Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 October 1875 — Page 1

HORACE E. JAMES & JOSHUA HEALEY, Proprietors.

VOL. VIII.

WHY HE SIGHED. I do not mourn, sweet wife of mine, Because those ruby lips of thine— That marble brow— Were kissed by one who might have been, Had I not chanced to step between, Thy husband now. I do not grieve because thy heart. Ere Cupid touched it with my dart, For him would beat; Nor that the hand which owns my ring Once wore his gift, a “ Mizpah” thing— It was but meet. I sigh not that his arms were placed Some score of times around your waist, So sweet and slim. Ah no, my love! the woe you see Is mine because you wedded me Instead of him. —London Fun. , • L ——: “A LITTLE WHILE THE BOSES BLOOM." A little while the roses bloom, A little while the soft winds blow, A little while the baby laughed, A little while—from bud to snow. < But after all the rose was sweet, And after all the winds have blown, And after all the baby blessed, And after all it is our own. If in our thought the rose remains, And winds are sweet in memory, Why should not then the baby gone Forever be a babe to me? —Hiram Rich , in October Atlantic.

MISAPPLIED PROVERBS.

All utterances are to be' interpreted by their evident intention. And this is as true of proverbs as of other forms of speech. Yet, of these last, there are many perversions, some noticeable only tor their drollery, others regrettable on account of their mischievous tendency. An Irishman once backed his application for help a second time by the logical plea that one good turn deserves another; aad a countrywoman who recently came to town to purchase a flitch of bacon said to' a clergyman w T ith such an air of sanctimonious drollery as to leave her auditors in doubt whether she were more in jest than earnest, “ The Bible says, ‘ Man shall not live by bread alone,’ so I thought I would come in and buy a little meat.” Were all misapplications of proverbs as harmless as these, we might pass them by with a srpile. But some are of a very grave character, become the parents of very grave-looking offspring, and sometimes demand an equally grave consideration. To most people proverbs are like coin from the mint; they bear the stamp of authority, and pass from hand to hand with scarcely a question raised as to their genuineness or their value. They are reverently received into ordinary parlance as the condensed wisdom of ages and the verdicts of lioary-headed experiences; and, when once received, they govern with an authority like that of Holy Writ. . Who has not heard and, perhaps, been misled by the oft-repeated proverb, “ Feed a cold and starve a fever,” interpreted to mean that fevers and colds are to receive opposite modes of treatment—“stuffing” and “ starving.” Whereas its author, who endeavored to crowd words of wisdom into too narrow a space, no doubt knew and supposed that everybody else would know that a cold is only a fever under a disguised form, and therefore—as in the proverb “ Marry in haste and repent at leisure”—he intended to be understood as saying, “ If you feed a cold you will have a fever to starve.” Charity covers a .multitude of sins. — Gould the several authors of this charming proverb arise from the dead and learn the interpretation which has been given it, their holy horror would probably express itself in a dramatic scene worth witnessing. Solomon, never, probably, a man of high spirituality, notwithstanding his world-famed wisdom (that is, his common 8 sense), began its history by writing, in Proverbs x., 12: “ Hatred stirreth up strifes; but love coveretli all sins." The Septaugint translators gave a free and unauthorized form to the last clause, which made it say: “ But friendship shall cover all that are not contentious.” The Apostle Peter, in quoting Solomon, rejects the Septaugint and draws upon the original Hebrew, which he interprets: “ Charity” (that is love) “ shall cover the multitude of sins”; and the Apostle James, quoting substantially in the same way, gives us the words, “shall hide a multitude of sins.” In all these cases the writers evidently intended to say, in their flowing, Oriental style, what the Greeks and Romans embodied in the pithy maxim, “Love is blind,”. As to the natpre of its misapplication, no one need be informed. The eftort to wrest the teaching of Solomon, James and Peter to support the doctrine that almsgiving to the poor'will atone for sin is so “thin” as to remind one of the turn given to the saying, “ Cleanliness is next to godliness,” by a man noted for dissolute habits and personal purity, who used to quote it as saying, “Cleanliness is godliness.” The tongue is an unruly member, untamed and untamable.— Few proverbs of caustic character hre more universally attested than this, and, strange to say, attested most readily by those who are most obnoxious to its indictments. No doubt this is the effect in some cases ot ingenious self-re-proach ; in others, probably, it is the effort to devise an excuse for language that is otherwise inexcusable. Viewed as a piece of animal mechanism the tongue is marked with wonderful flexibility and adaptedness to vocal purposes. As to its training, it is of all the members of the human body, not excepting either hand or eye, the most perfectly ruled. In producing those articulate sounds by which thought is conveyed and those modulations of voice which express the tone and spirit of that thought, it perfectly obeys every monition of the will. The tongue is, in fact; an excellent member—the best, perhaps, in this body—if only the heart be so. It is an ‘ ‘ unruly member” only by being too faithful a servant of the power that wields it. The world owes me a living. —By whom is this claiip put in ? If by one who has long and unselfishly labored for the goed of the world at large, to the neglect of private interests, as did the apostles of our Lord, and as has done many a JohnHoward and Florence Nightingale since

THE RENSSELAER UNION.

their day, and even an occasional Socrates among the heathen, the claim will he good, morally, if not legally. But such are the last persons whom we expect to urge it. They usually prefer to go on silently in their work of noble "disinterestedness, and to say—if they say anything—“ The Lord will provide.” A claim of incomparably more manliness and truth was once expressed by a horribly-maimed soldier, who said, with bright and hopeful air: “ I know that the world has some useful place for me to fill, and work for me ,to do; my business is to hunt it up.” Knowledge is power. —This proverb is in two respects like Franklin’s “Honesty is the" best policy”—first, in probably being sound by original intention, and secondly in probably being the parent of more evil than good. Franklin’s, after the reign of a century, has beeri condemned by high ethical authority, and is rapidly passing out of use, because it seems to base honesty on policy , instead of regarding it as morally obligatory, and thus lowering the standard of public morals. The proverb at the head of this paragraph has also been condemned, and is also passing out of use, because its tendency has been to lower the standard of popular education. There can be no question but thjit those peoples and generations which have excelled in knowledge have also excelled in power; but any educator of youth who should act upon the principle that education consists in cramming the mind with knowledge will have perpetrated as great an eiTor as would a body of civil engineers who should saturate the atmosphere with vapor from boiling caldrons because it is known that steam is a motor. are powers (or rather menus of power) onfy when properly used. Many a man who has been known as a walking encyclopedia has been equally noted for inability to put his knowledge to account, because the practical part of his education had been neglected. . . . Immodest words admit of no defense, For want of decency is want of sense If there be any misapplication predicable of these words it is rather in the reason given by the author than in the use made by those who quote them. In any case the last line is true; but in offenses against society no excuse on behalf of the offender is regarded as more available than to say he knew no better. Even the Apostle Paul affirmed, in a certain sense, its validity when, in speaking of his blasphemy against Christ, and his persecution of the church before he became a believer, he said: “ But I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.” The plea, however, to be urged by permission of the offender requires such a degree of humility, or rather of self-abnegation, as to be seldom heard; for, as another old proverb says: “Most people would rather be accounted knaves than fools.” Possibly Mr. Pope had this fact in mind when penning these lines; but if he had he would have been nearer the truth, and not a whit the less biting, if he had said, substantially, in his smooth verse:

Immodes t words admit but one defense: That want of decency is want of sense; and perhaps this is' what he intended. What everybody says must be true. — There are certain deep and resistless intuitions possessing the universal mind—such as belief in the existence of a God and in the immortality of the soul—which might be safely received as true, even if they had no other support than their evident adaptedness to the necessities of our being, and the fact that they impress all unbiased minds alike, thus beautifully illustrating the sententious old maxim of the Romans: Vox populi vox Dei. These intuitions are always strongly marked with the peculiarity that, although they may not need the support of argument, they are not opposed to reason. There are cases, however, in which the vox populi has been in direct opposition to die vox Dei, as afterward revealed by reason, though none of these cases are of a moral nature, nor is their accompanying perception worthy the name of intuition. A few generations back, under the guidance of another old proverb that seeing is believing, “ everybody said” that the world was flat, and that it was a sort of immovable center around which daily revolved the sun, moon and stars. But when this “voice of the people” came to be tested by facts, which reason proclaimed to be utterances of God in nature, it vvas found to be utterly false, being an illusion of the senses; the earth is not flat, nor do any of the heavenly bodies daily rotate around it. Then, again, that mysterious and allprevailing authority known as “everybody” is proved in many cases to be a mere myth, being composed oftentimes of one’s own party in politics or clique in society, while their maxims are contradicted by people of other parties and of other cliques.— F. R. Ooulding, in Appletons' Journal.

—Kite-flying has been quite an epidemic of late at Soutlibridge, Mass. Not long since the boys in the “ spec-shop” raised a monster fourteen feet long, which required several men to manage. A man of large proportions and heavy weight ottered to bet “ that he could hold him.” The bet was quickly taken, and the tobconfident individual tied the cord around his waist and grasped it with his hands; but no sooner had he said “ Letgo” than he went over walls and gardens, and was glad enough, after yelling like mad, to be rescued from his perilous position. —There is a man in Boston, and he is Prof. Wise. This same Wise man has arranged to leave this world next winter by agreeing to lecture, and “on the same or next day make an ascension on private grounds, to which only the ticket-holders will be admitted. When one mile above the earth he will perform his daring and perilous exploit of exploding his balloon—a feat that has been done twice only since balloons were invented,” —At the banquet of the veterans of the Mexican war, in Ban Francisco, one of Jhe speakers said that Gen. Taylor did not say, “A little more grape, Capt. Bragg,” but “ Capt. Bragg, it is better to lose a battery than a battle.” This was in reply when Gen. Bragg dashed hurriedly up, saluted the General, and reported: £ General, I shall have to fall back with my battery or lose it."

RENSSELAER, JASPER COUNTY, INDIANA, OCTOBER 14. 1875. * tl '

Amateur Engineering.

An effect of the widening use of steam machinery is that it tends to raise up a multitude of men who—trusting rather to that familiarity that breeds contempt than to the practical knowledge of the na--1 ture and properties of steam which every trustworthy engineer must have —are ever willing, if not eager, to step into the engineer’s berth. They have seen an enginerun.dayinanddayout. Perhaps they have occasionally helped to run one. At any rate, they have worked about an engine a good deal; and as the engineer does not impress them as a man of remarkable ability they do not see why anybody cannot do as well as he. At least they are confident that they can, and, in case of emergency, are willing to put their knowledge (or their lack of it) to a test. When the emergency arises employers are too apt to give such amateur engineers a chance to try their hand; The actual engineer is called off suddenly, is sick, or otherwise kept from his post. Somebody must take his place or everybody must stop work. What shall be done? Dick is handy. Not a regular engineer, to be sure, still a bright fellow who knows an engine well enough to keep it running if all goes right; and the particular engine, the engineer says, is in such good condition that it will almost run itself. So Dick is called in and the gap is filled. Sometimes the engineer is away longer thaq was anticipated; sometimes he never comes back. Dick has done well so far; he has gained some experience in caring for the engine, and if he is willing and modest in his charges—of course he won’t expect a full-fledged engineer’s pay at first—his sudden promotion's likely to be a permanent one. He may turn out equal to every emergency; then, again, he mty not. It is not long since a case of this kind resulted, in our harbor, in the blowing-up of a crowded ferry-boat. There was a terrible list of killed and wounded; and Dick (an illiterate negro) was returned to his proper place as deck-hand or fireman. It Was criminal in the first place to let him step out of it. But a few weeks since an English man--ufactory was blown up, killing several workmen. The regular engineer was absent, sick; and the substitute, who succeeded in making such a mess with things, was one of the workmefct, promoted for the occasion on the strength of his pretended ability to run an engine—ability gained from observation, apparently, since his engineering education was but the slightest and his practice as limited as it was disastrous.

With characteric deference to the rights of property, the Coroner’s jury in this case modestly suggested that, in future, the proprietors of the works would do well not to trust their boilers with anyone in whose capacity they had not perfect confidence! In a leading family paper we saw, the other day, a well-written story, telling “ How Tom Became an Engineer.” Tom was of the genus loafer; specific habitat, a country railway station. The heightof his ambition was to run an engine. A commonplace lad would have gone to work in a locomotive shop, or, more modestly, would have begun by shoveling coal as fireman. Not so Tom. He was to be engineer or nothing. So he loafed about the station, watching his opportunity. His time came with a smash-up on the road, a relief train called for, and no engineer at hand. Of course Tom volunteered, was accepted, and performed his task with the elan of all great geniuses. Equally of course he was thereupon made master of an engine, and speedily rose to be president of as many railways as if his name had been Tom Scott; The moral of the story is plain and very encouraging to all boys given to loafing about railway stations. It is significant, too, of a prevalent belief that the art of managing an engine comes, like Dogberry’s reading and writing—by nature. Such a belief, however covert, cannot prevail to any extent without frequent occasion for putting it into practice. With regard to the intrusting of boilers to incompetent amateurs, we have evidence for believing it far too common. The wonder is that more explosions do not occur, and the risk of serious accident from this source is likely to continue just so long as presumption and general smartness are allowed to take the place, even temporarily, of technical skill gained through patient and studious apprenticeship. IStpam is a clever giant, an obliging servant; but, like all giants, it will not stand fooling, and is obedient only when under the hand of a master.— Scientific American.

Smuggling.

The New York Herald, in an article on smuggling, says: The regular smuggling boats have disappeared since the invention of steam, but cm the other hand steam is put to the use of the smugglers, and that it is done effectively may be seen from the fact that a New T ork Custom-House official latelv estimated that during last year #300,000'000 worth of dutiable goods had been inttoduced to the United States without adding to the revenue of the Government. This and several publications.on the subject are causes of the increased surveillance lately exercised and the severity with which seizures are treated by the CustomHouse authorities here. It was recognized as a permissible indulgence up to within two years past that every one having a few dutiable articles in his or her trunk after a visit to Europe should not be molested. - But the system grew to such proportions that the thing had to be stopped by some means, and a new system was originated, and the officers had orders where anything was possibly liable to duty to make it pay. Ip many respects the Custom-House regulations of New 1 ork are equal to any others in force, even the French, w hich are supposably perfect. The same system of espionage exists here which made the French plan so much of a marvel to those who did not understand its workings —that is, on every ocean steamer and Havana packet there is some person in employ who is at the same time the devoted servant of the Custom-House. In some cases there are two and three, who

do not know each other. The stewards are usually the ones who undertake the work and do it best, as their opportunities are so much better than would be those of a sailor, for instance. It has been known, that a subordinate officer has not hesitated to increase his pay by the same means. It is simply the duty of these people to closely watch the movements of passengers, to observe anything suspicious in their movements, to overhear remarks meant for private ears only, to be taken into their confidence if possible. Why do the customs officers visit the shoes, the coat-linings, the pockets, etc., of some people, while others they leave intact? The reason has been sufficiently explained,, a _ud when they do resort to these extremities it is seldom but they find what they seek for. About a year since some $35,000 worth of uncut diamonds were found on the person of a passenger from Europe, and the seizure probably ruined him. And yet, no doubt, it was indiscretion that was cause of his misfortune. Had he kept his own counsel he would have been enabled to pass his diamonds unscathed. The informers in these cases are paid onethird of the value of the seizures thus made, and it may be well understood that one little haul like the one mentioned would set a steward up in pocket for some time.

Laces, diamonds, silks, satins, velvets and all manner of clothing are the articles most commonly smuggled from Europe. Immense quantities of laces are annually passed through without seizure. The writer knew of one case last year where two ladies succeeded in smuggling through some SIO,OOO worth of Irish laces. They were to be sold for the benefit ot a Charitable institution down South, and this made the thing justifiable in their minds, the poor getting the benefit before the Government. One of the ladies had fully $5,000 worth of these laces in a bustle. And they served the purpose exceedingly well. The method of smuggling from Havana has been resorted to now r tor many years—the throwing india-rub-ber bags into the bay, they being picked up by small boats. Nor is this plan by any means broken up; and the smugglers have actually taken the risks lately of going out in surf-boats from Long Branch to secure a few thousand cigars in these bags. A singular fraud, where the biter was bit, has come to light of late in connection with the administration of the customs on the steamship wharves. It is "well knownTfi'at‘officersAre on the watch from the time a vessel comes in until she goes out again. But of late there have been a number of swindlers who have personated Custom-House officers with much success. Their modus operandi is to wear an imitation inspector’s badge beneath their clothing, which they only show on a convenient opportunity. They lounge around the docks, watch unsuspecting passengers, and when they see a moment when no danger threatens they demand the surrender of the parcel or baggage the person carries. Outside of New York the most popular and successful place for smugglers is the neighborhood of Niagara. It is particularly in spirits and liquors that this is the case. Thousands of barrels of English, Irish and Scotch spirits are annually passed across the Niagara River in small boats, eluding the vigilance of the officers, who are on the lookout at all times and keep careful watch for these petty dealers in smuggling. Some are caught, but the many escape, the liquor in all cases being taken to Buffalo. Niagara has always been a favorite spot tor genteel smugglers. Detroit is also one of the great smuggling spots of the United States, and the ladies ot Detroit have the name of being the most accomplished smugglers in the land. They follow the calling almost from pleasure, and it lends a daily and always possible excitement to the usual monotony of a woman’s life. Abroad smuggling is more of a trade than it is here, or ever will be. Between France and England in the days of the Empire and before free trade became a fixed fact the profession of smuggling, as the statistics published show, was followed by over 2,000 persons. These were known, and how many more not known is an open question. All these succeeded in making a good living by passing too and fro between the regular channel ports. The living must have been pretty good, as the fares backward and forward were high and the dangers of no uncommon kind.

Instinct and Reason.

Mr. James Hutchings, writing from Bambury, England, to Nature, gives the following curious account of the doings of a cat: A .pair of blackbirds built a nest on the top of my garden wall, which is thickly covered with ivy and within three yards of the drawing-room window. When the young birds were about three parts fledged, one of them, by some mishap, left the nest and fell into the flow'er garden. My cat (seven years old, and which had killed scores of small birds) immediately found it, and at the same time a kitten (about three months old but not belonging to the cat) began to pay rather rude attentions to the young blackbird, and would have used it as kittens are wont, but the old cat would not suffer her to touch it. The cause of this was the old cock blackbird, being aware of the peril of its young, made a great noise and kept flying here and there around the scene of action, crying and scolding with might and main. It then became evident to me that the cat had two or three objects in view and a purpose to gain. Firstly, not to allow' the kitten to touch, or kill, or make off with the young bird. Secondly, to use the young bird as a decoy to entrap the old one. Thirdly, to make the young bird cry sufficiently from fear or pain to induce the parent’s affection to overcome its 'discretion. During the maneuvers old Tom repeatedly made unsuccessful springs to catch the cock bird, alternately running to give the kitten a lesson of patience or self-denial, or impose a , fear of v punishment. The ybung bird repeatedly hopped out of sight amongst the flowers and stinted its cries; then anon the cat touched it again and made it flutter about and cry again, which from time to time brought the old bird down with cries of terror or wrath Or a blending

of both emotions, and almost into the very mouth of the cat. Two or three times I thought old Tom was successful, but no, he missed his object most surprisingly. It became evident to me that the cat was using the young bird as a decoy to catch the old one. Alter I had watched some ten or fifteen minutes it became too painful for me to witness, so I caught the young bird and put it again into its nest, which was about ten feet from the ground. In less than an hour the young bird was again on the ground, the cat, kitten and parent bird performing the same drama, with this difference in the acting: the cat lay down, rolled about or sat at a convenient distance from the young bird, yet with eyes alert, though half shut and otherwise giving an assurance that he did not intend to make another bound without succeeding to "catch his prey. He was, however, disappointed and made four without achieving his purpose. At this juncture the mother-bird came on the stage with cries of distress but kept aloof on the branches of a tall cherry tree that rises above the wall; and if her boldness were less than the cock-bird’s her discretion was greater, for she kept far aloft. Once it seemed to me that the cock-bird actually struck the back or head of the cat with his wing and mandible. This scene continued about seven or ten minutes, when I again caught the young bird and threw it over the wall, and the exhibition of animal thought, emotion and passion ceased. Here were manifested phenomena of a more remarkable kind than those seen in the cases cited by the Duke of Argyll in the Contemporary Review for July, in an article to illustrate “ Animal Instinct in Relation to the Mind of Man,” for the cat showed an amount of reasoning which he probably never before exercised, because never before placed in the same circumstances. That he had used young sparrows, of which he must have caught scores, as decoys to catch the old ones is possible, but I am perfectly sure that no kitten ever was in the garden: during his reign as “ monarch of all he surveyed" in the shape of birds. Hence his authority over the kitten, which was full of life and eagerness to appropriate the young bird, the killing of which would have defeated the purpose of the cat in using the young bird as a decoy to catch the old one, was indeed remarkable, and disclosed a combination of mental forces of self-conscious reason of no trifling order, and, as it appears to me, conclusive that the difference —and only difference—between instinct and reason is one of degree.

An Heir’s Return.

Nearly twenty years ago a youth of a roving turn of mind and decidedly fond of adventure took his departure from his parental residence in Sligo, on the South Side, and pushed out on his own account into the broad and untried world to seek his fate and fortune. He had been raised most tenderly; being an only son of wealthy parents his every wish and whim were gratified, and neither effort nor means was spared to properly educate him for the better whlks of life, but still he was not happy or contented. Without making any preparation for a distant and prolonged journey, or informing either friends or relations of his intentions, he quietly left his home, somewhat unintentionally performing a mysterious disappearance. Days rolled away into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years, and the crushed hearts of the parents were not relieved by any , gladsome tidings from their boy; They early gave way to despondency, and, while settling down to the belief that he was dead and never more would return, still, hoping against hope, they used all exertions to learn something of him and his whereabouts, but all to no avail. No word, no news, no letter, no answer to their addressed inquiries to all parts of the world came to solve the mystery which so burdened their hearts. A few years ago the father passed away in death, and the recollection df his wayward son was with him to the final moment of departure. Something inwardly told the good old man that his boy was yet in the world, and the priceless legacy of a father’s blessing he left for him. The mother, likewise hopeful, survived the partner of hey joys and sorrows only a few years, and with her last breath bequeathed to Alexander the precious gift of her maternal benison. And thus they passed away. During the long and fretful suspense of the loving and distressed parents the son was living the life of a wanderer, far off among the rugged gold hills of Australia, making his livelihood in the wilderness of a now humanity to him. He had not forgotten his old home, and his heart often returned to the dear old couple whose roof and protection he had so singularly abandoned. He was not long permanently domiciled in his new home till he wrote back to his parents, explaining his absence and telling them all about his romantic trials and thrilling experiences in his journey to lands so far away from the old hearth-stone. That letter never came back to check the doubts and misgivings of his friends or assuage the hallowed grief of the father and mother. He awaited in vain for an answering echo to his message of unabated love and filial duty. No word reached him, and again he wrote home, add fearing the reliability of the mail he intrusted the missive to a comrade who was coming hither. That letter was never received; the courier never was heard from. After this, Alexander magnified his offense into grave proportions, and felt that he was unforgiven the transgression and wantonly forgotten. He wrote n» more, and in his dreams the old folks ever appeared, but no good guardian angel ever whispered through them how two old gray heads, bowed in grief, implored the blessings of God upop him, or how two loving hearts beat in prayerful anxiety and suspense in his* behalf. He married, and soon three rosy-cheeked children clambered upon his knge, and in them and his wife he found objects to divert his niind away from the oUI Jwme and incentives to make a happy one for himsslf. His wife died, and his grief was made all the greater on receiving by post the coSH lffgdfafenouncement that he was left the nedwo a large estate by the death of both' *Tu_s parents. The lawyers had discovered ms address,

SUBSCRIPTION; $2.00 a Year, in Advance.

even though the efforts of others in the same direction had failed a thousand times. The last will and testament of the father left all his estate to his wife, the mother, to be held for her use during life, and to £ as ® ike son, provided he appeared iside often years after her death to claim the possessions. If Alexander did not appear in the allotted time all was to revert to St. Paul’s Roman Catholic Orphan Asylum and designated charitable institutions and purposes. The estate is worth SIOO,OOO, ana consists of suburban and city property, bonds, etc. On Saturday last the heir to all, the long-absent son Alexander, arrived in our city and sought out the friends of his boyhood. Need we attempt to portray the feelings of the now subdued and settled man as he once more sits at the old fireside and reflects on the history of his life, of the persons and things that were, but are not now, of the mighty changes wrought out in the past eventful twenty years ?— Pittsburgh Gazette.

Yesterday afternoon a lot of horses belonging to somebody on South Hill were strolling down Boundary street, near Angular, at the same time a very dignified clergyman was walking along on the sidewalk. The street is very muddy, and presently the horses got tired of it, and accordingly filed across to the plank walk and promenaded along, single file, right before the dominie. Mares, colts, in all there were just thirteen of the animals, and they walked along very solemnly, but making aterrfiic clattering on the plank, while the clergyman followed, quietly amused at the nonchalant manner with which the horses took possession of the walk. Pretty soon he heard a tremendous shouting and a few screams at the head of the procession, which came to a dead halt, and the minister became aware that two women were trying to “ shoo” the horses into the street by shrieking and making threatening gestures with their parasols, while the shouting came from a man in his shirtsleeves on the other side of the way, and his remarks were addressed to the Gospeler. “ Drive them horses oft"’n that ar sidewalk!” he yelled. “ Ain’t you got no more sense than that, ye son of a rancher? Get them horses out into the road, or I’ll wade through this mud to ye, and bury ye in the gutter!” “My friend,” meekly began the minister, “ you labor under an erroneous ”

“Labor nothin’!” yelled the man. “ Don’t ye know no better’n to drive a lot of horses along a sidewalk, and chase women an’ children off into the mud? Row jest hump them cattle out into the street, or I’ll make it hot for ye!” “ My good sir,” the minister endeavored to explain, “ you are hasty overmuch. I am not driving ” “Oh-h-h! ye outdacious liar,” yelled the man. “As though I hadn’t ben watchin ye ever sence ye came around yan comer, drivin ’em along the sidewalk becaze ye was tbo nice to walk in the mud. A sweet-scented drover you are. Yer too high-toned fer this town, my duck, an’ if ye don’t git them horses into the street and mosey out o’ this before I come acrost to ye, ye’ll never drive another woman and her baby into the mud agin, I kin tell ye.” The astonished preacher began to expostulate once more, but the man was out of patience by this time and strode through the mud toward the terrified gentleman, rolling his sleeves up and swearing terrifically as he came, big with the importance of being the champion of two women and a baby against a foreign drover. The minister had made up his mind to be smashed, but Providence took care of him, as it does of ministers and editors and other good men. A dbg which lives down near the grocery, aroused by the clamor, looked up and saw the horses, which were standing quietly listening to th#quarrel, and ijui. second he was over the fence and snapping at every pair of heels at once. The frightened horses snorted and, wheeling off the sidewalk, charged madly across the street, suddenly pilling up and wheeling in different directions as they met the man, and when they galloped away the preacher saw a sight that filled him with horror. Those horses in their frenzied plunging had slapped chunks of mud as big as nailkegs all over that man. They had plastered him from head to foot; his ears were level-full of blue mud and his shirt was a mass of yellow clay, and he was digging this slimy mud that grows in the wagon-ruts out of his eyes with both hands. Every time he spit he blew out pieces of mud as large as turnips, and he spit, as near as the minister could estitimate, ninety-five times a minute. He was trying to say something, but the angels above could never guess what. There hasn’t been such a muddy man in town since the night dear old Blake chased the policeman. The minister, grateful tor his providential rescue, did not tempt Providence by offering to scrape his enemy off, but he fled in dignified haste, and only heard the women pause, in the midst of their horrified pity for their champion, to speak of the flying minister as a “horrid, ill-mannerly horse-trader.” He only checked his speed one moment to watch the dog which had created the stampede stand for a second on three legs to look in wild amazement at the apparition in the street, and then turn in abject terror and fly to the privacy of his kennel with piteous howls. And the minister marveled greatly on the intricacies and uncertainties of circumstantial evidence.—Burlington (loipa) Hawk-Eye.

—A couple in a town near BostoD, becoming old and losing their teeth, recently concluded that false sets of new ones w T ould be desirable, but, being frugal folks and, moreover* having for some years made one pair of spectacles do double service, concluded that one set would answer all purposes. So one set was bought, and they now eat theinneals by each using the masticators for alternate five minutes. —Joseph Hammerer, of New York, made a provision in his will that after the age of twenty-four his two sons should lose all interest in his estate. He thought that at that age a maq should be able to take care of himself.

NO. 4.

A Victim of Circumstances.