Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 August 1876 — Mr. Nasby Receives His Final Instructions. [ARTICLE]

Mr. Nasby Receives His Final Instructions.

[From the Toledo Blade.] Confbdrit X Roads, 1 WICH IS IN THK STATB *V KENTUCKY, > Ang. 7, 18T6. ) There wuz wunst a doctor wich bed a bark wich wood either physic or puke, accordin ez he stript off the tree up or down. Like to this doctor is Tilden and Hendrix. Reed ther letters up aud they are hard money physic—reed em down and they are soft money vomick. The day I got back from the St. Loois Convensbun I commenst preparin for a stumpin toor for our gallcnt standardbarers. I borrowed an extra shirt, so that I cood hev rate; I borrowed a valise to kerry it in when I wuzn’t speakin, and also to give me standin at sich hotels, ez the Committee didn’t become responsible for my board, and Bascom completed my travelm outfit by contributin a quart bottle uv the newest, to be kerried in the valise tobeyoosed when in lokalities where the necessaries uv life wuz hard to come at. —— Ez I cocdent go out instructin uv tbe people till Iknowd wat my candidates bleeved in, I decided to wait till I got their letters nv acceptance. Did that likker stay in the valise? Not any. It wuz all gone the fust day, and I went to Bascoiu .with the empty bottle the next mornin. “Fill it up, G- W-,” sed I. “I cant go till I bev seen them letters.” “When will they come!” askt he. “To-day or to-morrow,” sed I. “Yoo stood hev kept wat you hed till the letters come,” said he. “Bascom,” wuz the response, “likker like yoers cannot be kept.” And then scein trouble ahead I continyood: “Promise me that yoo will keep this bottle filled till them letters come. It will be but a little while, and remember, Bascom, yoo got the S4OO that Tilden, the Reformer, paid for my vote at St. Loois.” “I promise!” he groaned. “ And likewise, until I hev red ’em and understood em, so that I shel not go out and spoot false Dimocrisy.” “ I promise!” he groaned agin. Day after day passed, but no letters came. But promptly every mornin I wuz at Bascom’s with that bottle, which he groaninly filled. On the thirtieth day he refoosed pint blank. “G. W-,” sed I, sternly, “remember loor promise. I may be called any minit. t wuz the foolish virgins wat hed no ile in ther lamps. I am no foolish virgin. Fill up the lamp, for I may be called tonite.”

And be filled it, becoz he bed promised. But every momin he wood lift up his voice ez I come in, and howl: “ Grashus hevens l ain’t them letters never comin to releeve me uv this incubus?” At last one mornin the letters come, in the Looisville papers, and Bascom come over to me happy, ez though a great wait had bin lifted off him. “ I fill the bottle for the last time,” sed he, gaily, “ for lo! here be the letters.” I took the papers and red the letters, and the next momin wuz promptly at biz bar with the bottle. “ Fill it!” I remarkt calmly. “ Not any,” sed he. “ Yoo hev the letters.” “George Washington B,” I replied, “yoor promise wuz to keep this bottle filled not only till I hed red the letters, but till i understood ’em. I hev bin applyin my intcllek to em for ten hours, and es I know from them letters whether I am to talk Hard money or Soft, Immcjite Resumpshen or Perpetooal Postponement, I hope never to be Postmaster.” Wat did that perfijus wretch do ? He telegraphed that very day to both Tilden and Hendrix, ez toilers: " Shel Nasby, on the stump, advocate Hard money or Soft? Anser to wunst. Important, to save an innosent Dimoerat from rooin. And the ansers come prompt : _ FROM TILDEN. Hard money, uv course, but soften it a good deal in the West. Strike boldly, however, for Reform, and agin the Corrupshen uv the Rcpublikin party. Tilden. FROM HENDRIX. SAft money, uv eourse, but harden It a good deal in the East. Strike boldly; however, for Reform, and agin the Corrupshen of the Republtkin party. Hendrix. And so, hevin my instrukshens, 1 hed to go. I shel, however, before I speek, get instrukshens from John Morrissey and Fernandy Wood, ez to the best methods of bringing about Reform, and uv flghtin corrupshen in governmental matters. Petroleum V. Nabbt, (Wich wants to be Postmaster.)