Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 52, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 September 1876 — Voices of the Night. [ARTICLE]

Voices of the Night.

Mr. Joskins has not been a resident of Burlington more than six months. He came here from Cleveland, Ohio, and after looking around, he selected a residence out on West Hill, because it was such a quiet locality, ancl Mr. Joskins loves peace and seclusion. It is a rural kind of a neighborhood, and all of Mr. Joskins’ neighbors keep cows. And every cow wears a bell. And with an instinct worthy of the Peak family, each neighbor bad selected a cow-bell of a different key and tone from any of the others, in order that he might know the cow of his heart from the other kine of the district. So that Mr. Joskins’ nights are filled with music, of a rather wild, barbaric type; and the lone starry hours talk nothing but cow to him, and he has learned so exactly the tones of evety bell and the habits of each corresponding cow, that the voices of the night are not an unintelligible jargon to him, but they are full of intelligence and he understands them. It makes it much easier for Mr. Joskins, who is a very nervous man, than if he had to listen ana conjecture and wonder until he was fairly wild, as the rest of us would have to do. As it is, when the first sweet moments of his slumber are broken by a solemn, ponderous, resouaut

Ka-lnm, kn-lum, ka lam! Mr. Joskins knows that toe Widow Barberry’s old crumple-horn is going down the street looking for an open front gate, and Iris knowledge is confirmed by a doleful “ kalum-pu-lum!” that occurs at regular intervals, as old crumple pauses to try each gate as she passes it, for she knows that appearances are deceitful, and that a boy can shut a front gate in such a way as to thoroughly deceive his father and yet leave every catch unfastened. Then when Mr. Joskins is called up from his second doze by a lively serenade of “To-link, to-lank, lank, lankle-ink-le, lankle-inkletekinleinkletelink, kink, kink!” He knowsthatMr. Throop’syoung brindle is in Throstlewai'e’s garden ana that Throstlewaite is sailing around after her in a pair of slippers ana a night shirt. And by sitting up in bed Mr. Joskins can hear the things that Mr. Throstlewaite is throwing strike against toe side of the house and the woodshed, thud, spat, bang, and the character of tlie noises tells him whether the missile was a clod, a piece of board, or a brick. And when the wind down the street is fair, it brings with it faint echoes of Mr. Throstlewaite’s remarks, which bring into Mr. Joskins’bedroom the odor of bad grammatical construction and w icked wishes and very illapplied epithets. Then when toe final crash and tinkle announces that the cow

has bulged through the front fence and got away, and Mr. Joskins turns over to try and get a little sleep, he is not surprised, although he is annoyed, to be aroused by a sepulchral “Klank. klank, klank!” Like the chains on the old-fashioned ghost of a murdered man, for he knows it is Throstlewaite’s old duck legged brown cow going down to the vacant lot on the comer to fight anything that gives milk. And he waits and listens to the “Klank, kbrnk, klank,” until it reaches the corner and a terrific din and medley of all toe cow bells on the street tell him the skirmishers have been driven in and the action has become general. And then from that on till morning, Mr. Joskins hears the “ tinkletankle,” of toe little red cow going down the alley to prospect among toe garbage heaps, and the “ rankle-tankle, rankletankle” of toe short tailed black and white cow skirmishing 1 dowm the street ahead of an escort of badly assorted dogs, and toe “ tringle-de-ding, "tringle-de-ding, ding, ding,” of the muley cow that goes along on the sidewalk, browsing on the lower limbs of the shade trees, and the “ klank, klank, klank,” of toe fighting cow, whose bell is cracked in three places, and the incessant “ moo-ov-w-ah-ha” of the big black cow that has lost toe clapper out of her bell and has ever since kept up an unintermittent bellowing to supply its loss. And Mr. Joskins knows all these cows by their bells, and he knows what they are doing and where they are going. And although it has murdered his dreams of a quiet home, yet it has given him an opportunity to cultivate habits of intelligent observation, and has induced him to register avow 4 that . if he is ever rich enough he will keep nine cows, trained to sleep all day so as to be ready for duty at night, ana he will live in the heart of toe city with them and make them wear four,bells apiece just for the pleasure of his neighbors.— Burlington Hatok-Eye.

Good Sauce for Dumplings. —Put a piece of butter the size of an egg into a small teacupful of cold water, and dust in a little flour from the dredging-box to thicken it. Let it boil, stirring occasionally. Then add a cup of sugar and a tablespoonful of vinegar. Stir until it boils up well, then serve in a sauce-boat. In a breach of promise of marriage case tried at Liverpool recently, Mr. Baron Bramwell expressed an opinion that it would be a good thing in the majority of instances if actions of this kind were abolished, for men were goaded into marrying women whom they did not like, and then there were unhappy marriages. A Cincinnati swell told his tailor that he wouldn’t pay for “ that last epilepsy. ” It was discovered that he meant “ bad fit.”