Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 46, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 August 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

; —Hope js the hankerer of the gpul. | —Wicked business—fpaking! candles. i—A profit appreciated in its own county. - ® / . —The baker’s maxim—‘S What ever riz is light.” —They now call retired printers expressmen. —Curiosity about trifles is a mark of a little mind. —An American is “ dickering” with the Egyptians to buy the pyramids. —A mule, a wash-tub and a tine comb are considered a line bridal outfit in Florida. — Detroit Free Press. —Railroad travel, which w r as extremely light during the spring and early summer, is “ panning out” finely now. —A Saratoga belle has become insane from unrequited love, and makes night hideous with cries and groans. —Why is one of the rank and file who has failed to obtained promotion like an illicit machine? Because he is a private still! —The gardener who hung an old coat out to frighten birds away and afterward found a young brood in one of the pockets wants another remedy. —“'Typed feaver,” “coilary,” cansor,” “ paralises,” “rumatis",” teatiling” aud “ boul complaint” are the diseases of which Buffalo people die. The census-taker says so. . ■ -« 5 — —The owners of two steam-tugs in San Francisco Bay are going to lash their boats together by the stern, steam up, and see which is the most powerful, for SSOO a side. —Don’t bewail the misfortune that prevents you being a-partner in some of the great banking-houses of the land; tomorrow it may be your good fortune that you are not. —Mr. N. P. Coleman, of Newington, N. H., uses a pair of wheels on one of his farm wagons which were used by the Marquis de Lafayette during his visit to America in 1824. —When a Philadelphia editor opens a paper which doesn’t refer to the Centennial at least once on every page he flings it down and wants to know how such a wretch is permitted to exist. —Herbert Spencer says women are more conservative than men; but Herbert is a bachelor, and does not know' what it is to have a porcelain sugar-bowl miss liis head and give the glazier a heavy contract. —A Medina (Pa.) physician, while peacefully engaged in robbing the grave of a dead negro for “ scientific” purposes, liad an eye shot out by some unfeeling person who sought to retard the march of science. —The editor of the New York Express is threatened with a beer-garden in front of his country residence in case he does not buy several acres of land opposite at twice its value. He promises a retaliatory bone factory. —The fate of Miss Newton, of Delaware, was indeed a sad one. Fresh from board-ing-school, with a gay life of flutes and rose-leaves and moonbeams before her, she was so shocked and mortified when she heard her mother mispronounce a word in the presence of company that she went up-stairs and poisoned herself. Mothers ought to be more careful. If they can’t pronounce w T ords correctly, when company comes they ought to conceal themselves in the kitchen. — Louisville Courier-Jour-nal. —“ Can you write a good financial article V” said, a boss editor to a new man. “ Oh, yes, that is my strorighold on the press,” said the new man, and he immediately sat down and dashed off a written promise to pay a small amount of money. This he signed and handed in for inspection. The boss said that as he was running a conservative paper he was not prepared to indorse all the stranger had written, but that if he w*ould go and prepare a carefully-written obituary notice of himself he w ould publish it with great pleasure.— Exchange. „ -