Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 July 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—Why are E and A like good people? Because they meet in heaven. —A daring climber at Yale, to celebrate til* recent base-ball victory over Harvard, clfmlied the steeple of the college chapel and attached to the vane a large blue flag over a smaller one of crimson. —AVe like to see a man reasonably quiet and peaceable, but when he stands in one place long enough for the wasps to build a nest in liis hair lie ought to lie kicked into, some sort of resistance.— Brunswicker. —An Irish gentleman of the agricultural persuasion being recommended by a friendly adviser to'heap coals of lire on the head of an aggravating wife, went home and did so. "Her recovery is doubtful, and the prisoner is remanded. —Places for boys to fjnd work are becoming very scarce and the pay for their work very small of late years, on account of the surplus of applicants. There seems to be but one remedy for this—having Fourth of July oflener. —Mrs, Mohair says she doesn’t want to find fault with the indestructible decrees of Providence, but sjie really believes that Old Possibilities lias taken a prejudice against her black and white grenadine dress. She has had to postpone wearing it incomparable times on account of the incolierency of the w T eather. —A singular case of suicide recently occurred in Vernon, N. Y. Moses Beken, an bid and respected citizen of that village, hung himself in consequence of extreme depression of spirits resulting from the persecution of a creditor whom lie was unable to pay and who annoyed and insulted him until his life became insupportable. Moral: Never dun a man.

—The other evening a Vicksburg toper got full and started for home, took a wrong direction, wandered into the outskirts of the city, fell down, and lay beside the fence all night, -He was aroused in the morning by a hog rooting liim over, when, leaping up and hanging to the fence, he took a look at the porker and exclaimed: “ P-perliaps you tli-think I’m a-a corn-com-mon d-drunkard, but you’ve made a bad m-mistake, old fellow!” —One of the morning papers has a list of sixty persons killed, maimed, or injured yesterday in New York and Brooklyn by reckless artillery, premature pistols, impatient sky-rockets and eccentric firecrackers, blue lights, serpents, quillwheels and other explosives. Supposing this list to record half of the actual number of accidents it would imply 4,800 blow-ups of one kind or other in the country at large.— N. Y. Graphic. • —One of our large sheep-growers, says the San Benito (Cal.) Advance, says that the practice of annual shearing will become more general than it lias been in California, as the six months’ clip is too short to fetch a satisfactory price among woolbuyers. The growing demand seems to be for wool of long staple and weight, and advanced figures obtained, besides the ready sale it always commands, will induce many wool-growers to abandon the semi-annual clip. —Mr. Blivens, an old bachelor of Rochester, who is much absorbed in politics, visited the widow Graham the other day, just after reading Grant’s letter, and asked her what she thought of a third term. Now, the widow had been twice married, and in response to the question she made a rush for the astonished Air. Blivens, And, taking him tightly in her arms, exclaimed: “Oh, you deal - , dear man! AVhat a happy woman I am!•” At last accounts Air. B. had locked himself in his wood-house and was endeavoring to explain things to the widow through the key-hole. —While attending church at Portland, Ale., on a recent evening, Aliss Annie Louise Cary went into the choir and assumed the soprano part, which rang quite low in the closing hymn. AVhen the congregation passed out, commenting on the glorious voice of the unknown singer, a lady who prides herself bn her musical taste said iu answer to the question of a friend: “ I think it is one of that street choir. She has a pretty good voice, but it lacks cultivation sadly.” And now the prima donna’s friends are urging her to supply that lack during her forthcoming visit to Europe.— N. Y. Tribune. —A shrewd game was played on the jailer of Cynthiana, Kt., the night of July 1. About midnight he was aroused by a summons, and just before the door was opened he was told by the party who had aroused him that they had a prisoner to be placed in jail, and when lie opened the door to all appearances the prisoner was there, one of the party being bound and tied. Just then they astonished him by saying—the remark being accompanied by the usual appliances in such cases—that, they wanted Goodpasture and Fightmaster, two men convicted for horse-stealing, and proceeded to liberate them. They would not permit any other prisoner to go out, and said their object was to release those two men and no others. It is supposed that, the liberating party was from the mountains, and belong -to a regular hand of horse-thieves. The Sheriff with a posse went after them the next morning, but as yet they have been unsuccessful in capturing them. —The Liverpool Post of June 18 says: “ An extraordinary marriage has been celebrated in the Church of St. Woollos, New*port, between a girl named Elizabeth Jones, of the tender age of thirteen years, and a young man of tw*enty-three years of age. The husband is supposed to be a street preacher from Britouferry, and the child-wife is the daughter of Air* Evan Jones, a storekeeper at the Vernon tin works. On Sunday night last the two met at the Neath Station, and proceeded to Newport, where they were joined by a sister of the young man. The latter had. not before disclosed the purpose which he had in view to his relative, and when she heard of it she uttered an indignant remonstrance, refused to attend the church, and returned to her home. On proceeding to the church the following morning the bridegroom explained the absence of attendants by informing the clergyman that his sister had been suddenly taken unwell. The service was then accomplished, and a little girl thirteen years of age married by a priest of the Church of England. The child-wife afterward returned to her parents, who were much distressed at her absence, and informed them what bail happened.” —Knocking worni-nests from apple trees is a common occupation at present. In impetuously removing a nest from a tree on Spring street yesterday two ot the worms fell outside the nest, and went down the neck of the woman who was watching the operation. She emitted a piercing scream and w ent plunging under the frees, uttering shriek after shriek. The husband, knowing nothing of the cause of the outbreak, very discreetly took to the cellar and crowded back of a cider-vinegar barrel to wait for the disappearance of -what he firmly believed to lie a serious attack of insanity. The unfortunate woman pranced and screamed Until she brought together some sixty-five neighbors of her

own sex, who were determined to afford her immediate relief until they learned what was the matter, when they precipitately retired outside the fence, but showed there was no abatement of their sympathy by asking her, individually and unitedly, why she didn’t} take the dreadful tilings out. At this juncture Air. Rouse, the baker, drove by, and he soon restored peace,,, with the aid of two of the more courageous neighbors. The husband.now unexpectedly appeared from the cellar, and explained Ins course by saying that he had on his best coat and was afraid she would tear it iu her frenzy —Danbury News.