Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 May 1875 — GLEANINGS. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

GLEANINGS.

—Btadp-huntcra—-Fine-teeth combs. —What relation is the door to the doorsuit A step farther. —The standing ahny averages one commissioned officer to Twelve men. —California merchants give a dollar «hromo with every pound of fifty-ccnt tea, and then make money. * —The Philadelphia Chronicle mentions the death of a millionaire “ who was quite a respectable person.” —This is the way an “ intelligent comp.” set up the Halls of the Montezumas : “The Hells of the Monte Games.” —Come now. Are you ever going to stop talking al>out that “ shot heart! round the world?” Shoot tliat shot. —lt is easier to bear up under our misfortunes than to survive the continents of ear friends on them. —The Rochester Democrat proposes to date the origin ol'the Genesee Falls 100 years back ahd have a centennial. —Now that it is learned that the fruit buds are destroyed, all the small speculators will go into the fruit trade. —lt is a saddening spectacle to see people squandering money, and know that you can't help them do it. —Danbury News. —“ I say, Pat. what are you about—sweeping out the room r” “ No.” answers Pat, **f am sweeping onl. the dirt and leaving the room.” —Twenty sophomores of Dartmouth College are afflicted w ith that cheerful and picturesque complaint known as the mumps. —- —A lady in Lexington, Kv., who is 110 years old persists in puffing her young life away through the stem of a tobacco pipe. Islu* has been at it over fifty years. —A cruel and unusual punishment is inflicted on the prisoners in the Bangor (M«.) jail, wallowing the.students from, the Theological Seminary to preach raw sermons to them. —A Detroiter is to be married on the Fourth of July. Few men care to invite «t such aa early stage in the matrimonial career the blowing up which is at some time sure to come. . ....... —The Tulare (Cal.) Times resents as an outrage the conduct of some parties who are cutting one of tlie big trees in the Tulare* grove, thirty feet in diameter and over 300 in height, for exhibition at the Centennial.

—Epitaphs were discussed before a fellow of twenty-five, who thought they were too complicated, and gave the. following as what he would like to have on his tomb: “JOHN THOMPSON. 1850-1050.” —A Virginia widow refused to marry a bald-headed man. though he was a millionaire. She explained: “We’d have a family light some time, and he Inis no hair to catch hold of, ” —Think what destruction would have been caused if the spelling-school fever had ever struck the'Aztec Empire! Why, when they were at their meals ami wanted bread they had to ask for totauquitlaxcallillaquelpacholli. —Jt is cited by the New York papers as a curious fact that while the filthy, tum-ble-down markets of that city are crowded from morning till night rib one can sell anything in those which are handsome and spacious. —The Italian geographers have made considerable progress in the interior of Africa, and claim by letter to have discovered one of the Nile heads. They have not yet come across Stanley, but he will find them before tlrey get through. —Neither the advice of others nor their experience is worth anything to the average man. noted gunner in Maine, who leaves a wife and five children, tried to pull a double-barreled gun out of a chest by the muzzle the other day. —lt was Jones who got mad at his wife the other night when he thought he heard burglars in ihe house. She wouldn't let him go down in any more than the single garment he had on * lest if he should get stabbed she’d have to mend a hole in his pants. —A quiet, peaceable gentleman in Philadelphia has recently "given up business, sent his family into tile country and calmly announces his determination of devoting the remainder of his life to discovering the man who sent him a paving-stone by express with seventeen dollars charges on it. -r----l —Louisville has had a sensation., A bull-dog beloHgiirg to a prominent citizen attempted to chew a “ spoon” fish-hook; one of the prongs entered his upper lip and the other the lower. No one dared to take it out until chloroform was administered to the furious animal. —A St. Louis scientist read a paper at a scientific gathering the other day to prove that the winters are growing colder and the summers warmer. It does not need an argument to prove the first part of the statement: a look at the bottom of the coalbin settles the fact.

—Those unfortunate persons who have been discomfited at the spelling-matches may, perhaps, derive some consolation from the fact that two great writers of the English language, Artemus Ward and Chaucer, had a very insufficient acquaintance with orthography. —The age of heroism is not entirely run out. There, for example, is Mrs. 'BliLikins. who says “ it s too hard times to buy a new bonnet this spring. 1 ' and she has resolved not to do it. A more remarkable instance of heroic self denial on the part of modern womankind can scarcely be imagined. —The berretta. an article to which allusion has frequently been made in connection with the investment of Cardinal McCloskev, is the usual square cap worn when in church by all Catholic priests who are not officiating at die altar; only in the case of a Cardinal its color is scarlet instead of black. —Mrs. M. H. Burnham's notion of a spring hat: “It won’t make much difference this weather whether one has a nice spring hat or a poor one. , A little flannel hood lined with camphor and trimmed about die ears with roasted onions for the earache, and rigged with American mus-tard-leaves for face trimming, will suit our neuralgic condition best.” —Peter Tyce, of Scotch Plains, N. J:, woke hia wife up at two o’clock in the morning, laid a pocket-book on the table, saying: “ There’s money enough to bury both of us,” and then committed suicide, 1 but his wife didn’t imitate his example, and probably spent her share of the money on an attractive mourning" dress with frills. * ’ . —Thomas White, of Petersburg, Va. has presented to the Virginia State Library’ a curious and valuable lithograph. It consists of a small portrait oLa venerable negro, under which is, in facsimile, a note from Lafayette bearing date of Sept. 19, 1784, certifying that the bearer had done essential service as a spy in the British

camp and exhorting .citizen* of the State to see that he wqs rewarded. —ls married’men will attend the spell-ing-matches they had better! leave their wives at home. It isn’t comfortable to walk home with her and have the dear creature muttering at every step: ‘‘l’m ashamed of your ignorance,” and ” If you can't spell ‘agitate’ I’ll teach you when you get home.” No; it’s disheartening. —Mihrn ulVe News. —Mr. William Squires, an Oregon sawmill oVviu-r, has asked the Centennial Commissioners if they would like to have him furnish for exhibition a fir plank twelve feet wide and 100 feet long; a spruce plank eight feet wide, cedar seven feet, larch seven feet and hemlock five feet , or even larger if wished. He also promises to supply planks of Chittim wood, the material of which Noah built his ark.

—According to Drake, the Boston historian, there, was in that city in 1725 a seventeen-year-old boy with all the traits of Jesse l’omeroy, who enticed three little c hildren into by-places and tortured them. The penalty indicted upon him was thirtynine lashes at the cart’s tail, twelve at the gallows, thirteen at two other places, and hard labor in the Bridewell for six months. —Last season P. was attacked with the cholera, and his friends and physicians gave him up as a lost ease. As he lay there, apparently upon his death-bed, the .doctor asked him if the medicine lie had taken had in any manner affected his teeth. “ I don’t know,” faintly whispered I*., “but you can see; they are in the top drawer of the bureau. Mrs, P. will hand them to you.” —At Cedar Keys, Fla., a real pirate has appeared —an aged Spaniard, who calls himself Bios cle Riilfo. He once assisted in the burial of a large amount of treasure at Cedar Keys, which lie has returned >tb unearth, and lias actually succeeded in discovering an irem box containing many precious stones and old ■Spanish coins of an estimated value of SIO,OOO.

—A curious ease at Penfield, N. Y., is that of an insane woman of property, named Shepherd; whose father is her conservator appointed by the court, and who, notwithstanding her lunacy, lias been persistently courted by a neighboring farmer named Scribner. A judicial order was finally obtained directing him to discontinue" his attentions. In spite thereof, however, lie took her out to ride, and carried her home to his mother’s house, refusing to surrender her to her /ather, and resisting with firearms an attempt to rescue her. Scribner was subsequently arrested and committed for trial for contempt of court. ■ • : —A man in Baltimore called on a gravedigger one day to have his wife’s grave sodded. He was an extremely penurious man and higgled a long time over the price of the sodding. Suddenly lie became mute, while his eyes were fixed upon a neighboring tombstone. llis daughter and the gravedigger stood back in respect for the feelings of the old gentleman, in whose mind they supposed the sight of that tablet had called up the memory of a dear departed friend, for grief was depicted in his countenance and he was visibly agitated. At length the deep emotion which swelled his bosom found vent in this pathetic outburst: “My God! when did that man die? lie owes me S2OO, and I’ll never see a cent of it!” —The young hero of the following narrative must have a mercurial temperament. The Gilroy (Cal.) Advocate says: “ A few days ago Mrs. Anna Babb’s little boy drank a pound of quicksilver. The child is less than three- years old, and even in California is considered rather young to indulge in so strong a beverage. He found the mercury bottle in some rubbish in an old trunk while playing, and drank the whole, leaving but a few drops. The physician was sent for, who administered some light remedy. The child gave no other indication of*having taken the inercury Thun drowsiness. The metal did not all leave the stomach for ten days, but he was about all the time ami is now bright as ever.” —A Kentucky youth won her sweet consent to be liis bright, his beauteous bride, and nothing stood in their way but the obduracy of a stiff - ahd unpleasant old grandfather of the lady. He observed that lie wouldn’t have it, and was deaf to weepings and wailings. One morning the malignant grandpapa woke very late to find a strong smell of chloroform in liis room aud a total absence of the voting lady from liis house. She had fled; she was married, and the old gentleman lias been duly called upon for the usual forgiveness. The sweet and innocent maiden had called science to her aid and thus secured a husband. —The following ingenious arrangement of a sentence is taken from the Carolina Sentinel. April 7, 1818. It may Ik* read in over 2,000 ways without altering the original words, by beginning at the letter K, which will be found in tlie center of the diamond:

—The mule is certainly a hard animal to kill, especially if he makes up his mind that he will not die. On the mountainside. burdened with a heavy pack, his foothold is as fijm. and sure as the earth on which it rests: but when the earth gives way. as it sometimes does, pack and mule go rolling over and over down the steep hill or precipice; the animal may lie killed, app;irently, two or three times before he gets to the bottom, but he lias generally lives enough deft,to secure him a good old age and natural death. I have seen a wheel mule I*l hand become buried under a heavily-loaded wagon so completely that not a hint of the animal was visible. Tet when the wagon and load wore removed the mule got up and grazed as though nothing had happened, and seemed to lie the only part)’ there that Was not surprised. I did hear of one mule in the West which died from violence. He fell into a quartz mill and was stamped to a jelly: then passed into the furnace and was roasted to a white heat, which made him perspire freely.- On coming out of the furnace a foolish man declared he was dead. But it is said that when a curious skeptic pounded up some of the furnace quartz with a pestle shortly after the bray of the mule in the mortar was distinctly heard.— S. J. Bamncs, in Atlantic for May. ’