Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 October 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—Political trademark —$.— AT. T. Herald. —The miss-takes in matrimony continue. —Oysters—The- one epicurean luxury that never palls. —The small-pox is alarmingly prevalent in Syracuse, It. Y. —Acknowledge your faults and people will agree with you. —The best time for a light shower is during a dark night. —California has a poet named “ Gassaway,” and he does it. —A Maryland man is named Henry To bacco. and he does not smoke. —“ The only way to look at a lady’s faults,” exclaimed a super-gallant, “is*to shut your eyes.” —The Chicago bar, at the beginning of the recent vacation of the courts, could boast of over 900 lawyers. —An engineer from the Black Hills reports gold .at twenty cents a cord and bread at one dollar a crumb. —The hog crop for the year is estimated at 18,000,000 head, and it will soon be time to begin salting it down. —A sweet-potato plantation of 700 acres near Atlanta, Ga., is expected to yield 40,000 bushels of the favorite edible. —“And the spears shall be turned into pruning-liooks.” At Salt Lake cavalry swords are sold for corn-cutters. —Gambling in New York city is said to be well-nigh extinct, owing to the liability of any person entering a gambling-house to be arrested. —The lovers of oysters will be delighted to learn that ancient oystermen are" predicting tlie best season for that sort of seatruit since 1800. . —lt is well to be rich, but the Rochester Democrat remarks that, in view of the State prison and things, it is better to be so on your own money. —Virginia is jubilant over the fact that the crops of corn and tobacco are the most bountiful that have been produced in the State for a number ol years. . —“Young Man-Afraid-of-His-Horses,” singularly enough, wasn’t averse to demanding several of those awe-inspiring quadrupeds from the Government. —A stuttering veteran of Albany, N. Y., got himself into trouble the other dav by inquiring where the “ Army of the' Cucumberland” was holding its reunion. —A young lady who reached Portland, Ore., direct from Germany, recently, became homesick, and started for her mother’s home in Fatherland again in thirty hours. J

—The leather-dealers are going to have an exhibition of their own - 'at Philadelphia, and have obtained a lot 200 by 300 feet, facing main exhibition, for that purpose. —A middle-aged German lady was very much disappointed at Norwich, Conn., a few days ago, when she found she could not send the key of a trunk to a station bv telegraph. —Politeness is to a. man what beauty is to a woman. It creates an instantaneous impression in his behalf, while the opposite quality exercises as quick a prejudice against him. —Out in Nevada, if we are to believe .-newspaper statistics, the atmosphere is so light that a cord of wood left out over night will shrink to three-quarters of a • cord before morning. —John Schneider, of Detroit, a bigamist, was lately killed by a railroad train _ just as his misdoings were getting him into trouble. So they didn’t get such a -big thing on Schneider” as theyantici—ln Oregon the grades of official im- , portance are carefully preserved. When a Justice of the Peace was insulted lately he considered it beneath his dignity to punish the offender, and therefore called a Constable to avenge die slight. But when, the Constable had been thoroughly

thrashed he told the Justice that the Court might fight for himself thereafter — dignity was a very good thing, but those that had it ought to have cuough muscle to support it —Jones is engaged to a pretty and practical girl. Her .birthday is Oct. 1. This morning Jones received a note from her which said: *' Dear Jack, I feared you might send me a bouquet for a birthday present as you did last year, and I thought I'd suggest'to you that a parlor stove or a German student's lamp would he a great deal better, and either of them would keep.” Jones has bought both, and intends sending up a a peck of sweet potatoes with them.— N'fWrfe* Advertiser. —The Vicksburg Herald says: “ As an innocent-looking old man was going up Washington street yesterday a drayman nodded at him, and asked: “Want a dray, misterV ‘No —o, I guess not,' replied the old man; ‘ I’m too fur from home and can’t pay freight on it. Much obleeged, though. Vicksburg is a powerful nice town. A fellow back here asked me if I didn’t want a coat, another inquired if I wanted a hack, and now you offer me a dray! I wish I lived here.’ ”