Rensselaer Union, Volume 9, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 December 1876 — Broomstick Law. [ARTICLE]

Broomstick Law.

Tub morning train o® the Ohio & Mhwiwippi Road was whirling along U) tte destination, Bt. Louis, when Con■duetor Maflit was seised by the buttonhole and a pair of “ innocents abroad" nought for information. "You see, mister, tne and Andrew is a-going down to East Bt. Louis on bustnets, it’s particular, and we'd like Io know if you can toll u* if there is a 'Butdrc living handy to where we get off. The truth is, mister, me and Andrew is going down to get hitched. If you can •tell us about a ’Squire down there it might save time. I’ve come away and loft the ironing, and Andrew ought to <huru to-day—for there ain't a speck of butter in the house." The conductor assured them that they -would have no difficulty in finding a •Squire; also that thia magistrate, when found, would end their troubles in no time.

She laughed at the conductor's encouragement ** That is just the man we’re looking for, ain't it, Andrew?" ** I a’poee so," was his hesitating reply. Hi* answer was not what she expected. ** Oh, you only s'pote so, do you ? Then you can s’pose ao alone." She bounced over into another seat, and commenced to study the beauties of the lakes and marshes along the American bottom. That brought him to terms.. “ Mary Jane, come back here, I want Ao tell vou something." She lookedm him scornfully; then relented, and catne back. “Thishere train o’care is goin’ awful fast, ain’t it?" " Yea. I s’pose so. But what was you going to tell me ?" “if we keep on going so fast, in less’n an hour we’ll be there. Don’t it make you led uneasy. Mary Jane?"

" No, it don’t. If you wan’l a goose, Andrew, you wouldn’t mind it either. Everybody gits parried some time or other. It ain’t no worse for us than it is for other folks. Haln't you got nothing but that to tell me?" He thought it over a moment, but •didn’t remember anything el&e. She pouted, and was about to return to her seat by the window again. Ha caught her hand,'and she was willing to be caught and remain. When the train arrived at East Bt. Louis, Andrew and his Mary Jane went at once in quest of a ’Squire who would make them one. After a little blundering they found the office and the man. He was sweeping out his court-room. When «hcv entered lie dusted off two chairs, and said if their business was not very urgent he would finish sweeping. Five minutes -would make everything tidy and nice. “ Give me that broom, ’Squire, and, Andrew, you tell the man what’s wanted.” She was not going to wait for a man’s awkward sweeping. “ He says He can’t do it, Mary Jane. It wouldn’t lie lawful without a license Ain't that rough on us?” “ Licenser’ and she dropped the broom in astonishment. “ Mister, me and Andrew wants to get married; that’s what ■we want. It’s not likely that we’ll ever adl whisky or keep a hotel. When we do. we’ll come to you first for a license.” “ But you can’t get married in Illinoy -without a license.” said the Justice, -dryly. k “ License to get married! Well, times has come to a dreadful state. Folks can’t git married here in Dlinby without a license. There’s the ironing to be done today; and Andrew’s got to churn. Anti there's Miss Witherwax to keep in good humor (she’s the woman me and Andrew '.live with, and she’s the crassest woman in Ridge Prairie), and all this has got to happen afore sundown.” “I'm sorry.” said the Justice, “but you must go to the Court-House m Belleville and get your license before I can marry you." “ 1 reckon we’ll have to go home without it, Mary Jane” remarked the groom. “ 1 reckon you're a goose if you think I'm. going home again as Mary Jane McMichael No, sir!” She picked up the broom and moved towand the Justice. He prudently fell back behind a table. He didn’t know what was coming next, but she did. “ Come here, Andrew, and stand up alongside of me." - The groom did as he was bid. “ Now', ’Squire, you go ahead and do 'this marryin’ or' there’s going to be •trouble." The prudent Justice wanted to remon■Btrate, but she wouldn’t listen to a word of it. She handled the broom in a way that was trying to a peaceable man’s nerves. He was forced to make them man and wife. “Isit a strong hitch, 'Squire? Will it hold as good as any?” she asked. “Q, yes, you’re married strong enough." “ Then pay the gentleman, Andrew, and .let’s be going home. I’m bound to finish the ironing to-day if I am a new married woman. Good-bye, ’Squire. When folks is in a hurry there ain’t no better law agoing anywhere than broom-stick Jaw. Come, Andrew." — N.Y. Mercury.