Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 July 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—Shoulder seams are cut very short, and the coat sleeves fit almost tight to the arm. —The prospects are that green apples and cholera will be about a month later than usual this year. —lt isn’t any economy to get your wife to cut your liair, because it costs you so much afterward for courbplaster.— Brooklyn Argus. —A Charleston merchant who failed the other day owed $3,785 and his assets were seventeen cents. It takes an Ameriican to do business. » —The people of New Bedford, Mass., are fitting out a large whaling expedition, numbering 111 vessels, for a regular oldfashioned whaling expedition. —Are the people of this broad and magnificent country going to let the grasshopper excitement overshadow potato-bug talk? Naw! Arouse, ye freemenl —A young lady in Alabama said she fuessed she knew' how to shoot a pistol. he doctor w'ho dug the bullet out of her brother’s leg said he guessed so too. —Kerosene oil is recommended as a destroyer of the Colorado potato beetle. Here, possibly, is the new opening which oil-producers have been in seatch of. —A woman marries the first time for love, the second time for a home, and she is in favor of the third term if the man is eligible financially.— Titusville Herald. —Nothing is so calculated to overthrow one’s confidence in human nature as the spectacle of a man poulticing his wife’s throat for the purpose of restoring her voice.

—When a boy falls and peels the skin off his nose, the first thing he does is to get upland yell. When a girl tumbles and hurts herself badly, the first thing she does is to get up and look at her dress. —Canaan Valley, Conn., is the place where they store kegs of gunpowder in a blacksmith-shop, and where the gunpowder, lighted by a spark from the forge, blows the blacksmith and his shop into bits. —There are times when all of a woman’s self-possession and dignity are required. That is when she show's her first baby, a hare-lipped one, to an old beau, whom she had jilted for the sake of her present husband. —California female teachers have always treated the School Trustee’3 boy with the distinguished consideration which, as the son of his father, he is entitled to, and now' they get just as much pay as male teachers. —Upon the death of her husband the lady married his brother, and when a friend saw the portrait of the first husband in the house he said: “Is this a member of your family?” “ It is my poor brother-in-law,” she said. —A young man in Oswego jumped into the canal and ruined a fifty-dollar suit of clothes to save a cross-eyed girl, and then wouldn’t accept a button-string which she collected for him. He said that honesty was its own reward. —“ Well, Neighbor Slummidge, how' much shall I put you down for to get a chandelier for the church?” Neighbor S.—“ Shoo ! what we want to get a chandylierfor? The’ hain’t nobody can play on ter it when ye git it.” —There is said to be a family at work in the cbtton mill in Brunswick, Me., which consists of father and mother and twenty-four children, all the children large enough being at work. The woman is the fourth wife; a brother of the hus band, living with his fifth wife in Montreal, has twenty-five children. —ln sentencing two murderers to be hanged the other day, Judge Reed, of Charleston, S. C., dropped into the follow mg' selection: , This world is all a fleeting show For man’s illusion given. Its smiles of its tears of woe, Deceitful shine,, deceitful flow. There’s nothing true but Heaven. The victims of the law failed tojf look con* soled. • ', „ —The Rev. W. M. Baker wrote to the Independent a story of Phil Sheridan, the events of which he vouches for as occurring within his own experience. He narrates that a young lady, wishing to be taken out fbr a walk by Sheridan, made a request to him to accompany her. Sheridan declined on the plea of* wet weather. A few minutes later the lady detected him stealing out alone, and charged him with inconsistency. Sheridan replied (says the chronicler): “ The weather is too bad for two, but I thought it might be good enough for obe.” This same story, it is

discovered '• was *°ld of Richard Brinsley Sheridan yt a . rs a "°- Tlie Rev - Baker’s revival of it \ 3 , t ‘ ue P&’haps to the prevailing centennial fever. —At the layiv of the corner-stone of Bunker Hill Mom Uie crowd that had assembled to hear Mr ; Webster's oration pressed forward upo* l , e so that it was in danger of giving way. The Chairman urged the ci. °, back, but liis entreaties were ux deeded, and he asked' Mr. Webster’s assist ance. The latter arose and said, in his i najestic way: “ Gentlemen, you must fall hi . •“ "We cannot,” was‘the reply; “it , impossible ; the crowd behind are pushi ?g us f ,,r ' ward.” In a spirit befitting the p. * ace time the great Webster turned upo, n .diem and exclaimed: “Gentlemen, notht n g impossible on Bunker Hill; you must. back.” And back they went, as if ii. ll : pelled by divine force. |

—There is a cqge containing four white mice at the Delta Saloon, Virginia, which are quite a study. After seeing their maneuvers for an hour or two one is not at all surprised at the racket made by mice generally, for during the early part of the evening they take constant and violent exercise. They consume a great deal of water, taking a drink every ten minutes or oftener. It would be supposed that such a small animal as a mouse would not be at all ferocious and aggressive; but such appears to be the ease with the white species, at least. A chipmunk that was put into the cage with those at the Delta was attacked by them all, and very quickly dispatched, without one of the mice being injured in the least by the unfortunate victim. A gray mouse which was subsequently put into the same cage was very roughly handled, being attacked by two of the white mice, who took hold of him like a couple of bull-dogs, and repeated the attack again and again, shaking him by the throat and biting his legs ana tail, the latter being nearly severed from his body. Perhaps white mice, like red ants, are a particularly ferocious species of the genus to winch they belong.— Virginia (Cal.) Chronicle.