Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 June 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—An old hulk of a husband is the wreck of courtship. —Those counterfeit Traders’ fives have reached California. —The cost Of the Tennessee public schools last year was about $1.50 per scholar. —An effort to manufacture fuel from peat found in Onondaga County, N. Y., is being made. —Uncle Sam has shipped 2,000 muskets to Texas. Two thousand Mexicans please take warning. —There was shipped from Pioche, Nev., recently over $12,000 in bullion on two successive days. —A woman in Lancaster County, 8. C., has made a profit of ninety dollars in one year from three hens. —A Danbury boy thinks he ought to go barefooted because Julius Ciesar and the Roman Senators used to. —Some of the school-teachers in Lake County, CoL, were paid off recently in oats. It was that or nothing. . —The Courier-Journal says that a woman is always happy when baying medicine for some one else ta take. —“Heep good for hoss blanket!” was the exclamation of one of the Indian delegation as he danced aronnd on a velvet carpet. —lt’s astonishing, says the New Orleans Bulletin, to see how little there is of some ladies in these days of contracted skirts. —Paul Bovton succeeded in crossing the English Channel, but that’s nothing. Did he ever try to drive a cow out of hia garden patch? —The editor of the Warrenlburg (Mo.) News says that grasshopper soup has “a delicate mushroom flavor which at once banishes prejudice.” —A New Yorker has got into trouble by pounding an insane patient to death. His defense is that the patient had no business to be insane. —Boston wants the centennial celebration removed from Philadelphia to that city, hut the Penn is mightier than the sword of Bunker Hill. —An English paper says it is healthy for ladies to skate, even if they do fall down occasionally and splinter the ice for five or ten yards around. —A lady, on separating from her husband, changed her religion, being determined, she said, to avoid his company in the next world as well as this. . —Gen. Sherman lately told the St. Louis woman suffragists to ask for all they were entitled to and grumble for the rest, the way the sojer boys do. —Several American officers are going to join the Chinese army and show the Celestials that it is just as easy to stand up to the line as it is to run away. —The old maids of Athens, Ga., are on the war-path. They’ve actually requested the Legislature to make it a special offense for any widow to marry again. —Allen Bacon, of Charlottesville, Va., advertises that he deals in pork and hams. Doesn’t this come under the head of “ the eternal fitness of things?” —When a Vicksburg husband sold his wife for ten dollars she said she liked him and didn’t want to leave, but yet she wouldn’t see him bluffed by a stranger over a small sale like that. —A wash-bowl set on the head upside down with a bunch of flowers strung around the base is not a strikingly beautiful object to look upon, but it is about the summer style for ladies’bonnets. —The girls who are to graduate at one of the East Boston schools have voted to wear none but inexpensive dresses on the occasion. That is a direct bid for good-looking and desirable husbands. —The London News has an article about “ Native Feeling in India.” What the native was feeling for is not stated. But if he was anything like our native he was feeling for the national pocket-book. —A Newport (R. I.).man, who was recently thrown from his carriage and assisted home by a neighbor, was somewhat surprised the other day to receive a bill of six dollars for services rendered.

—Gen. Jackson once made a dinner oft a crust of bread and a cup of water, and when a Cairo wife complains of the scarcity of provisions her husband asks if she is any better than Gen. Jackson. —lt takes just one cent to send an ordinary paper by mail from Canada into the United Statesrbut according to our Postal laws, as existing at present, it takes four cents to send the same paper back,, —This is the time of year when mothers and daughters endeavor to give the breakfast-table chat a wateringplace tint, while the old gentleman eats hastily and departs promptly to his business. —The New York policeman who clubbed a citizen to death last fall has just been acquitted. The poor man has been out of a situation for months because the friends of the murdered man made a fuss about it. —The last Legislature of Arizona passed an act o awarding a premium of $5,000 for the first artesian water obtained at a greater depth than 500 feet, or SB,OOO for artesian-water obtained at a less depth, in that Territory. —The chiefs will return to the Black Hills and resume their human-hair business. From the fact that they are to remain ill possession of those topographical inequalities it may be predicted that they will raise a very large crop. —A Nelson street woman being asked if a neighbor was slovenly cautiously remarked: “ I can’t say as to that, but she gave an old woman one of her old wrappers the'other day, and she boiled it up and got grease enough oat of it to make a gallon of soap.”— Danbury News. —Margaret Duede, of St. Louis, was, a very nice old lady, but she took the small-pox and disappeared for a month or two. She was finallyJound in the w ell of a temperance family, who remarked that the water nad been getting pretty strong for their simple tastes for some days. —Mr. Chauvez is the gentleman who undertakes to fill the void left in California bandit circles by the death of the late accomplished Mr. Yasquez, but, although the gentleman has the cause seriously at heart, he is not much of & success, having only averaged about three murders a day since he got in the business. i —What the Philadelphia Times particularly objects to is, that the impression should go abroad that Massachusetts has made “ a corner in brains." It does seem strange that the Philadelphians should send to Boston for a Centennial poet, wrhen by simply taking the river ferry to Camden they could secure the presence of Walt. Whitman and Ms sonorous sublimity. ' < ' .