Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 October 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—NAw the female with thin shoes maketh music on the sweet catarrh. — Cincinnati Times. —Thirty-five new counterfeits have been detected in this country within the last fortnight. —A vein of petroleum has just broken through the bluff on the bank of the river at Shelbyville, Ky. —The summer has past and gone and not a word about the Asiatic cholera, and winter is coming on and there’s no one to raise a hue and cry about a small-pox epidemic. —A flock of 100 swallows, more or less, thirsting for knowledge or hungry for book-worms, lately entered the State Library at Richmond, Va., and were with difficulty expelled. —The fashionable summer resorts now remind one of a ball-room at early morning, after all the fiddlers and the dancers have gone home and nothing remains but the dust they kicked up. —lt is given for solemn fact that a hired girl in Savannah fainted dead away because she broke a tea-cup. It may be true. It may be that she hadn’t a chance to hide the pieces.— Detroit Free Press. -. —Prof. Tice has got loose again and he says that on the 25th and 26th of December the wind will just fairly h-o-w-1. There is time enough to brace your fenceposts and get the children into the house. —A grocer on the Ohio River had to make an assignment because some villain stole eighteen pounds of sugar and a whole cheese from his stock. You can get an idea from this how sensitive capital sometimes is. —Whemyou see a Detroit girl come out of a store with a hop, skip, jump and a pleased expression, you may know that the milliner has told her thatshe can press her old summer hat over into a twentydollar winter style.— Free Press. —Each had long viewed the other as a rival, and when they met ata picnic the other day Jane took occasion to say very frankly: “Mary, Harry told me last week that he didn’t really love you?’ “ Indeed, Jane,” replied Mary, with great dignity, “and he also told me that the most you could expect if you ever married would be to make some man a comforta l bje widower.” Women are only a little lower than the angels.— Brooklyn Argus. —The manner in which William J. Sharkey, the murderer, has been disposed of reminds us of the way in which a Mississippi steamboat waiter gave a passenger his choice of table beverages. “Tay or coffee ?” was the query. “I’ll take coffee.” Waiter —having no coffee on his tray—“ Say tay, or, bejabers, I’ll scald you.” The Spanish authorities say to Sharkey: “Join the army and get shot, or we’ll shoot you anyhow,” and he joins. —World.