Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 November 1875 — Page 7

BREVITIES.

Young women are advised to set good examples, because young men are always following them. There is danger that the spelling disorder will break out all over the land with the return of cold weather. Annie Grubb is the daughter of a farmer, and when she is at the churn she is thft Grubb that makes the butter fly. ’ The Boston Qlobt wants to teach politi cal economy in the common schools and - throw out quadratic equations and Cicero. Rfjected Lover— But couldn’t you learn to love me? Young lady—l might if—if I never saw you again.— New York Herald. In Europe corn-cobs steeped in hot water containing 2 per cent, of saltpeter are used as fire-lighters, retailing at three and four dollars a thousand. Boy —Can I ride, sir? Candidate —Got a quarter in your pocket ? Boy—No, but pap’s got a vote in his’n. Candidate — Bounce in, sonny, bounce in. “ Talk about the extravagance in dress of women!” cries Martha Jane, exultingly. “ What do you say to Tweed’s * sixmillion suit,’ I’S like to know?” Doctors say that opium-eating is on the increase in the United States, and it is predicted that there will be three fools for every mile-post in another twenty years. The grasshopper, as a hopper, is used up. He got through September pretty well, but October flopped him on his back, and the sad winds moaned the echo of his dying wails. There’s a man for you! The editor of the Providence Press says that “ cough” shall be spelled “koff” as long as he runs that paper. Now let him go for the word “ dough.” A Paris correspondent asserts that in France M. Thiers is decidedly gaining influence, and any grave event occurring suddenly in France or in Europe would almost infallibly decide his recall to power. An impecunious chap says there is one. great advantage ip always being poor’: “You are not likfiy to commit suicide 4 while laboring under temporary aberration of mind superinduced by financial reverses.’ ” The Danbury News says: “We never can tell exactly where we lose our umbrellas. It is singular how gently an umbrella unclasps itself from the tendrils of our mind ana floats out into the fllmy distance of nothingness.” A little five-year-old Wisconsin boy was heard saying to his little brother: “ I know what Amen means. It means 1 You mustn’t touch it;’ mamma told me so.” Which was his childish, but literal, interpretation of “ So let it be.”— Advance. The Reading (Pa.) Eagle says that in a car on one or the Eastern railroads a woman took the cup from the water-cooler and used it to so|Jc her corns. This little story is refreshing for those who find themselves traveling without any drinking-cup of their own. An English lady and her son died a few r days ago at Heidelberg, poisoned by eating mushrooms. The gentleman and a younger brother gathered them in the woods, and, on returning to their board-ing-house, ordered them to be cooked for their supper, against the advice of the landlady. The horned frog would be a good companion for “ Old Prob.” At least twentyfour hours before the approach of a storm —especially from the north—the little fellow seeks a safe hiding place, and becomes as torpid as in mid-winter. After the storm has passed he sets to catching the insects whose wings are useless from the wetting. —Springfield (Mass.) Republican.

Our Schoolmaster.

There have been a good many complaints recently about the inefficiency of the teacher of our public school, Mr. Weaver. And last week the Board of Supervisors, having collected some facts in reference to his method of instruction, summoned him before them, and Maj. Long, the President, examined Weaver in reference to the matter. He said: “ Mr.- Weaver, the Board is not satisfied entirely with your way of imparting instruction to the youthful mind, and we called you before us to-day to ascertain what the general drift of your purpose was on certain occasions that have come under our notice, when you have been giving the boys what you seem to have considered useful information upon a variety of topics. For instance, Mr. Weaver, in teaching the history class, we feel compelled to take exception to your views "When you assert that Benjamin Franklin was shot at the battle of Agincourt and that Nebuchadnezzar was King of Italy and played the fiddle while Quebec was burning. You may possibly have later information upon those topics than has reached the rest of us, but the community is prejudiced against these views and they make you unpopular.” “Idon’t recollect saying that,” said Weaver ? “but just as likely as not I may have said Agincourt instead of Waterloo and got Nebuchadnezzar mixed up with William the Conqueror. I was sick that day and my mind didn’t work right, somehow.” “ And besides, Mr. Weaver, we feel as if we ought to direct your attention to the fact that you were wrong when you instructed the class in grammar that Martin Van Buren is an adverb, and that the word ‘ hungry’ is a personal pronoun. These mistakes are serious enough, but when you flogged a scholar because he insisted that ‘bucolic’ was not an intransitive preposition and that it did not represent a species of stomach-ache, it seems to the Board that you went a little too far.” “It wasn’t for that I licked him, ” said Mr. Weaver. “It was because he put a pin in my chair. I was only in fun about those things. I knew well enough Martin Van Buren was an adjective.” “ Well, sir, that may or may not be a satisfactory explanation. But the Board would like you to explain why it in going over the Scripture lesson you instructed that Petrarch was one of the twelve apostles, and that he used to fish with an artificial fly; and we should also be glad to know your authority for the statement that Garibaldi was a Saracen who fought against the Crusaders, and that he received his naihe from the fact that he was bald-headed? You see the parents of the children complain about this kind of thing. They don’t like it. They say it poisons the mind of the little ones, and it makes parents mad.” “I’m soriy,” replied Weaver v “but I hold those views conscientiously, and I’m going to stick to them.” “ But, Mr. Weaver, such a theory will hardly avail to explain why you asserted to the class in arithmetic that vulgar fractions- were so called because only blacks uards use them; and why you made Mr. loyle’s boy go downfoot for saying that there were only two halves to an apple. The community is indignant at these

things, Bir, and when they learn that you taught those little innocentß to spell 4 dog' d-a-w-g I am seriously afraid that public sentiment will be strongly in favor ot having recourse to violent measures. Now you certainly know there is no respectable authority for spelling the name of that useful animal d-a-w-g. It is preposterous. It' shows a want of a proper sense of the fitness of things, now don’t it?” *• . “ Well, may be it does. But I’ll, tell you. Every body spells dog the other way, d-a-u-g, and it struck me that it’d be a good idea for my scholars to start out on a fresh, original basis; to get up something new, and startling, and refreshing, in the dog line, and so I threw d-a-w-g out as a kind of an idea —a mere suggestion, you understand, without intending to insist on it But I don’t mind coming down on that. I’ll give it to them the old way if you insist on it.” “ Very well. But while we’ are going over the matter permit me to urge that you could have had no respectable authority for telling the school that Omaha is the capital of Mexico, and that the Revolutionary war began in 1812; and still less is there any warrant for your assertion to the pupils in history that the middle name of Gen. Washington was McGrath — George McGrath Washington. This sort of education of the infant mind attracts attention and excites remark. It brings ridicule upon the sacred name of the Father of his Country, and leads the children astray respecting the geographical location or Omaha. It is wrong, sir—all wrong; and the Board can’t put up with it.” “ Well, the way I came to do that, I s’pose,” said Weaver, “ was that I used to know a man named George Washington McGrath, and I must have confused him with the other one. And as for Omaha, I’ll bet you it is in Mexico, or Siam, or Siberia, or some of them places; now ain’t it?” “The Board, Mr. Weaver, do not think it worth while to pursue this subject further ; but while we are here I may as well mention that in that poem which you wrote as an example for the class in English composition we find rather too much lovity for such a serious matter as the education of children. It is not solely that you make ‘Mazeppa’ rhyme with ‘pepper’ nor that you cause ‘frolic’ to rhyme with ‘ colic’ and ‘ bowels’ with ‘vowels,’ but when you bring in ‘heifer’ as a rhyme for ‘zephyr’ the Board feels that you have probably gone a little too far and that your usefulness as a guide and instructor of youth is perhaps ended. We think, Mr. Weaver, that we had better ask you to resign. And if you will permit me I would offer in a friendly spirit the suggestion that if you can procure permanent employment somewhere in a whitewashing establishment or as an operator upon a saw-horse perhaps your intellectual gifts may find a higher and more cordial appreciation.” They are looking for a new pedagogue now who is sounder on the commonly-re-ceived theories about things.—“J lax Adeler," in N. Y. Weekly.

Remarkable Exploit on a Velocipede.

The most extraordinary feat of traveling, without the aid of steam or horse power, ever performed in this country (at least of which we have any record) was accomplished last Thursday, between this place and London, Madison County, by Mr. James M. Mascn, a young Irish gentleman who returned a few weeks ago from a visit to Europe, and brought with him an improved bicycle, or two-wheeled velocipede, of London manufacture, and it was upon this machine that he performed the extraordinary feat above referred to. Leaving this place at precisely six o’clock Thursday morning, he rode to London and returned to a point about seven miles north of Hillsboro, a distance of ninety-nine miles, in exactly eleven hours and forty minutes—being at the rate of a fraction less than eight and a half miles an hour —including a stoppage of thirty minutes in London and one of twenty minutes at Washington on his return. Besides these Stoppages he lost nearly half an hour between Washington and London on the up trip, by getting on the wrong road and being obliged to turn back, ana fully an hour more by having to travel on a freshly-graveled road be tween Washington and London, which greatly impeded his progress and increased the labor of propelling the bicycle. Deducting these losses, and fifteen minutes allowed him for unavoidable detention from other causes, amounting to two hours and thirty-five minutes lost time, and Mr. Mason’s actual running time for ninetynine miles was only nine hours and five minutes, or nearly eleven miles an hour! We venture to say that the fleetest horse could not have performed the same distance in the same time without causing his death or ln’-vring him beyond recovery. ' - We omitted to mention that in addition to the other causes of detention on the trip Mr. Mason was thrown from his bicycle between Washington and Loudon, spraining one of his legs so that he is still lame, lie remounted, however, and rode on as if nothing had happened. Mr. Mason is not a professional, but merely an amateur, and performed the feat more for amusement tfian anything qlse. The distance from here to London is fifty-three miles, making the round trip 106 miles, and this he undertook to run in twelve hours on a wager of SIOO. He failed to accomplish the undertaking, owing to the time lost, as stated, but is confident that he would have accomplished it easily if he had not been unexpectedly detained. We understand that a purse of SIOO is being made up by some of our young men to be presented to Mr. Mason if he should succeed in performing the feat on a second trial, which he has agreed to make as soon as he recovers entirely from the lameness caused by being thrown from his bicycle. —Highland ( Ohio) tftui.

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—We have heard of a very distressing accident occurring in Jackson County, W. Va. It was at V “ heuse-raising.” Asjis customary on such occasions chickens had been killed by Chopping off their heads. Two little sons of the owner of the house to be raised saw the chickens thus guillotined, and during the day concluded to repeat the operation. It was just at a time when the men were lifting a heavy log into its place. The father, who was holding one end of the log,'casting his eyes toward the little fellows, one of whom had the ax raised to sever the neck of his brother, let go of the log to save the boy, and it fell, killing six men, two instantly, the others living only a few hours. The ax fell before the father could reach the scene, severing the neck of the son. Thus were seven persons suddenly hurled into eternity. —Middleport {Ohio) Newt. About midnight on a recent evening a well-dressed man went on board the Hoboken ferry-boat Ramsey, when she was lying at her slip in New York, and passed through to the bow. There he spoke to a passenger whq was standing near the guard-rail smoking, and said: “ I guess the river is pretty cold to-night.” “ I guess so, too,” the passenger replied, and the man replied: “ Well, I’ll know all about it in a minute or two.” The next moment he had mounted the guard-rail and jumped into the water. The passenger caught hold of his coattail, but the strain was too great for him, and he was obliged to let go. The man did not appear on the surface again, and all efforts to recover his body provbd unavailing. It is supposed that he loaded himself with weights so that he would sink immediately. His hat did not appear, and must have been fastened to his head so as to prevent any possible chance of identification,

We learn that Mr. Hardy, of Hardyville, Arizona, was at the southern outlet of the Tehachepa Valley on Thursday with a band of 2,000 graded and thoroughbred Angoras, which he had purchased in this State. The flock had been bought by Mr. Hardy for the purpose of stocking his ranche kt Hardyville. As the flock emerged from the ITehachepa Valley and entered the outskirts of the Mohave Desert, in the vicinityof Caliente, the animals took to the milk-weed, which grows there in abundance, with avidity. Up to within three or four days ago about 500 of the flock had succumbed to the deadly influence of the poison which the weed contains. The carcasses were scattered all over the plain, and the atmosphere was tainted for miles around by the stench which arose from them. There were some hopes that the remainder would survive.—San Francisco Bulletin.

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nMi STOVE POLISH

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" The Best Thing in the West.” ATCHISON, TOPEKA & SANTA FE R. R. 3,000,000 AORJE3S Of the best Farming and Agricultural Lands In America, situated In and near the beautiful Cottonwood and Upper Arkansas Valley*, the garden of the West, on 11 Years* Credit, with 7 per cent. Interest, and 20 per cent. Discount for Improvements. JPABB RBII’TJWDSID To Purchasers of Land. tW*Clrcnlars, with Map, giving full Information, Bent free. Address A. »,JOHNSAUV, Acting Land Commissioner , Topeka. Kansas.

‘COMMERCIAL’ HOTEL., Cor. of Lake snd Dearborn Sta., The Largest and Finest Hotel of Its class In America. DEDUCED - RATES! TO SUIT THE TIMES: $2.00 Per Day to $2,50 According to location of room*. 200 Booms, with Board, at $2.00 150 “ “ “ “ 2.50 PULLING * INGRAHAM.

Burnett’s Cocoaine Prevents the Hair from Falling. Burnett’s Cocoaine - "" Promotes its Healthy Growth. Burnett’s Cocoaine ( Is not Greasy nor Sticky. Burnett’s Cocoaine Leaves no Disagreeable Odor. Burnett’s Oocoaine Subdues Refractory Heir. Burnett’s Cocoaine Soothes the Irritated Scalp-Skin. Burnett’s Cocoaine Affords the Riohest Lustre. Burnett’s Cocoaine Is not an Alcoholic Wash. ’ Burnett’s Cocoaine _ —*— ■ ’— KBIa Dandruff. ——— Burnett’s Cocoaine W Gives Hew Life to the Hair. Burnett’s Cocoaine T/mgs|f. In Fflfoct. _________ Prepared only by JOBEPH BURNETT & CO. 27 Central Street, Boston. And Sold Everywhere.

JUST PUBLISHED I ENGLISH SONG. 78 sorrow. Bach a true gem and undeniably popular. Among the attractive titles are: Nazareth. Ring On Sweet Angelas. Esmeralda. Little Maid of Arcadee. Weary. By the Blue Sea. Bose Marie. THE GEMS OF ENGLISH SONG la a book of 233 page*, all of fall sheet-music ilze. - Among the Authonare: Lady Scott, Campana, Lindsay, Gounod, Hatton, Hone, Topliff, Barney, Clarlbd, AbL THE GEMS OF ENGLISH SOXG will be sent, postpaid, to any address, for the Retail Price, which Is. In Boards, *2.50; In Cloth, 13.U0; GUt, *I.OO. Do Not Forget Oar Other Reteat Beaks: Poxo Monarch, 75 cents, for Singing Schools. Siiixino River, 35 cent*, for Sabbath Schools. High School Choir, *I.OO. for High School*, ete. Living Waters, 30 cento, for Praise Meetings. OUTER BITSON k CO* CHAS. I. OITSON I CO* Boeton. 711 Broadway, N. Y. NSW and BEAUTIFUL INSTRUMENT.

Piano-Harp CABINET ORGAN. ; Ad exquisite combination, adding to the capacity of the organ mnch of that of the piano-forte and harp. With a doable-reed organ, complete and perfect tn every reepect. Is combined anew Instrument the PIANOHARP, the tones of which are produced by steel tongues or bars, rigidly set In steel plates affixed to a sounding-box, and struck by hammen, as In the pianoforte. The tones are of a pure, silvery, bell-Uke quality, very beautiful In combination or alternation with the organ tones. The organ may be used alone, and Is in every respect »» complete and perfect an organ as without the PIANO-HARP.or may be used with the PIANO-HARP: the Utter mar b« used separately or in combination with any or all the stops of the organ, to which it adds greatly In vivacity, life and variety; adapting 11 to a ni uch wider range of music. Upon its Invention and Introduction, about a year since, this new instrument was received with so much favor thattfte demand greatly exceeded the manufacturers’utmost ability to supply; so that the) liaTehad no occasion to advertise it extensively. Having now perfected facilities for a large supply, they offer It to ibe public with confidence. Circulars, with drawings and full descriptions, free. MASON A HAMLIN ORGAN 00.. 154 TremoptSt.. BOSTON; >45 Union Square, NEW YORK; 80 A 8* Adam* St, Chicago. v

f TUBULAR HAND LAMPYonr best kerosene lamp will tmokm. and smudge, and go out, HsuhJeeteOtS wind or motion, and liens, is worthgwflßwifflPvS iSMiffiarsisaa. motion, and you wllfb. astounded km / tbecontrasi. Pure and pmrcrfut'Agkt; difficult to put out: no smoke: balnea and oil cool: wholly wiefaUfr ,-aosvcwftent to trim and handle. Invented by th» . „ same man who Invented the CMekrstwdl Tabular Laatera. You Rmw sohsst that Is ; this 1* equally remarkable. Find one and twit, or send for a descriptive pamphlet. Manufactured by. DKNXIM dk WmKLKB, 42 C*nal Pt.,ChU*gt*. Nor Sale kyAU Oealem

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When the Blood Rashes with rockeMlke violence to the head, causing hot flushes, vertigo and dimness of sight. It is a certain sign that a mild, salubrious, cooling and equalizing laxative Is required, and Tarrant’s Effervescent Seltzer Aperient should be at once resorted to. SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS.

Oil do through the Ague perior\hfl lT (h manee day After day, fin alt UlifliivD your vitality is ssed rap and your health permanently ruinKll TTI cd ~ ° r take a bottle of DUX 11 Kress Fever Tonic, VTrrnn 4- *9 d break up the fearful malOWB3.L ftdy at once. Cures of Ague w ”” VL* u warranted by the Kress Manufacturing Co. Cincinnati, O. "RTF* The Ague uses up the vital forces fasgf \ TIfTMT ter than any other comTV ll plaint— don’t allow it to Kress run on, but break it up in Kff Stretch contains a box of Pills Try this remedy. FREE, In each wrapper A TP* and is warranted tooure kJJIAIV M’s AGUE. This remedy is manufactured Ity Ureas Manufacturing fa >:inclnnn«l l q,

Forsyth Scales t SUSPENSION STOCK SOALK.. FAMILY SCALES, FARMERS’ SCALES, EVERYBODY’S SCALES! The Best in Use. The Best Scale Known i Miners’ Scale. Millers’ Scales. Jewelers’ Scales. VTMo Cheat) Scale Van be Reliable. CAUTlON.—Unscrupulous and Irresponsible parties are offering bogus Scales as Forsyth’s. None genuine unless made by FORSYTH SCALE WORK ft. WAUKEGAN. ILL. IWSRND ROB Catai.ogur art J. F. FORSYTH A CO., ion LAKE ST„ CHICAGO, ILL. . $25450 per Day CAN ACTUALLY BE HADE WITH THE s.ll Air. WE MEAN IT! And are prepared to demonstrate tha fact PEE HOUR. They bore from 3 to 6 FeeC in Diameter, And ANY DEPTH REQUIRED. They will bore to All Kinds of Earth, Soft HandALlme* stone, Bituminous Stone Coal, Slate and Hardpan, And we HAKE the BEST of WELLS In QUICKSAND. GOOD ACTIVE AGENTS Wanted In eVery Stata ana County In the United States. Send for our lUostrated Catalogue, terms, prices, etc., proving our advertisement bona fide. Address 6REAT WESTERN WELL AUGER CO*. Bloomfield, Davie Co., lowa.

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VANBUSKIRK’S FRAGRANT SOaODOKT

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TEETH AITD INVIGOKATKB AND HARDENS THE GUMS I It imparts a delightfully refreshing taste and feeling to the mouth, removing all TARTAR and SCURF front the teeth, completely arresting the pro* gress of decay, and whitening such, parts as have become black by decay^ IMPURE BREATH caused by Bad Teeth, Tobacco, Spirit* or Catarrh, is neutralized by the daily use o f SOZODONT It is as harmless as water.. " Bold by Druggists and Dealan in Fancy Goedas * One bottle will last six month*A.N.K. STs 534-N. THIS paper la Printed with INK mannfserired ty G. B. KANE A CO.. IXI Dearborn St., Chicago. For sale by A.K. Kaixoae, 79 Jackson St., t .hlcsgoe

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