Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 November 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—The last trump—Spades. —“ Vagabonds of the heavens” i» what M. Guillemin calls comets. —Only 210,000 bushels of cranberries this year. The war on Turkey will not beso sassy. —That menagerie rhinoceros which fell through a Florida bridge injured its owner $20,000 worth. —Never have $40,000 in bank. A Chinaman so situated died in a cel la®, the rats gnawing at him before be was cold. —A hundred and five gallons of sorghum from a quarter of an acre of sugar-cane is what they squeeze out in Kansas. —A new series of revenue frauds, by repeated use of stamps on casks of lagerbeer, is reported to have been discovered at St. Louis. —A man was fined ten dollars for trying to shoot his wife in a country town, of Massachusetts; but then it was in evidence that she wasn’t a very good wife. —A man who*is going up in a balloon, in New Haven has received a letter from some amiable husband, offering him SSOO to take the writer’s wife along and quietly drop her out. —A New Orleans property-holder wishing to sell, finds his title clouded by a judgment against another person of the same name, and he is driven to the courts to get it released. —A lady having been ordered by her physician to a warmer climate, her husband remarked that if there was a warmer, climate than he had been living in since he was married he was not aware of it. —A Chicago fire-sufferer may be occasionally encountered on the highway or the door-step, but it is evident that another year will cripple the last one so that he cannot get about.— Detroit Free Press. —A Chicago paper contrasts certain lugubrious forecastings concerning harvests with actual returns, and remarks that “ it is generally safe to discount croakers’ predictions about crops from 50 to 100 per cent.” —A Burlington (Vt.) boy being asked by his teacher, the other day, what occasioned the saltness of the sea, after reflection, advanced with some confidence the opinion that it “must be ©wing to the codfish.”

—Buy of and sell to men whom, you know personally, or who are engaged in. regular, permanent business, whenever this can be done. Other things being equa', buy and sell in the market nearest home.— Western Rural. A three-year-old child of Samuel Hanson, of Biddeford, Me., was shockingly bitten in the face by a small house dog, w’ith which she wasplaying, the other day. The cur tore out one side of the child’s mouth and bit off its tongue. —A Baltimore husband complained in the Police Court the other day that he had been swindled by his wife, abetted by a. nurse, the fraud consisting in making him believe that a baby procured from a foundling asylum was his own offspring. —A quantity of nitro-glycerine was exploded the other night under the windows of the Harvard (Mass.) College buildings,, and several hundred panes of glass-were shattered. It was a narrow escape from more serious damage. Some of the students, it is said, were the perpetrators. —A lady, who in. 1871 was in the Congress Park at Saratoga, was attacked bv. a stag there that was in a fierce state and it injured her badly. She sued the Congress and Empire Springs Company damages, and has just received a verdict for $6,500. The deer are kept loose in the park as an ornament and objects of interest.

—A. medical contemporary, lauding the system of international weather bulletins lately established by our Signal Service Bureau, goes on to. hope that a similar scheme may ere long be applied to the record of prevalent zymotic diseases, in the form of “ an international bulletin setting forth officially the movements of * waves’ of epidemic disease from their initiation to their decline, medical * signal officers’ becoming the counterpart of the weather observers.” —Recently a man named Gavan Greenway was arraigned in the Superior Court of Atlanta, Ga., for horse-stealing, and obtained a continuance by swearing that two witnesses whom he wanted to bring saw him pay S6O for the horse. A few mornings after the case was again, called, and Greenway promptly pleaded guilty, thereby perjuring himself. Judge Hopkins called the attention of the Grand Jury to the fact, which promptly indicted him for perjury, to which he also, pleaded guilty; whereupon Judge Hopkins sentenced the prisoner to ten years in the Penitentiary for horse-stealing and four for perjury. All this was done in a very few minutes.

—We have it on good authority, saya the Council Bluffs (Jowa) Globe, that near thisigity, a few days ago, a game of “ sev-en-up” was played, a little girl of five summers being the prize. The father had. played and lost everything he had and, while under the influence of liquor, proposed to put up his little girl against a certain amount of money. The proposL ! tion was at once accepted, and the game began. At the last hand the game stood, father five, opponent two. In the deal the father received the, following trumps: King, ten, seven and tray. His opponent received ace. Jack, four and deuce. The father, begged and was given one, which made him within one of going out. Confidently believing that the game was his, he threw'down the King and tray, exclaiming: “ Can you beat that for high or low?” His opponent replied that he could do both, and showed his hand and claimed high, low, Jack and the game. The claim was denied, the father hoping that he could, take the game himself. The game went an, resulting in the success of his opponent, who secured the game by 'one point. The winner still has the child and states that he intends keeping it unless the father uses the law to regain his loss. She is in good hands—much better than those of her father, whois a widower and a man of dissolute habits, although the possessor of a kindly heart when not under the influence of liquor.

Mrs. Maria Desman is licensed to drive a cab in London, in which occupation she meets with much opposition from the masculine Jehus. For impugning the speed of Mrs. Denman’s Kosinante and the lady’s skill on the box, by which means passengers were lost to her, one of the male cab-drivers was recently fined £1 7s. Gd. J. Bull protects his daughters in the pursuit of an honest livelihood, even though they encroach upon the fields long monopolized by the stern sex. - Titiens is to receive SI,OOO tn gold for every concert of the Series of 100 in which she will sing this season. This is the New York newspaper story, at all