Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 39, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 June 1875 — Hampton Smith’s Revenge. [ARTICLE]

Hampton Smith’s Revenge.

His name was Hampton Smith and Ida age was ten. Every night for a long tune past his mother had been in the habit of searching his pockets after he had been tacked away m bed. she found a euchre-deck once, and next morning he received a bad set-back well laid on. She captured his dime novels and burned them. She discovered his cigar-stubs and bits of plug tobacco, and the old man asked him to step around behind the house and see how the crop of sprouts was getting along. One morning when Hampton Smith arose and found a handful of gum-drops gone from his right-hand pocket his brow was corrugated for a moment. Then a broad grin covered his face. The next night he left some more gum-drops and next morning they were gone. He dia&'t make ady remarks, and his mother looked as innocent as if she had never shut her teeth on any of his confectionery. ** You just wait!" whispered Hampton, as he walked around next day; “you’ll see fun around this ’ere mansion before you are many days older!" That night Hampton Smith had the usual quantity of gum-drops in his pants pocket, and he heroically resisted the inclination to bend himself into the shape of a half-moon and go to sleep after the quilts had been drawn up to his chin. When his mother had reason to believe, from lapse of tihic, 'hat her son Hampton was dreaming of Sixteen-string Jack's bold adventures she slid into the bedroom and went down into that same old pocket. The gum-drops were hauled out, and as she crowded five or six into her mouth at once she uttered an “Mm —m —m!” to signify that the confectionery tickled her palate and just met the views of her appetite. “ She’s standing on the verge of the grave, as it were!” whispered the dutiful son, and he took a mouthful of quilt to prevent the escape of an exclamation of delight. Next day Hampton Smith made a call at the drug store and invested two cents in drugs, and then he purchased two ounces of gum-drops, ensconced himself in a big box behind the street-car barn and no human eye could see what followed. He was, however, heard to remark in an excited whisper: “If the old thing works it 'll beat a Fourth of July parade all to pieces!” He gave his mother two or three gumdrops that evening, as a bait, and soon after his father had started for the corner grocery the boy remarked that he was awful sleepy —never so sleepy in his life. He soon slid into bed, and after selecting a comfortable position he called out: “Good night, my darling mother!" “ Good night, my son," she replied, her mouth watering in anticipation of the coming feast. The old clock on the mantel slowly and solemnly ticked a quarter of an hour into Timers eternity. “Are you asleep, my son?” called the mother. No answer. “ I guess he is,” she remarked to herself, and she crept into the bedroom, seized his pants, and the gum-drops were speedily lifted out. She sat down, divided the dozen into two mouthfuls, leaned back her head, and five or six of the drops fell into her mouth. “The curtain rises!” whispered the son as he sat up in bed. She shut her teeth together, gave a sudden start of surprise, and next instant sprang from her chair and uttered a yell that made the dishes rattle. She started for the back door, her eyes having a terrified look, and her mouth resembling the entrance to a cave, but she fell over a chair, rolled under the table, and yelled: “H&mp gosh help ooh —wup—yah!” She leaped up and jumped for the water-pail, but it was empty. She tried to open the door but Hampton had slyly turned the key and removed it.i As she was tearing around the room he sprang out of bed and wildly inquired: “ Mother! dear mother, have you got the hydro——?” “ Oop — w a —door—dipper—ush—o-o----o-w!” she gasped, spitting all over him. “Spoke to me, dearest parent!” he exclaimed, racing around after her—“it’s me, you son Hampy!" “Water—oop! hoop! vi!" she cried, pulling at the door-knob. “Lemme call dad? Lemme git a doctor?” he entreated. Her eyes were full of tears, her face as red as paint, and she danced around and took long breaths of air as if she had a mouthful of hot soup. She pointed to the door, then into her mouth, and he finally got the key and let her out. He followed her, ana as he saw her imbibing copious draughts of water from an old tin basin he remarked: “ Well, I never saw such a case of toothache before!” When she had rinsed out her mouth, wiped her eyes and could speak she regarded him with a long, suspicious look, and she glanced around as if searching for the press-board or the boot-jack. “Is your toothache any better, mother?” he kindly inquired. “Yes, a good deal!” she replied in a savage tone. “Then I guess I'll goto bed again,” he continued, and he sought his innocent conch, assumed a cornerwise position and grinned and chuckled and whispered: “I’d gi’n eleven million dollars if Sam Parker had bin over here!” The old-fashioned clock on the shelf still ticks the quiet evening minutes into hours and the hours into the awful chasm of the past. Hampton Smith still goes to bed at the same seasonable hour and curls himself into a half-moon position and falls asleep. But Hampton Smith’s mother is not on a still hunt after any more confectionery, and she has lost all interest in trousers pockets.— M. Quad, in Hearth and Home.