Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 January 1876 — The Thermometer Man. [ARTICLE]

The Thermometer Man.

He was a wayworn man from the East, and he had thirty-seven thermometers in a basket on his arm. After standing on the afreet comers for two or three hours without making a sale he staffed for the eastern part of the city, hoping to do. better among the private houses. He seemed to gain confidence from the cheerful look ot the dwellings,-apd he bore himself like a banker as he ascended the steps and pulled a door-bell. “ Nothing for the poor,” said the lady as she opened the door. “ I am not soliciting for the poor—l am selling thermometers,” he replied in a balmy voice. i “ Don't want any—bought our stock in the fall,” she said, drawing ini her head. “ I said thermometers, madam,” he called in a despairing voice. “ I know it; but we’Ve got all the vegetables we can use,” she called back, and the door struck his toes. Going into the saloon on the corner the man addressed the proprietor with a swefit smile, shying: "Would you like a thermometer tpday?” “By de pushel?” inquired thesaloonist. “ No—a thermometer—a small instrument tor telling you when it is cold or warm.” “ Any music-box in it?” inquired the saloonist. “No. It records the weather.” “ What wedder?” f “ Why, the weather we have every day in the year. When it is warm this little bulb runs up; when it4s cold it sinks down.” , ■ “Umph ! Vhen it ish warm I dakes my goat off’; vhen it ish gold I but more goal in der stoaf. Go mid sell datto some schmall poy as knows noddings!” The thermometer man entered a carpetweaver’s, and a bow-backed man nodded kindly and Cordially welcomed him. “ Accurate thermometers for only twen-ty-five cehts,” said the peddler, as beheld one up. “ New thing?” asked the weaver, as he took one in his hand. “We have had thermometers for many years. People have come to consider them a household necessity.” • ‘ Zero ? Zero ? Who was Zero ?’ ’ asked the weaver, reading the word behind the glass. The thermometer man explained, and the weaver, after trying to get his thumbnail under the glass, asked: “Where does the blamed thing open?”- ‘ ‘ Thermometers are not made to open, my friend,” was the reply. “ Well, I don’t want no thermometer around me that won’t open!” growled the weaver. “ I thought it was anew kind ot stove-handle when you came in, or I shouldn’t have looked at it.” The thermometer man next tried a dwelling-house. In answer to his ring the door was instantly and swiftly opened by a red-faced woman, who hit him with a club and cried out: “ I’ll learn you, you young villain!” She apologized and explained that several bad boys had been ringing the doorbell, and he forgave her and said: “ I have some accurate and handsome thermometers here. Would you -” “ We never haVe hash for breakfast,” she interrupted. “My husband detests hash, and so 1 don’t want to buy.” ‘ ‘ Hash! A thermometer has nothing to do with hash!” he exclaimed. “Well, I can’t help that,” she replied, slowly closing the door. “ We haven’t any lamps to mend, and you shouldn't track mud on the steps that way.” There was a portly man crossing the street, and the thermometer man beckoned to him, hailed him, and when he got near enough asked: “ Can I sell you an accurate thermometer to-day?” “A what?” “A thermometer!” “ What do I want with a thermometer,” exclaimed the portly man, raising his voice a peg. “ Why, to note the weather.” “ You blafmed idiot! Do you suppose I run the weather?” roared the fat man, growipg purple in the face. “ But you want to know when it’s hot or cold, don’t yotf?” . ‘ 1 Am I such an old fool that I don’t know when it’s summer and when it’s winter ?” shrieked the fat man. “We all know, of course,’’ replied the stranger, “ but every respectable family has a thermometer nowadays.” “ They have, eh! 1 never had one, not I wouldn’t have one, and do you dare tell me that lain’t respectable?” screamed old portly. “ I didn’t mean ” “Yes you did, and you’ve made me miss the car, and I’ll cane you!” The thermometer man waded across the muddy street and made his escape, and at dusk last night was backed up against the soldiers’ monument, his basket between his feet, and w r as squinting sadly at the clock on the City-Hall tower.— Detroit Free Press.

—“Matron” writes to the Cincinnati Gazette: " I hope that a few facts of which I am cognizant may be of avail in inducing our retail merchants to be more considerate of the votfng women who are in their employ. Not long ago a lady shopping in one of our dry-goods stores inquired' at one of the counters for Miss of the others. ‘ Hush! he will hear you!’ pointing to the shop walker, and then leaning over the counter she said in low tones: ‘ Miss is lying on the floor at our feet. She dare not Complain of fatigue and weakness lest she should be dismissed, she is so utterly exhausted that she cannot stand.’ This speaks for itself. It is known, moreover, that female clerks will, in some instances, declare that articles inquired for are not in the store because, and only because, one additional step is suffering and distress to, them. From the bottom of my heart, and in common with many others, I hope that so sjmple and humane a concession as that cd allowing these women to sit, when not actually employed in waiting upon customers, may at once be made by our merchants, who only need, I am sure, to have the matter brought under their notice, in order to insure their acting upon the suggestion.”

—President Grant and Secretary Belknap have ordered Dr. Linderman, Superintendent of the Uhjted States Mint, to coin appropriate , medals of the cannon captured during t|e Mexican war for the purpose of presenting one each to the veteran soldiers of the Mexican war who may congregate at Philadelphia at the Centennial celebration, July 4,1876.