Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 July 1876 — The Wrong Woman. [ARTICLE]

The Wrong Woman.

■ Judge Pitman is one of the Directors of the public schools. Last fall the Board advertised for a female teacher, with instructions to applicants to call upon the Judge. A day or two afterward Mrs. Pitman advertised for a cook, and on that afternoon an Irish girl called at the house to obtain the place. The Judge was at perch at the time, and when she entered he mistook her for a schoolmistress, and said to her: “Did you come about that place?” .v-” Yes, sir,” she answered, “O, very well, then; take a seat and I’ll Turnover a few things in-order to ascertain what your qualifications are. Bound Africa.” “ If you please, sir, I don’t know what you mean.” “1 say bound Africa.” “ Bou—bou—begorra, I don’t know whatye’re referrin’ to.” “Very strange” said the Judge. “Can yowtell me if ‘amphibious’ is an adverb! or preposition ? What is an adverb ♦” '“indeed, and you bother me entirely. -I never had anything to do with such things at my Ustplace.” “ Then it must been a curious sort of an institution,’! said the Judge. “ Probably yon can tell me how to conjugate the verb '‘io be,’ and just mention also what you know about Herodotus.” “Ah, your Honor’s jokin’ wid me. Be done wia your fun, now.” “ Did you ever hear of Herodotus?” “Never once in the wholecoorseof my life. Do you make it with eggs?” “This is the most extraordinary woman I ever encountered,” murmured the Judge, “ How she ever associated Herodolus with the idea of eggs is simply incomprehensible. Well, can you name the hemisphere in which China and Japan are situated ?” “ Don’t bother me with your ftinnow. 1 can wash the China and the pans as wey as anybody, and that’s enough now isn’t it?” “ Dumb! awful dumb! Don't know the country from the crockery. I’ll fry her once more. Name the limits of the Tropic of Capricorn, and tell me where Asia Minor is located.” “I have a brother that’s one, sir; that’s all I know about it.” “One? One what?” ' . “ Didn’t you ask me afther the miners; sir. My brother, Teddy works wid ’em.” “And this,” said the Judge, “isthe

kind of person to whom we are asked to intrust th? education of youth. Woman, what dSF’jfai know? fohat kind of a school have you been teaching.” “ None, sir. What should Iteach school for?” - ’ • “Totally without experience, as I suppotted,” said the Judge. " Mrs. Ferguson had a governess teach tho children when I was cookin' for her.” “ Cooking! Ain’t you aschool-teacher ? What do you mean by proposing to stop cooking in order to teach school? Why, it’s preposterous.” “ liegorra I came here to get the cook’s place, sir. and that’s all of it.” “Oh, by George! I see now. You ain't a candidate for the grammar school after all. You want to see Mrs. Pitman. Maria, c<me down here a minute. There’s a thick-headed immigrant here* wants to cook for you.” And the Judge picked up his paper and resumed the editorial on “ The Impending Crisis.”—Jfoa: Adder, in N. Y. Weekly.