Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 9, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 November 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—Thieves are sometimes inclined to doubt that a thing of booty is a Joy forever. —Apples can be bought in some portions of Pennsylvania for fifteen cents a bushel. —A fishhawk's motto—“ I fights mit sea-gull."— New York Commercial Adver—The great defect of the English people is mental indolence, says Mr. Gladstone. —What are the boys waiting most patiently for now* Don’t you see* Ice. See? —A distinction with a difference—a suspension of sentence and a sentence of suspension. —lt’s no consolation to a defeated candidate to know that he came “pretty near" being elected. -—ls the hog-cholera makes pork worth fifty cents per pound, all high-toned people will eat pork. —Pure Havana cigars will be scarcer this year, owing to a failure in the Massachusetts tobacco crop. —The Rochester Democrat says the fewpersons who do not know that kerosene is explosive are rapidly dying off. —When a man to whom you lend money says he will be indebted to you forever you might as well believe him. —One of those unexplainable foibles of feminine nature consists in the fact that the finer carriage a woman has, the more she prefers to walk. —Pennsylvania has 128 towns that end in “ burg.” This shows what people can Accomplish when they brace thgir nerves and set about a thing. —A crusty old bachelor explains that the reason a woman puts her finger in her mouth when she thinks is because she cannot talk and think at the same time. —Wedding tours are becoming unfashionable. The proper and sensible thing is to settle down and live like folks, without indulging in any needless nonsense. —Mrs. Eunice Ilanney, of Shelburne Falls, Mass., aged eighty-four, felt a prrafe, ing in the back of her hand and pufted out a needle. She can’t remember«to have swallowed it —Once at least in every husband’s life comes a dark, rainy night, when his wife suddenly remembers, as he is getting his first nap, that she has “ forgotten to bring —in the clothes." —“ Who is this Herr Zegovina, anyway ?” said a young lady the other evening at a mixed party; “is he the newtenor that came out with Tietjens, or is he -in the Salvini line?” —The Kansas Supreme Court recently held that the stealing of a dog was larceny, and to charge a person with stealing a dog the party was liable for action of slander if it was not true. —Kansas has thousands of bushels of potatoes w hich will not be dug on account of their cheapness. In the East there are thousands of people who will suffer during the w inter for want of sufficient food. —A San Francisco paper mourns because that city, with one of the finest harbors in Ute world, on which the afternoon breezes are always strong and steady, does not boast of a single yacht club.

—The Atlanta (Ga.) Herald mentions the nearest approach to purgatory yet discovered on earth. It was a sleeping-car in which there were thirteen babies,, while in the ladies’ car were eleven more of the howling cherubs. —A New Haven lady recently went abroad in order to take charge of the remains of her husband Who had died there. She is expected back soon and, being a woman of thrift, brings both a live and a dead husband with her. —Two young men in Crawford County, Pa., are serving out ten months' terms in the Work-House forstealingchickens. They attended a political meeting, noticed what tanners were in attendance and made a tour of the hen-roosts of these parties. —A novel libel suit was tried recently •at Bowling Green, Ky., the complainant. Ollie Hayes, being but twelve years of age. The defendant had circulated a report charging the girl with stealing an artificial flower, and the jury awarded Ollie SSOO damages. —lt is always easy to hear bad news of St. Louis via Chicago, and this time it is about the big bridge over the Mississippi. The bridge and tunnel capital was $15,000.000 —$4,000,000 in stock, which has now disappeared, <3 and $11,000,000 in bonds. The receipts of the bridge are only $1,300 a day, which is not sufficient to pay the interest and expenses by about $1,700. ; .. -

—They had a snow-storm with their voting among the Northern Berkshire Hills, in Massachusetts, on the 2d of November, when the ground was covered ten or twelve inches on a level. At one place, a few miles from Adams, the county road was so blocked that teams had to turn out into the lots and 'lection night the messenger who promised to collect the returns from Clarksburg and Florida -could not cross the mountain to the latter -town on account of the wind and snow. —Some thirteen sandstone basins were recently discovered near Flemingsburg, Ky., under a ledge, where they are supposed to have remained since the stoneage. They were arranged in a mathematical circle, at a distance of about sevfeet from each other. On an average they were about six feet in diameter and eight to ten inches deep, mounted with conical, nicely-fitting covers, which bore evidence of having been sealed. It is thoaght that they were WTfoF some sacrificial rite.

—A. few days ago a man named Marcus H. Nelson came to Dr. Armsbv’s of fice in Albany, N. Y , and rented to have a finger which had ulcerated taken -off. It was pronounced a case of gangrene and he was sent to the hospital for •treatment. At the regular hospital clinic 'which occurred a few days after, he was brought before the class and insisted upon the amputation then and there. A small quantity of ether and chloroform was given him, and after three minutes, as the surgeon was about to perform the operation, it was discovered that he was dead. —At Junius, N. Y., recently, a farmer named Theodore Bodine met' a terrible death. He was feeding a threshing-ma-chine with loose oats. In some manner a coil of fencg-wire had become mixed with the oats andAcas thrown into the machine, unseen, by the farmer. One end of the the wire instantly fastened around the cylinder of the thresher, and the other end caught around Mr. Bodine’s neck and drew him up to the machine. The aperture being too small to permit of the entire body passing in, the head was literally torn from it and passed through. It was not until the bloody head came out at the other end that the fate of the farmer was discovered- The men who were attending

to that part of the machine stopped the horses and, going back, found the headlews trunk of Mr. Bodine lying upon the barn floor.