Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 December 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—Elopement in California is called the “ Pacific slope.'” —Six hundred less marriages in Boston ■this year than last! —There is a large amount of counterfeit fitlv-cent currency in circulation at Cleveland. —Why is a young lady forsaken by her lover like .a deadly weapon * Because she is a cutlass. —Florida is progressing in population and wealth, it is said, more rapidly than any of the other Southern States. —A large.j»eal has made its home in New Haven (Conn.) harbor, and amuses the sailors on the various crafts by his I wanks. —Canes or umbrellas containing swords <cc other weapons cannot be sold hereafter in Paris without a permit Horn the Chief cf Police. —ls you haven’t sent a poor widow a barrel of flour this winter you haven’t made any tally-marks in heaven.— Detroit Free Press. -- —William Alston Hayne, a son of H*vne, Webster’s antagonist, sits in the California Legislature tor Banta Barbara and Ventura. —John Green, of Carbon County, Pa., the owner of thirty acres ot land, died of starvation recently. He was found dead in his shanty. —The prayers of nations are rhythmic —have iterations and alliterations like the marriage service and burial service in our liturgies.— Emerson. —Jacob Donahouer, who committed -xiudde in Reading, Pa., lately, is said to have passed $90,000 in counterfeit money, and yet he died poor. —Kerosene is superseding pine knots fer tire-kindling in North Carolina, and the old sexton singeth gayly: “1 gather them in, 1 gather them in.” —ls you want to know how giant-pow-der wvrks just kick in the head of a small keg. The display will be all that any reasonable man could ask for.

—Halts Journal of Health says that it is ven- healthy for young men to get out of bed at six in the morning and split wood for an hour. Look out for a rush. —Quicksilver is slow, and the California papers look for the closing of several of die less productive quicksilver mines unless there is. soon a considerable rise in price. —Since the dynamite explosion abroad it is fashionable with the average man to caK his house his “ Mosel.” There’s where he gets blown up.— St. Louis RepubiMM. —This may possibly be old, but it’s undeniably good: “ Every man fancies he cando three things—farm a small property, drive a gig and write an article for a Review.” —A man named Paul recently moved Issie house from Council Bluffs to Omaha try»taking it apart and loading it upon ■wagons. He will take several building Mots ever next time. —The Mellonville (Fla.) Advertiser states ihat the Norway rat, unknown in that five years ago, has multiplied prodigiously that it has been found i accessary to import ferrets for their extirpation. —An Alabama Grange has appointed a Committee of Review, the duty of which is to visit the farms of the members monthIj and make a report before the Grange as

to their condition, improvement and general management. —Two sisters imßrownsville, Ala. —one married and the othea single, but engaged—had a dispute, the other day, upon the personal beauty of husband and lover, when one gouged outHhe other's eye witli a pair of stove-tongs. —Ninety mechanics and artisatfs, with their families, have emigrated from Pennsylvania and settled on Hood River, Oregon, and over 300 will follow in the spring. They intend building a college, woolen-mill, grist-hiill, etc. —A juvenile criminal, sentenced a'few days ago to five years’ penal servitude at London, cried liecause the Judge would not send him to sea, and as be left the dock exclaimed: “I hope you will send me to sea next time, my Lord.” —A bill in the Legislature of West Virginia authorizing towns throughout the State to establish chain-gangs is pending, witli a prospect of its passage. The Wheeling Standard thinks the chain-gang is a degrading and barbarous institution. .(—The Woman'i Journal, in an article An “Masculine Physique,” warns every wqfftan in search of a husband not to bestow a glance on the “ leap” man, but to “shun him as she would a pestilence.” Comforting teaching this to lean men. —“ The excuse of the third man,” said Mr. Moody, illustrating the parable of the guests who were backward in coming forward, “ was more absurd than any: ‘ I have married a wife, and, therefore, 1 cannot come.’ Now, why didn't he take his wife along with him?” —One of tire fashion authorities has decreed that short men shall not wear l ister coats, and that tall men who wear Ulsters shall not wear high hats. Tall women in Derby hats look like dressed-up ten-pins, and little women in flare up bonnets look overwhelmingly top-heavy. —“Mr. Busbee says you needn’t send the paper to him any more,” said a little urchin who stuck his head into the sanctum. “All right.” “ An’he said to tell you he wouldn’t a stopped it only you didn’.t say nothin’ about the big hog he killed last week,” continued the youth; and then he sliddown the banister into the street.— Fulton (.V. Y.) Timet. —A wealthy family of New Haven, Conn., recently broke up housekeeping and disposed of the greater part of their personal property at auction. sAmong the articles so sold was a $1,500 India shawl, which had by mistake been included in the lot. This was bought by a washerwoman for a few dollars, its real value being unknown to her or the auctioneer. The present whereabouts of that washerwoman is being anxiously inquired after.

—Journalistic enterprise is not appreciated in Germany. An accomplished writer, after .fitting himself for the work by considerable sojourn in the United States, established a correspondence bureau to furnish the leading German journals with information concerning American subjects wherein their readers would be interested. Just three papers, one at Berlin, one at Breslau, and one at Strasbourg, accepted the correspondence, for which the charge was about one dollar a week. —Chauncey Filley, of St. Louis, several years ago found himself seriously involved by indorsements for a mining enterprise, and owing in the aggregate $990,000. At first he thought he would go through the bankrupt court, but finally thought better of it aud concluded to pay up. He called his creditors together, paid them $500,000, secured a liberal extension for the remainder and went to work. Quite recently, the Troy Timet says, he has wiped out the entire debt, and stands a free man once more. The result shows what indomitable energy, pluck and perseverance can accomplish when employed in the right direction. —We have often read of terrible encounters, but never witnessed as terrible a scene as that which occurred at the head of Main street last night. A father and son, farmers, living some five miles west of the city, were on their way home in their wagon. The son was drunk and the father was not as sober as he might have been. The father wanted the son to get out of the wagon, which the son refused to do. He grabbed him byjheear and jerked him over the wagon-box. The young man fell to the ground, but ’ the father held his son’s ear in his hand. The night was bitter cold; the blood froze on the son’s fade. Enraged and crazy with liquor, the son clinched the father and in the conflict just literally •.chawed’ his nose off. Covered with blood, father against son were fighting a deadly struggle, when strangers interfered and parted them. Both of them refused to be taken care of, and got into their wagon and drove away.—A Tebraska Press.