Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 January 1876 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—The first Lurry-Cain—Eve’s birch. —False Lair i> not fashionable in Paris now. j .■ .* ■ ... ■ —Those who know most ot sorrow speak of it least. —A circular saw—A proverb that goes the round of society. —The man who pays for his clothes is the best-dressed man. —Half the “ seal-skin" goods which are worn never saw a seal. —The skin of the common house cat is rapidly rising in favor as dress far. —What piece of carpentry becomes a gem as soon as it is finished? A-gate. —There is no grief great or sudden enough to make a bald-headed man tear his hair. —The Boston Traveller thinks glaziers should lie pains-taking and putty good people. —lt is said that every profound thinker is a smoker. Keep your eye out for smokers.' —Don Carlos has issued the ambiguous edict to his followers: “Navarre give up I” —Why is a grain of sand in the eye like a schoolmaster's cane? Because it hurts the pupil. —The man who carries a cane for ornament and not use generally carries a head of the same sort. —Like a barbed hook, prejudice enters a min’s mind wdtli greater ease than it can be taken out. —A colored woman was frozen to death in Georgia recently. You want to spend your winters in the South, eh? —Too many new buildings, and consequently a reduction of rents, is one featture of the review of Boston for 1875. — A I^ n don paper says that the Sultan is “an ignorant, besotted fool, with occasional interludes of actual insanity. ’’ —A .Rochester paper calls him “old Tice,’’ and the proiessor is measuring oil a good-sized earthquake for that t-uvy.n. —Maine still clings to the imprisonment for debt law, though she owes it to civilization to sweep ii off her statute books. —There’s only one man whose business you’re glad to hear i& dull during the Holiday season, and that’s the undertaker. —A New Ydrk man, under sentence of death lor killing his sweetheart, has been declared insane. -Suppose he had married ,her? —Amember of die California Legislature has a bill for the establishment of whipping-posts for the benefit ot wifebeaters. —The centennial is at hand, says the Troy (N. Y.) Time *, and now let every American citizen get his hatchet ready to tell the truth. —just as sure as a little boy gets hold of an unloaded pistol it is sure to go off" and kill some one. How the charge gets in there is a mystery. —The Duke of Edinburgh must either go to sea and work his way to the rank of Admiral or retire from the navy with the title of Post Captain. —The London Saturday Review says that “ the tanners and traders of the United States are probably superior in moral and intellectual qualities to the bulk of any other civilized community.”

jU —A Cincinnati physician wrote to the Qatefte of that city advising the abolition of the horse. The Enquirer cruelly observes: “Some «u» is writing in the Ga-‘ tette in favor of nliolisliing the horse! There was always an antipathy between these useful animals." * —G<kh3 joke on Bret Ilartc. He went to visit a relative in a subqrb of Troy, N. Y., recently, while the family was absent. He was muddy and travel-worn, and a servant-mistaken him for a tramp, reluctantly admitted him to- the kitchen, where she set a coachman to watch him until her mistress came! —The Grand Jury at Jacksonville, Fla., makes the'following disclosures: “We find that there are three prisoners in the jail who have been’there nearly two years for the pitiful sum of $lO costs each. These prisoners have cost the* county nearly S9OO. We recommend that the County Commissioners pay Hie fines, release the prisoners and thereby save money foj the county." —People in GrcetWille, Miss., are asking themselves what’s the use of dying if you can’t get a notice in the newspapers? The Intelligencer, of that place, says: “Our friends must remember that we cannot publish lengthy obituaries, and especially of those who were not sub-, seribers during their lives and who never aided us in any way. Our printing c-*ts us entirely too much. We cannot afford it. The announcement is all that we can publish." -The most complete failure on record is that of Warren 11. Bussell, of Hatfield, Mass., whose liabilities are $21,000. Several of liis creditors proved their claims before Register Davis the other day. Josephus Crusts, assignee, visited Bussell's on Friday to inventory his property, and found only sixteen spring chickens and an old wagon.” Fearful that the chickens might take to their wings and fly away lie at oncesold them at seventy cents ea"h; and being in for the whole job lie bargained the old wagon for five dollars, making a total assets of $16.20 to offset $21,000. As the expenses of settling the estaUji'will he about SIOO, tlip remainder, besides the $10.20, will la;assessed upon those creditors wlm were so unfortunfee as to prove their claims. — Boston. Globe. —The'Reading Eagle says that a young mail.from Springfield, Chester County, Pa., visited that city to buy a number of Christmas presents lor a young lady to whom he is engaged. A number 4>f young men knew of the trip to Beading, tind as it was dark when lie neared the house of his intended the party waited for him along the road, and when he was thinking over the effect the presents would produce he was suddenly met in the road by four masked men, who caught him and tied him with a rope, and took the presents from him. He begged for his life, hut they still continued to tie him hand and foot, and then threw him down and made him state when the wedding was to take place, and what he had bought, and how long he had paid attention to the lady. To all these questions he answered promptly, and then would beg them not to kill him. To close the sport they tied his hands securely behind liis back, turning his coat inside out first, then tying the presents on his back they started him for the house iff his intended, and threatened that if lie did not go in they would assault him again. He went in, but what llie result ol the interview was is not known.