Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 35, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 May 1875 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—Virtue is the first title of nobility. —Did you ever hear a rich man sing? —Some people bemoaningly say that there is more crime than there used to be. Yes, and there are more people; and more ways for finding out and publishing their misdoings. —“ Is the shoe too small?” asked a fond swain of his sweetheart, who was moaning about cramped toes. “ Oh, no! The shoe is just right, but my foot is too big —that’s all.” —“ls this the Adams House?” asked a stranger of a Bostonian. “ Yes,” was the reply, ‘Ait’s Adam’s House until you get to the roof, then it’s eavep.” The Worcester Gaeette heard this. —The psyllodeballismon is the simple name of a new projectile. What deadly execution it would do if hurled into the ranks of a spelling-class!— New York Commercial Advertiser. —A Colorado man sold his wife for $306 the other day, and when explaining the matter to his children he said he hated to let the old woman go, but S3OO “wasn’t laying around loose like it used ,to was.” —lt is a good and safe rule to sojourn in every place as if you meant to spend your life there, never omitting an opportunity ol doing a kindness, or speaking a true word, or making a friend. Seeds thus sown by the wayside often bring forth abundant harvest. —The Police Court Justice of Detroit, on whom the Frte Press has brought the condemnation of the English magazines for “ levity in court,” is a serious, methodical and dignified lawyer, who probably never made a joke in his life. “ Bijali” has not been Bailiff in the court for several years. —lt was discovered that a deaf man carried off the honors at a spelling-match. Sympathizing with his infirmity the enunciator had given the champion the words to be spelled on a slip of paper. After the exposure by a man who was all ears the success of the deaf man w-as not so pronounced. — N. 0: Republican. —A Georgia newspaper says: “In Resaca there is a merchant a part of whose business it is to collect the leaden bullets that are scattered over that tragic field. He employs a good many children, who are steadily engaged in collecting these bullets, for which he pays them five cents per pound. These bullets he ships to Baltimore, where he sells them at seven cents. He told Capt. Smith that he had already collected and shipped 16,000 pounds, and that lie then had on hand about 2,000 pounds more.”

—Rather a serio-comic incident occurred at a station on the Richmond & Danville Railroad a few days ago. An engineer having occasion to back his train on to a siding to take on an extra car a negro who was to do the coupling got caught in between the bumpers of the off-car and the train, and, though not seriously hurt, had the breath pjjptty well knocked out of him and was unable to move. Another" negro, who saw his predicament, crept up to the engine and drawing the engineer aside said to him in a confidential whisper: “ Boss, you got him.” “What?” “You got him, Boss, sure enuf dis time. He can’t move nor holler needer.” Still puzzled, the Enquirer reporter again demanded an explanation, when the negro sank his voice lower, and, giving a knowing “Boss, I specs you better run; nobody seed you,” and then disappeared. About this time the fireman, who had gone back, came forward and explained matters, but it is evident that negro No. 2 thought the squeeze was done on purpose.—Richmond (Va.) Enquirer. —An exceedingly valuable dog has Mr. Ira Wetherbee, of Chico, Cal.,,and one which Mr. Wetherbee should always have with him when he indulges in the fascinating, but sometimes expensive, game of draw-poker. Mr. Wetherbee became recently engaged in a little game of this class where the odds were immensely against him because, as subsequently appeared, one of the party at the table was arranging the cards in a shamefully partial manner. This man, who was engaged in cheating, contrived to extract from the pack of cards a hand technically known as a “ heart flush,” with an ace at the head, which he laid in his lap to be used when the “ pot” upon the table should assume imposing proportions. The opportunity soon' came; the stakes were high, and somebody was certain to lose a great deal of money. Then the man with the excellent hand in his lap “ went better” and reached down in his lap for the winning cards. His lap was empty. At the same moment Mr. Ira Wetherbee felt something cold touch his wrist and found the cold object to be his dog’s nose. In the dog’s mouth were several cards. Mr. Wetherbee fook the cards, saw what they were, and promptly played them, winning the pile of lucre upon the table and making good at once his wasted fortunes. Truly, as has been already remarked on various occasions, the dog is man’s best friend.— Chicago Tribune.