Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 January 1877 — A TALK TO GIRLS ON “HOW TO TALK.” [ARTICLE]

A TALK TO GIRLS ON “HOW TO TALK.”

I want you all to tiy most earnestly to be good talkers. That means a great deal. A woman who can charm by her conversation is always sought for. Of course some women have a gift of expression, but all can lparn talk agreeably if they will give their mind to the acquisition of the art. How can yon learn ? Just begin. Talk about something. Nonsense is better than awkward pauses. Don't think of yourself, but start a subject. If it must be the weather, pull that to .pieces; compare to-day with yesterday, and hope for a fair to-morrow; but never sit like ,a scared parrot, or an automaton that has run down. A great deal is said about the everlasting clack of a woman’s tongue, and many poor jokes and a few good ones are made on our volubility and Incoherent prattle. But scandal, or twaddle, or illogical, vapid chatter is not conversation. To tell an anecdote successfully, is one of the fide arts, and a very difficult thing to achieve. How many of you can do it without—Or leaving oat the -pan? Try it. Get together some evening half a dozen girls and boys, and each one tell an anecdote as concisely and as picturesquely as possible. Your experience will prove that you need practice. Then select some one subject—anecdotes of children or traveling, legal wit or repartees or bulls. Study one or two good jokes, as you would a lesson. Get the lights and shades, the right tone, the facial expression that adds so much to a story, and when you meet again, notice the improvement. * An amusing anecdote will often put a whole family in good humor or rouse a dinner-table from dullness. But to talk too much, even if you do it admirably, is, if anything, worse than silence. A woman who really knows a good deal is apt to try to tell you all she knows in one interview. She is terribly oppressive. A gentleman assured me, the other day, that he had given up the acquaintance of a very brilliant woman because he had been trying for two years to tell her something important, butnever could get in a word! True conversation is an exchange of ideas, not a lecture or an essay. Don’t talk about yourself. No one wants to hear of your success or defeat/ your joy or trials, except the few tried friends who are really interested in whatever concerns you. t Protruding egotism makes even a great and learned mrfh ridiculous, and in a woman it is apt to degenerate into minute details which are nauseating and a waste of time. Talk of things, events, books, others’ interests, and, if people must be discussed, do it sparingly, and, above all, charitably. If you have a tendency to sarcasm* try hard to restrain it. It makes you feared and suspected. A keen sense of the ludicrous is a great blessing, giving flavor and sparkle to every-day life; but don’t make targets of your friends. Personalities are unladylike and unchristian. If I cannot inspire you all with a genius for conversation, I can at least point out some mistakes which are made every day, some habits which should be avoided, and some phrases which you must taboo, if you desire to be agreeable. I know a lady and her husband who would be delightful companions, bat they have each apet phrase, and it spoils ail they say. The lady adds “To be sure” to everything you say, while the gentlemen carries you along with a dreadful “You see? You see?” as a running frain to his otherwise interesting conversation. They are charming people; they give such a warm welcome, such a good dinner; but their friends are wearied by those set, monotonous catchwords. Once conquered by such a habit, and it f ains as strong a hold as rum or opium, t requires an iron will and constant watchfulness to be rid of even three words. Don’t say “You know.," to he'p out a scanty stock of ideas, especially when Sour hearers don’t know a thing about. it. ome people use "As I say” in an oracular way, when tney have never expressed the thought before; others prefer the present tense while describing a past event, as, “He says,” or “ Says ehe,”i when speaking about a conversation of perhaps a month ago. The mistake is reversed with the word expect—“l expect she did,” or “ I-expect it faan interesting book,” far, I suppose or think so. “Will” is wrongly used for “ shall,” even by persons of culture, and it is difficult to define the Unfits of these words, though a trained ear can tell at once which is the proper word to Use—“shall ” for what is in the future, “will" for determination *ad certainty. “ Doesn’t/’ doss, double duty for itself and “does not.” “He don’t think of going,”—“ He do not think,” fa very bad, yet we near the contradiction daily. Avoid the customary but inane “padding,” such aq “Is that so?" as an unmeaning response to what your friend has sqnarely stated “it to-" A single sentence often reveals culture, or toe lack of it. I paid a visit to a pretty, well! dressed lady the other- day. And? she said, “ I used to be real slender, but some way I’vejl ethed up terribly within the last few years.” If you fail to hear a question, never attempt to remedy the matter by a vacant “How?” or “Which?” It woulfl be equally reasonable to use “ Moreover?” or'‘Notwithstanding?” “I beg yoUr pardon,” or “ Excuse me, what did you say?” or “ Pardon me, I didn’t hear," are suitably phrases. i ; It is very rude to interrupt any one, or anticipate the ideas of a slow talker, or to correct one who is laboring to get off * joke, be it ever so poorly done. Don’t, fight for a point. It fa much wfaeir And more graceful for a lady to yield, 4fneA convinced, than to hold pugnaciously to her own notions of things, a* a hungry dog bangson to a bone. f " Finally, try to draw* out what fa good,

and bright, and lovable in those about you; a sure wsy hsonln*— and friends. And ljrmember ■' witty advice, to alovaynjfirid put whether they would prefer to hear you, or thAt you should hear tbem,rrf-J’*uwt Companion.