Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 January 1876 — An Experiment That Was Balked by an Interruption. [ARTICLE]

An Experiment That Was Balked by an Interruption.

About a week ago the New York Ledger published the statement that a man in New Hampshire, who had beeD unable to speak for five years, went to sleep one night with a quid of tobacco in his mouth and awoke the next morning with his voice perfectly strong and smooth and steady. Old Mr .Jarvis, who lives out on Pond' street, is sorely afflicted with an impediment in his speech, and often says he would give a hundred dollars if he could only “ t-t-t-t taw-taw talk f-f-f-f fast enough t-'t to t-t tell a gug-gug-gug grocer what he w-w wants bub-bub-bub before hegug-gug gets it measured out.’’ He takes "the Ledger , and had taken it for twenty-three years, and he firmly believed everything he ever read in it: Sylvanus Oobb’s stories, Mr. Parton’s Lives of Eminent Americans, the answers to correspondents—Mr. Jarvis had taken them all in and believed every word. He thought that probably this quid-of-tobacco treatment might kelj> his voice a little and he resolved to give it a good trial anyhow. The first trouble was that he didn't chew, and Mrs. Jarvis would never allow a bit of tobacco about |he house. But he begged a big “chaw" of navy and when he went |o bed he tucked it snugly away in his cheek and prepared to sleep in hope. He had his misgivings, and they grew in number and strength as the quid began to assert itself and be sociable, and assimilate itself, with its surroundings. Mrs. Jarvis asked him if he fastened the front gate. “ Um,” said Mr. Jarvis, meaning that he tiad. “ And are you sure you locked the front door'" queried his restless spouse. “Um.” replied Mr. Jarvis, meaning that he had not, for he was by this time in no condition to Open his mouth. “ Hey?” she replied. “ Uni,” persisted Mr. Jarvis. “ What?” she demanded. “ Um-m-m!” protested Mr. Jarvis. “ Well,” said she, “you can’t make me believe you are that near asleep this soon.” “ Um-m-m!” said Mr. Jarvis- meaning that he would get up and bounce her out of that front door if- she didn't hold her L claek. Presently sue sat up in bed. Sniff, sniff! “John Jarvis,” she exclaimed, “if I don’t smell tobacco in this house I’m a sinful woman. Don’t you smell it?” “’31,” replied Mr. Jarvis; which bv interprelation is that he didn’t smell anything and was going to sleep. “It is in this veryroom,” she persisted, excitedly. “Um,” said 3lr. Jarvis, meaning that she must be crazy. “ It’s under the bed!” she screamed. “ There’s a burglar under the bed! Oh, help! fire! police! John Jarvis!! 1” And she smote 3lr. Jarvis a fujrious pelt in the stomach to waken him up. It was a terrific thump and its first effect was to knock all the atmosphere out of Mr. Jarvis’ lungs so far that he conld only recover his breath by a violent gasp, „whfch first carried the quid of tobacco and all the nicotine preparation that it had been steadily distilling down his throat, ap<l was immedi&telv succeeded b r a tremendous cough, as he"struggled to rise up in bed, which shot the quid

squarely in the eye of the shrieking Mrs. Jarvis. "Murder! murder!”” she screamed, V I’m stabbed! I’m stabbed!” And John Jarvis choked and coughed and spft and coughed and choked and clutched Mrs. Jarvis by the throat and tried to choke oil her noise, but he grew so “ill” that he couldn’t hold his grip, and Mrs. Jarvis, the moment her throat was 1 released from his trembling pressure, rose from the half-strangled gurgles to the sublimity of douhle-edgea screams, and made Home howl with melody. And the neighbors broke into the house and found a Bfed -room that looked and smelled like a jury-room or a street-car, with the sickest man they ever saw lying with his head over the side of the bed groaning at the rate of a mile a minute, and the worst frightened woman since the flood sitting up beside him screaming faster than he groaned, while one of her eyes was plastered up with a black quid of tobacco. And that is the way Mr. Jarvis came to stop his Ledger and denounce it as the most infamous, mendacious, pestilent sheet that ever disgraced American journalism. —Burlington Hawk-Eye.