evidence of a good hedrt, and a strong head, than to give it up, when fairly beaten. An indolent man may not be as bad as a wicked one to-day, but there is great risk that he will be to-morrow. This is business—don’t do for others what you wouldn’t think of asking them to do for vou. I look upon the man who never was known to make a blunder with a kind of pity; he has simply missed his destiny. There is an immense amount of charity which can be done in this world thatdon’t cost any more than giving a man a light from a cigar. I don’t blame any man for trying to lighten it is load; even mujes won’t carry double without kicking up behind. I argue that if a man has not any conscience he has not any §oul. . Keep your feet warm, your head coot, ana breathe through your nose-, and dftjc-*’ tors wiH be as scarce in this world as 11 fron> S within! ’ not from wimout; a person may hunt the world all over in vain, and at last find happiness as the old woman did the spectacles which she had lost—on her own nose. Next to an act of repentance, for solid comfort and quiet satisfaction, comes an act of politeness. The man whose conversation is made, up entirely of what is called wit is the most uncomfortable creature imaginable; I had rather stir up a hornet’s nest than be stirred up by a fellow of this kind. , Envy is a'pagsien that eveiy one cultivaiee, and every one is ashamed of. Wo can iftake almUst anything possible of impossible by saying it is so and stlckI‘ride and jealousy are associates; the peacock is ’ust as jealous as he is vain. There is no limit to the ambition of man; tell him that be coqld live forever, he would want live ten years longer, and be omnipotent beside. I have known men to spend months of valuable time learning how to balance themselves on one leg, and then get beaten by a goose any time.

When I hear a mon bragging that he has worn the same old W he has on for five years, and that they are as good as ever, lam ready to bet that that man has just about filled his deattqy. The person who invented the friction match, or tight boots made easy, has done full as much service to mankind, and more, than the authors of the stoic philoao P People are always happy Just in proportion to what they think they are; and when a man proclaims that he is perfectly; happy he is either a phlloeopheror a Idol; it don’t make a cent’s difference which. There is a large invoice of fresh-water martyrs in this world; folks whose greatest pride is in telling what a dreadful miserable time they have always had. on it. b It is a great satisfaction to know that the devil never fought a successful battle yet that wasn’t fought under cover of virtue. J!t There is a right way to do everything; the man who knows exactly* how, can. turn a grinding stone twenty per cent, better than a green hand. Silence has Men strongly recommended to those who have not anything to say. If this rule was strictly carried out, J am - afraid that talking would soon become one of the lost arts.— N. Y. Weekly. Thk New York Aquarium has just received some snakes from Asia, the peculiarity of which is that on being tapped . with a stick, they break into any number of plebes like a 'stem of glass.