Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 39, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 June 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—Blackberries were in the San Francisco market the last of May. —Crystal Springs, Misa, will ship 60 r 000 boxes of peaches North daring the season. —ls you can’t get a good education and a white plug hat get the hat.— Washington Herald. —lt is not an infrequent experience of churches in New York itrthese times to be obliged to sell out for debt. This was the fate of two quite recently. —A Boston damsel, who put on her gloves to clean them with benzine rfhd then went too close to tbe gaslight found that she had a first-class conflagration on hand. —The success met with by Col. Anthony in defying death is accounted for by the fact that death is masculine and Susan is feminine, .and she’s been protecting her brother against the other tyrant. —There is' a French court trying the question whether a functionary charged with a process of the law is justified in seizing a soldier’s two wooden legs if he can get them at a moment when they are not worn. —A Fultonville man got rid 6f an organ-grinder by pointing to the elegant hennery, and informing him that the family occupying that domicile were exceedingly fond of organ music. The organ-man stopped playing before the hennery when the aroused roosters began to crow. —Utica Observer. —Designs in hosiery amount almost to a fine art this season. Some in silk are really beautiful to look at, although the material is not as agreeable to the foot as the cottons or Lisle-thread. Among the prettiest are stockings in two shades of the same color, the upper half being in the lighter shade. Others have a black ground ornamented with flowers. —A lover of his race has a hit of information for sentimental young ladies. He says that as soon as a baby’s teething begins the romance of married life ceases. No woman can feel any sentiment for a man who travels around in his night-shirt of a hot summer’s eve with a squalling infant dangling over his shoulder. It is then that she stops calling him “ Darling” and descends to such commonplace observations as; “John Camflre, be careful how you hold that baby!” —A hat after the latest mode is a wide-brimmed Leghorn, turned up on the left side and faced with cream-white silk, edged with a band of black velvet half an inch wide. The trimming around the crown consists of black velvet and soft, wide gros grain ribbon mingled and twisted together, while bows of each hold the stem of an ostrich feather which droops over the back. Fringe is tied in the ends of the ribbon which falls from a loose sailor knot on the crown.

—San Francisco is proud of its Palace Hotel, and items like this crop out in each issue of the city newspapers: “A Salt Lake man visiting in this~city was amazed at the Palace Hotel. When he went home he confidentially remarked to a party of his friends: * Why, you could hang the tabernacle out of the seventh story of this great house and it wouldn’t appear bigger than a bird cage, and Brigham would look like a flyspeck.’ ” —There was a singular performance in a Boston court a few days ago. During the trial of a case a juryman began questioning a witness in such a manner that the District Attorney called him (the juryman) as a witness. This was objected to by the other side as an un-heard-of proceeding, but the Court ruled that the evidence was admissible, and it was received, though it is probably the first time in the history of Massachusetts courts that a juror has testified in a case upon which he is to give a verdict. —King Kalakaua, of the Sandwich Islands, will send his feather cloak to the Centennial. It will represent more labor than any other on exhibition. Its manufacture was commenced over 100 years ago under the auspices of some of the ancestors of Kamehameha, the first King of the islands, and upward of fifty years of time were required for its completion. It is made of the feathers of a peculiar species of bird—each bird furnishing only two feathers, one from under each wing. In size the cloak is a little over a square yard, -and its color is a goldjpi yellow. It used to be worn by the King on State occasions, bnt of late years it serves only to adorn the recep-tion-room of the palace.

—The Stockton Leader narrates an incident which, it thinks, stamps a San Joaquin County man as the meanest on record. He is worth property of the value of SIOO,OOO. Recently his son died, and he consulted an undertaker in regard to a coffin and the trimmings therefor. After haggling over the price of the coffin—and he hjad selected a cheap article—the question of trimmings came up for consideration. “ How many handles do you put on a coffin?” he asked of the undertaker. “ Six,” was the reply. “Couldn’t you put four on; seems to me six cost too much,” responded the bereaved father. The undertaker said he Could furnish four as well as six, but the cost in either case would be the same, as the handles came in sets of six, and taking four from the set the two remaining would be valueless. Looking dejected for a moment, the mourner responded, his features lighting up with such a smile as a miser might envy, “ Couldn’t you put on six handles, and take them on at the grave?” —The Rocky Mountain Neu>» says: “ In September, 1860, the first babe saw the blue Idaho firmament and breathed the crisp mountain atmosphere under circumstances little less primitive than those which attended its Savior’s birth. David Cartwright and wife were the parents who were rendered happy by the little fellow’s appearance, and the boy was born under the spreading branches of a pine tree, which is yet standing, near the center of the village. This specimen nugget soon became the pet—and, it is said, the somewhat demoralized pet —of the roug{i miners, and catching their roving disposition he rambled around the confines of the camp at the youthful age of two yearr with the apparent ease of an Arab. He ■was called 4 Rock’ on account of his wonderful hardiness, and often showed his appreciation of the honor conferred upon him. The crowning act of Rock’s life—so far as known —was accomplished just before be discarded his swaddling garments, at the age of two and a half. While on his way to superintend the working of some extensive gulch diggings one day he fell head foremost into a well, where the bottom could only be found at the depth of thirty feet. Upon striking he found ottly six inches of water, and did not propose to be worried much by such a fall, so im mediately commenced calling for help.

It was his sad fat-, omj , „ Tt , there six long hooH STOCK ered, but wjben men the rescue his pent-up bounds. There was ao crj. but sacb,a volley of invecti«£Q|CC heads of neglectful parents fell from childish Bps. Here is a siu^ ‘ You ink I kin tay in a well all day wu out jiuffln to eat ike a fog? ’Fy wasn’t no better sadder ’n nmdder’n ’ou I’d d» wifout children V ”