Rensselaer Union, Volume 8, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 September 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—A quaint old man, a Boston clergyman of the last generation, was accustomed to say that “ bread is the staff of life, but bread and butter is a gold-beaded -canc.” ' ; —The Prismoidal or one-r&itjrerflroad completed from Houston to San Antonio, Tex., is now open for traffic. Japan is building one of the same kind that will •be 500 miles long. —A Tennessee girl, riding on the cars, ‘crossed the aisle, kicked a young man up against the window and remarked: “1 wa-vbmng up never to allow ayallercyyd man to winß at me!” —Nevada stage-coach robbers are very •courteous men. For instance, they say toa passenger, “I shall cither have to handle your money or spatter your brains over that man’s white vest!” —There aren’t a great many good jokes in the world; after all. It is stated in London Society that latterly instances- of repetition and* accidents of unintentional plagiarism have been frequent in Punch. —The three wonders of the world at present are—How fluff accumulates in * vest pockets, where pins go to, and why, when a man comes out of a saloon, he looks one wav and goes the other. —Neic York World.' .—A humane physician at Plymouth* Mass., summoned to attend a patient a =a few nights ago, walked the entire distance —twelve miles —rather than deprive the horse of the rest the animal required after a hard day’s drive. —The reason why a woman requires a large wallet for the transportation of a twcnty-fivc-cent shinplaster is as deeply wrapped in mystery as the reason why a dog always turns around three times when lie gets up after a nap .—I liter-Ocean. —Walking horse-races have come into usage at Western fairs. It is urged, in favor of such contests, that liofses able to walk at the rate of four or five miles an hour are of more value to farmers, for farm-work, than those that can trot a mile in 2:30., —A man in Keokuk was kicked by a mule the other day and badly injured. When some of those who went to his assistance proposed to take him to a pharmacy, he faintly exclaimed: * ‘ Pharmacy sake' take me anywhere out of the reach of the mule.”

—Capt. John Jones dived over Niagara a few days ago, to show how easy a thing it was to'do. The plunge must have deafened him somewhat, for, although his friends have been tiring cannon all along the river, he has failed to turn up or pay any attention to the noise. —A cigar manufacturer has entered the politicalheld in Dubuque as a candidate' for Alderman. He is said to have schne very strong ’backer s.—Netr York Commercial Adwtistr. And his friends are puffing him a good deal, we suppose. —New Horen Journal. And he'll bike the “stump,” of course. —Boston Post. But his opponents say he won't Havanachance ■ for election. —Chicago Times. —While the workmen were excavating for the. foundation of the Connecticut Central railroad bridge over the Scantie at Scitieo, Somers, Conn., they unearthed a cavern in the rock extending some fifteen "Teei ihfolrTwith an aperture at the openinglarsre. enough to admit a full-grown person, it k supposed to be the longlooked tor cave where Kidd’s treasures were buried, instead of the one a few rods below that was worked a few years since. —Cora Fisher, six years old, recently diet! of hydrophobia at Rutherford Park, N. J. About three months ago a dog belonging to one of the neighbors, bit her lip and slightly scratched her eye, but nothing was thought about the matter, tvs the dog did not seem to be mad. The •dog, how ever, was killed. A few days ago sin; wa> taken with spasms, and on bringing her a glass of water or on touching her w ith a drop ot water she was throw n instantly into convulsions. —Tlie Albany Argus says that as a proof of the confidence of wildfowls, it may be w ell to note that a photographer at Alexandria Bay, on the St. Lawrence River, this summer photographed a ruffled grouse on her nest, placing the instrument within a few feet of her. After her eggs had been hatched, some workmen proceeded to build a summer kitchen near the nest, hut took great care not to disturb her; and in course of time she became so tame that she declined to leave her nest. ~ —Ten years ago a man named Richard Hampton broke the shop-window of a liarmles- watchmaker in Woolwich, England. He was sent to prison for nine months, and on the very day of liis discharge returned to Woolwich and smashed the same window. This time the Court gave him eighteen months; and once more, on the day his sentence expired, he returned and again broke the same window. His third sentence was for ten years; but the other day he was, for good conduct, discharged on a ticket-of-leavc, having served nearly eight years. Promptly, for the fourth time, he went straight to Woolwich and once more sniashed the same window, and being, thereupon brought into Court for a fourth sentence, he remarked that lie would break that window as often as he got the chance for j the rest of his life. He is now in for an- j •other ten years. j