Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 September 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—A bad gauge for railroads—n»ortW —lcicles, |rave la-gun to sprout m Canada. —A bitter disaster —losing monVy on hops. —The Golden Rule is just an opposite •one from the rule of gold. —Success is oneof the few things which (the world never laughs at. —Resting w hen one is not tired ib a luxury which only lazy people cdh enjoy —The South has lots of sugar-cane this and bo small supply of hurricane. —Prof. Hayden has found the best quality of coal in Colorado, and iron in vast quantities. —“ A premium for the best cat” is offered by the managers ot Ute Central NewYork Fair. —Brooklyn claims a patent on the new method of curing rheumatism. Crowd it into the two last lingers and cut them off. —Gov. Osborn says that the surplus grain raised in Kansas this year, if loaded in cars, would make a train 1,600 miles long. —Said a thoughtful editor, when a friend inquired what was the matter with him :■ “ I can find no subject worthy of my ‘steal.’” —Frog-catching is a money-making business at Castleton, N. Y. A man and two boys made S4BO at it in, one month, recently. —Trying to run a household without love is like running a railroad train without grease, and many a "hot box” is inevitable. —“Dovou like codfish-balls, Mr. Wiggins?” ?Ir. Wiggins, hesitatingly: “ I really don’t know: I don’t recollect attending one.” —Alasn’or^Nantucket. Let’s bewhale her sad late. She’s decreased 900 in population since 1870.— . Exchange. Nantucket very hard, didn’t she? —Mr. Keely hasn’t got that motor to suit him yet; but there is plenty or time. If forced to do it, one can put up with steam-engines until spring. —A Tennessee girl told a fellow she would give him a kiss if he would catch her. She ran well till she jjot out of sight Of the old folks and ftien gkve in. z —According to the published statements the summer which has just ended has been cooler by five degrees than the average season for the last eighty-six years. —Peter Cooper says that fashion is ru‘ ining America, and he wears a swallowtailed coat and a rusty old hat so that future generations can’t hold him responsible for any disaster. —The intelligent compositor is “subbing" on the Hamilton (Canada) Spectator. and being given a Latin quotation, rendered it, as if it had been so much lard, into “paid pro gao." . —The Catholic organ, Le Nouveau Afomh. < f Montreal, has been sued for not registering its publisher’s address. The complaint recites 962 infractions of the law and.uemamls the penalty, $96,200. —The tramp nuisance, in the country around Camden. N. J., has become so unbearable that the e farmers, for self-protec-tion agai«-t depredations, nave organized vigilant committees in all the principal rural towns. —Charles Dorr, of Orland, Me., went to Bangor th ■ other day to buy a wedding suit. He regaled himself on peaches and ale on his way home, from the effects ot which he died the next day—the one set for his marriage. —lt is hard tosaywho the happiest man is, but the happiest woman, according to the Danbury is she who is called upon to decide the question as to which is the eunningejU -of-hyo-uf the cunningest babies that ever lived?- -< -

—The advertisement of a Chicago woman with 820.000 for an honest, honorable husband has given a despairing world fresh hope. The number of honest, honorable men yet unmarried would exceed the belief of the most optimistic. —When, you sit down to a nice clean sheet of paper to write some poetry, do not do it. There are 370,000,000 out ot tlie 1,800,000,000 people in the world who have no writing materials, and you had . better >end the sheet to one of them. —The people wonder—can it be That Capt. Webb swam over The twenty uiiks of chopping sea Between Calais and Dover* Yet really, when one reads the tale, W lib candor undiluted, ’Tis fair to ask, how could he fail, A man that’s born Webb footed * —The San Jose (Cal.) Patriot man is getting discouraged because of the marvelous inventions of the age, and concludes : “It certainly becomes a question •of serious consideration whether man is any great production after all; it seems to be only a question of time when he will be forced to give way to animated stones and •brickbats?’ —Prof. Marsh has recently made a criti'cal scientific examination of the fossil bird discovered during his researches at the West, and which presents tlie phenomenal development ot well-formed teeth. The professor concludes that the creature was an intermediate form between the bird and the reptile, and that its discovery supplies one of the missing links in the Darwinian theory. —ln the Ohio Stale Penitentiary the •convicts are not allowed to read anything which will inlorm them what is going on •outside their pri>on walls. The Warden scrutinizes carefully all correspondence passing in and out of his hands, and nothing in the shape«a a newspaper of the day nor any book lik<. y to convey an idea of the progress of events in the world is permitted to reach the inmates. —At Mt. Desert, Me., sea-gulls are caught alive in a unique way. A stick is nut through the tail of a small fish and it is left on t ie seashore where it can be seen by the birds. They then seize and attempt to sv allow it head first, and succeed remarkaL.y well until they come to the stick, when a stop is made. They cannot swallow it further, and it is equally impossible to raise it, and so they choke, strangle and fall over, when they are cap tured. —The exact relations of matrimony and money bother the brains of economists. They think love ought always to go with good bank accounts—but it don't—and that bairns should be born where there is bread to feed them, which is oftentimes -ray far from the fact. Marriage is one of ■the things that dces not get regulated by prices current, ami the less people have of worldly goods the more reason there is for itheir joining hands to get and save. Marciqge does more to educate thrift than thrift to .make marriages, and people who seek a fortune first and a home afterward seldom get anything more than theahellof either. — Golden Age.

—“ Ain't you exprised to see met” said a five-year-old girl, as she tripped into my house in the midst of a rain-storm. “ The rain fell over me like it ran down through a strainer, and I shook it oft, but it wouldn’t stay shocked. I asked God to stop, but there was a big thunder in the way and He could not hear me, I underspeck, and I 'most know He couldn’t see me, 'cause a black cloud got'over my head as black as—anything! Nobody couldn’t sec little girls through black clouds. I'm going to stay till the sun shines, and then when I go home God will look down and say: ‘ Wy, there’s Nettie. She went to see her antie right in the middle of the rain,’ and I guess He’ll be just as much exprised as you was. 6 — Springfield Republican .