Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 31, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 April 1875 — PHUNNYGRAMS. [ARTICLE]

PHUNNYGRAMS.

—Two good-natured Irishmen, on a certain occasion, occupied the same bed. In the morning one of them inquired ©f the other: “ Dennis, did you hear tundher last night?” “ No, Pat, did it really tundher?” “Yes, it thundered as if hivin and earth would come togither.” “ Why, then, didn’t ye wake me, for ye know I can’t slape when it tundhers?” —A woman pretty well advanced in years called into an avenue grocery on Saturday and asked to look at some dried fruit. Specimens were shown her and prices named, and after some hesitation she said; “My daughter and me are making up a box for our relashuns in lowa, who got eat out by the grasshoppers, and if you’ve got some fruit which is a leetle musty and a leetle cheaper it would do just as well! ” Washington Chronicle. —“ Hair gettin’ a little thin, sir,” said the barber. “Young man,” said John Henry, looking down upon him from the height of a solemn experience: “ young man, when you are married, you will never allude in that thoughtless manner to domestic afflictions. No; don’t apologize. My feelings are blunted. But is there not some mysterious unguent — some soft, seductive compound that makes the hair more slippery to the grasp?” —A curate, preaching to the women of his parish, in the interior of Columbia, said: “There is one among my audience of so scandalous a behavior that I have resolved—but no, I will give no names, because that would not be Christian charity. But I will just throw my bonnet at her that you may know who she is.” The good curate then took off his bonnet and made as if he was about to throw it/shouting, “ That is the vile woman I” All the women present held down their heads to avoid the bonnet. “ Dios immenso!” exclaimed the cure, “ I thought there was only one sinner, but I see conscience accuses all of you.”