Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 January 1876 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—Wage* are ten cents a day in China. —A waste of *.‘t” —Putting it in depot. “GvJd bead necklaces promise to be fashionable. —Everylold maid can boastof two beaus, but they are elbows. —lron and coal industries of Virginia are growing rapidly. —As spring approaches the Black Hills excitement begins to sprout anew. » —A Mr. Wheels has re-tired to the ■shades of a New Jersey penitentiary. —“ Tichborne in baby clothes” is the latest euphemism for Jimmy Blanchard. —Three-buttoned gloves are stylish for gentlemen. And yet people talk of hard 'times! —Oneof the new French Senators is Adam. He isn’t the first man in France, 'though. , —When a man is willing to pass for what he is he makes a good beginning for manhood. —Ex-Gov. Dingley, of Maine, will resume the editorial chair. It’s better to write than be Governor. —Th« Boston Globe, in the midst of these exciting scenes, pauses to inquire what two figures multipled together make seven.

—Dwelling-house landlords appear tc be the only human beings who never have to pass through the periods of infancy and childhood. —The whole alphabet is in this one sentence of forty-eight letters: ” JohnP. Brady gave me a black walnut box of quite a small size.” —Missouri has Ceased its penitentiary for the cost of management and maintenance and $112.50 a year. Small as the amount is it is on the right side of the book. —“Yes. I know it. I made a mistake and gave him to© much medicine,” frankly said a Berkshire (Mass.) doctor, lately, when he was told that his patient was dead. —-Take the world right through, and three-quarters of the humans cio not earn their bread and clothes. That is what makes it so tough for the other quarter. —Nice weather in Alabama: Violets, buttercups, crocuses, japonicas, strawberries and plum-trees are in full bloom, and swarms of “ little busy bees” improve the shining hours. —“ It was Ben Franklin who introduced broom-corn culture in this country.” But thousands of suffering husbands would prefer to see the man who introduced broom-handles. — Norristown Herald. —The Courier-Journal properly ranks Mr. Fruits and Mrs. Fruits, of Indiana, among the first Fruits of the earth, the one being 113 and the other 111 years old. The old gentleman neither smokes noi chews, of course. —Walking-dresses should not exceed three yards round the bottom and, properly, consist of one front gore, a narrow gore either side, and a single breadth of wide and two breadths of narrow material for the back.— Hamer's Bazar. —A citizen who has been there otters a liberal reward to anyone who will invent a word containing sufficient sulphur to express a man’s feelings when he jumps out of lied in the morning and introduces his foot to a one-inch tack in the carpet. —A candidate for City Treasurer in Madison, Wis., thus announces himself: “ John Steels, Independent candidate, is found guilty before the Seventh District Police Court to sit in the City Hall for one year, as City Treasurer, and also to pay a fine of 100 kegs of independent lager.” —lt was a citizen of Vigo County, Ind., that built a handsome barn, and made the mistake of having the doortoo small to admit his new carriage. He then had the whole barn raised to let it in, and then found that he had raised the floor as well as the top of the door, and that the door was the same size as before. —The Shroeder air-ship at BaltimOrie, which had been nearly completed, ;was recently almost totally destroyed by a gale of wind. The fencing had been removed preparatory to stowing away the ship until spring, anil the wind, having free course, twisted the big machine into a shapeless mass of irregular wicker-work and broken boards. —At Saratoga, the other bridegroom stepped off the cars fori®gAment and the train went off with his‘Bfflwe. He followed on the next train down, and she,

on the other hand, returned by the next train up, and they passed each other on the road. This operation was repeated, each trip leaving them at different ends of the route, until a peremptory .telegram kept the bride stationary until,, her husband reached, her. —A very pointed conversation (says the rortland Press) was overheard on Congress street last evening. A young man had just come from the Museum, and was in the act of seeing his beloved to’ her home. As they passed up the street the conversation turned to the play which they had just enjoyed. Judging from the conversation, he was finding fault with the love-scene between Charles D'Arbel and Hurtsnse. “I could do better than that, myself,” the young man remarked. “ Why. in Heaven’s name, don’t you, then?” she replied. Then there was a long pause. —Several foreign naval powers are directing their attention to the practicability of establishing telegraph stations in midocean, by which messages can be sent from any part of the sea along the line of the cable to the terminal points on shore, and vics versa, so that communication with iron-clads, mail steamers and other vessels when out at sea may be established. The invention consists ot a hollow sectional column, with a base-plate attached by ball and socket-joint, which column is lowered into the water and anchored rigidly to the ground. The branch cable is coupled to the main cable and carried along the column to the surface of the water, to be there connected with instruments on board the vessels. By this invention it is proposed to control naval and strategical movements, while a ship in distress could communicate her exact position, the nature of her disasters, and thus procure assistance.— London Standard.

When the case of George Smith, a man of respectable appearance, arrested for snatching an umbrella from a lady in New York city, was called in court the other day, he admitted it and said that he did it for the express purpose of being arrested and sent up,” to save himself from starvation, bis petition to be sent to Blackwell’s Island having previously been denied by several magistrates.