Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 July 1875 — “About Ice-Cream.” [ARTICLE]

“About Ice-Cream.”

He slipped into an ice-cream saloon very softly, and when the girl asked him what he wanted he replied : —— “ Corn beef; fried potatoes, pickles and mince pie.” “ This is not a restaurant, this is an icecream parlor,” she said. “Then what did you ask me what 1 wanted for? Why didn’t you bring on your ice-cream?” She went after it, and as she returned he continued: “You see, my dear girl, you must infer —you must reason. It isn’t likely that I would come into an ice-cream parlor to buy a grindstone, is it ? You didn’t think I came in here to ask if you.had any baled hay, did you ?” She looked at him in great surprise, and he went on • “If I owned a hardware store and you came in, I would infer that you came for something in my line. I wouldn’t step out and ask you if you wanted to buy a mule, would I?” She went away highly indignant An old lady was devouring a dish of cream at the next table, and the stranger, after watching her for a moment, called out: “ My dear woman, have you found any hairs or buttons in your dish?” “Mercy! no!” she exclaimed, as she wheeled around and dropped her spoon. “ Well, I’m glad of it!” he continued. “ If you find any just let me know.” She looked at him for half a minute, picked up the spoon, laid it down again, and then rose up and left the room. She must have said something to the proprietor, for he came running in and exclaimed : “ Did you tell that woman that there were hairs and buttons in my ice-cream?” “No, sir.” “You didn’t?” “ No, sir, I did not; I merely requested her, in case she found any such ingredients, to inform me!” “ Well, sir, that was a mean trick.” “My dear sir,” said the stranger, smiling softty, “ did you expect me to ask the woman if she had found a crow-bar or a sledge-hammer in her cream? It is impossible, sir, for such articles to be hidden away in such small dishes!” The proprietor went away growling, and as the stranger quietly supped away at his cream two young ladies came in, sat down near him and ordered cream and cakes. He waited until they had eaten a little, and then he remarked: “ Beg pardon, ladies, but do you observe anything peculiar in the taste of this cream?” They tasted, smacked their lips, and were not certain. “ Does it taste to you as if a plug of tobacco had fallen into the freezer?” he asked. “ Ah! kali!” they exclaimed, dropping their spoons and trying to spit out what they had eaten. Both rushed out, and it wasn’t long before the proprietor rushed in. “ See here, what in blazes are you talking about?” he demanded. “What do you mean by plug tobacco in the freezer?” “My kind friend, I asked the ladies if this cream tasted of plug tobacco. I don’t taste any such taste, and I don’t believe you used a bit of tobacco in it!” “Well, you don’t want to talk that way around here!” continued the proprietor. “ My ice-cream is pure, and the man who says it isn’t tells a bold lie!” He went away again, and a woman with a long neck and a sad face sat down and said to the girl that she would take a small dish of lemon ice. It was brought, and she had taken about two mouthfuls when the stranger inquired: “ Excuse me, madam, but do you know how this cream was made —have you an idea that they grated turnip and chalk with the cream ?” She didn’t reply. She slowly rose up, wheeled around and made for the door. The stranger followed after and, by great good luck, his coat-tails cleared the door an instant too soon to be struck by a fivepound box of figs, hurled with great force by the indignant proprietor. As he reached the curb-stone he halted, looked at the door of the parlor and soliloquized: “ There are times when people should infer, and there are times when they shouldn’t. I suppose if I had asked that woman if she thought they hashed up a saw-mill in the cream she’d have felt a circular-saw going down her throat.”—. Detroit Free Press. • A letter addressed to “the prettiest young lady, Stockton, Cal.,” has placed the Postmaster of that place in a peculiarly unpleasant position. If he doesn’t give it to any one applicant her big brother is after him, ana if he should giv® it to any one applicant the big brothers of all the others would be after him.