Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 December 1875 — variety and humor. [ARTICLE]

variety and humor.

of ice been manufactured at Austin, Tex. —White people, it js proved, can labor in the fields of Louisiana, where-formerly the climate waaconsideaedan insurmountable barrieir. —Von Bidow thinka.it was a revelation in journalism that when he played In Boston a Rost on paper should the morning gfre a criudism. —A New Orleans merchant went to , La., tn collect a debt, and failing to get the cash he rolled tlie debtor in the mud, broke his nose and gave him a receipjHn tfull.| ? \ , —A iijhn put his witch under his pillow Abe qUiet nijht, Un' Couldn't keep it there Ig'cause it disturbed his slpep. And tlierc ail the time was his bed-ticking right underneath him, and he never thought ot that at all.— Detract Mee Press. , ,-AWW Paper says lhat/orty of the ' jWng Judges at Harvard Callage recently UsfrpWWoMie day, and that they arc being pursued .with guns. The people over the witer try to be friendly, but they do mix up things in a wonderful manner. —“ Wail, I’lidiyorcc you this time,but another decree shall you haw rroto th:s court tffl you are eighteen,” MQtJni Judge at Sioux City, ns he granted a divorce to a petitioner of sixteen, and awarded her the custody of the child. —Caraare being fault South like refrigerators. They are to be used in the conveyance of tropical fruits next summdr iVbm Florida to Chicago via Nashville. They will beMittaehed to passenger trains aiifi b ill be siflit through Within threedays' lime. —Weston has beaten O’Leary—that is, lie would hare beaten O’Leary if O’lxiiry hadn't gone so far out of his way to beat him; After ail, ft is best that he didn't spoil a glorious record by succeeding in what he undertook to do Chicago InierOcean. -4-A ha rsq owned by a Dartmouth man was fright cried to death by the Cars at New Bedford, Mass., the other day. Hi& owner, knowing him to be afraid of the ears, was holding him while a train was passing, and he suddenly dropped and riev er moved again. •* —They were talking of a death yesterday. when one man asked: “ What were his last words?” " Hc'didn’t say anything.” was the reply. “ That’s just like hlul.” safdflje first man, with an approving nod. "There was fio gas about him; he was all Danbury Netos. ■ —it jdoesu’t dp for a fastidious man to marry ofie of those, too gushing dreatures who arc utterly untainted by the conventionalities oi society. A ( ie.veland man recently jfcousulted a divorce lawyer‘"beeauso hiswife ran into a rooml’ull of company with a turkey-bone in her mouth. —A rather charming-looking young lady visited the office of the Chief of Police at Toledo, Ohio, .recently with a com plaint against a young man who, because -he would not quarry him, had sought revtuge- by meeting her on the street and ruining ft line dress by throwing acid upon it. ” f —Delf Norris, 'of Darby Township, Delaware County, Pa., |>ointed a gun at Charles I’rice, a colored lad, a few days ago, surprising the fire-arm to be unloaded. The gun went off, tearing the

entire lower part of Price’s face away and scattering Tils teeth and jaws over the •pom. ■■■£ T*he quantity St Juiiibcr’used for the construction of peach-boxes this year at Salisbury, Md., amounted to 2,000,000 feet, but the quantity of lumber used for the coffins of little boys who ate of the ijßiit can be determmed only by -Vbdnveijttori of undertakers. — St. Louis maiden lady tip in Johns* • town, N. Y., who was disappointed in love several years ago, then pledged herself never to cul her toe-nails again. Love, you know, produces strange results, Her toe-nails are now so long that she cannot wear shoes, so she remains seclUded and goes barefooted. —The Shelbyville (Ky.) Republican says that, the worst case of selfishness that it has been permitted to present to the public emanated from a youth who complained because his mother put a bigger mustard-plaster on his younger brother than she did on him, alter they had been eating melons and hard apples. —A new dodge has been played on some ■of the farmers'in this ootnity. Thieves would go into the corn-field at night, turn the shock upsidp down and steal" off the ears from the inside of the shock, and then stand it up again. The trick was •discovered when the porn was taken in for husking.— Sgracute (N. Y.) Journal. —Gov. Thayer, of Wyoming Territory, in his annual message directs attention to the fact that! within six months, along the lin*M>f the Pacific Railroad, not less than 3,000 elk have been slaughtered for the hides alone, the flesh being thrown away, and he recommends the enactment of laws imposing severe penalties for such a wholesale massacre of game. —ln a small piece of woods near the Five Milg House, in Cumri Township, Berks County, Pa., where the blackbirds flocked together in great numbers to roost, not less than 500 of their number were killed during a recent storm at night by the trees lashing against each other. 'The ground was literally covered with birds the next morning. —A man in Digby, Nova Scotia, left his cow In the barn all night recently, but when hfe went around inffhe morning she had disappeared. A search revealed her in the hay-loft overhead, whither she had climlied by a halt-ladder and half-stair arrangement. A hole had to be cut in the floor and a tackle rigged in order to get Mme. Cow down to her proper level a g“ in - sfc ~ —ln a Baker street car yesterday some men were talking about tire nerve of William Tell in shooting an apple off his son’s -head. To vex an oW lady who was listening one of the men said: “ That was Mr- Tell; but what did his wife amount to—why doesn’t history mention her?” “I’ll bes a hundred dollars!”, called the old lady in an excited voice— I’ll bet a hundred dollars that she sat up half the night before patching that boy’s trousers so he'd look decent to go out!”— Jfan>ii Pree Preet. —Horace Twpjs was one of the readiest and most amusing talkers in the world, and when he began to make his way in London society, which he eventually did very successfully, ill-natured persons con.sidered his first step in the right direction ■tfl have been a repartee made in the crushroom of the opera, while standing close to Lady L , who was waiting for her carriage. A num he was with saying: “ Look at that fat Lady L isn’t she like a great white cabbage ?” “ Yes,’ ’ answered Horace, in a discreetly loud tone, “ she is like one, all heart, I believe.” The white heprt cabbage turned affably to the rifling barrister, begged him to see her to

<bfer carriage, and gave him the entree of H house. IjorQ Clarendon subsequently put him iu Parliament fori his .borough of Wootton.Basset, and for a short time he formed part of the Ministry, holding one of the under-Secretaryships. He was clever, amiable, and good-tem-pered, and had every qualification for success in society.—Jfr«. Kemble, in the Atlantic for December. • •