Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 April 1875 — A Schoolmaster Around Loose. [ARTICLE]

A Schoolmaster Around Loose.

Four or five days ago a man about forty years of age, looking as if he had been drawn over a dusty floor for an hour or two, called upon one of the members of the Board of Education and introduced himself as William Cannon Harrison, of Saginaw County. He was politely received, and he commenced business promptly by saying: “ I’m a-looking for a situation as a school-teacher.” “ Ah, ha!” replied the member, wondering why the man wasn’t looking for a woodpile. “ I could have brought a pile of recommends so high,” continued the man, measuring with his hands, “ but recommends don’t amount to nothing.” “ And have you any school in view?” asked the member. “ I want to get in here,’in Detroit,” replied the man. “What wages do you pay?” “ I’m afraid ” began the member, when the schoolmaster interrupted: “Oh! well, I s’pose you pay going wages, and that’s all I can ask for. I don’t want to put on style and live high, as I’m getting a leetle old and ought to save money.” “As I was going to remark ” said the member, when the schoolmaster suddenly inquired: “Do they allow licking in the schools here? If they dQ, I’m the man you want to dress the boys down! I’ve had ’em come for me by the dozen, and it would do your heart good to see the way I laid ’em! Why, when I had that school in Bay County I thought nothing of licking thirty scholars a day, besides hearing twelve classes recite! I’m an old screamer, I tell you, and there’s dun in me when you get me wQke up!” “ I hardly think ” commenced the member again, when the schoolmaster jumped up and said: “Of course you won’t take me unless I pass examination, but I hain’t afraid of not passing. I’d like to see the word I couldn’t spell! For instance: ‘Catarrh:’ C-a-t-a-r-r-h—catarrh. ‘Dandelion:’ D-a-n----d-e-l-i-o-n—dandelion; or try me on words of four syllables. ‘ Lugubrious:’ L-u-g-u-b-r-i-o-U-s—lugubrious. Oh! I can knock the socks right off’n these swell-head teachers and not half try!” “I-should like to help you,” put in the member, “but ”

“ Oh! you needn’t think I’m behind on geography,” interrupted the teacher. “For instance: What is an isthmus? An isthmus is a narrow strip of land connecting two larger bodies. Is the world round or flat? Round. Why is it round? Because it is. Which is the largest river in the world? The Amazon. Which is the highest mountain? The Andes. I might go on for seventyfive days this way and then not tell vou half I know!” “ You seem to be pretty well posted in geography, but as I wanted to tell ” “ And on grammar, too!” exclaimed the teacher, jumping up again. “ What is a noun? A noun is the name of any person, place or thing. Give us an example: Man, dog, cat, coon, goat, jack-knife,fish-hook, gate-post. What are the principal conjunctions? And, as, both, because, for, if, that, or, neither, either and so forth, and so forth. Oh! I’m right on the roof of the meeting-house when you sling grammar at me!” The member was getting desperate, and as soon as he could get in a word he said: “ I will take your name, and as soon as a vacancy .” “And 1 know arithmetic from cover to cover!” exclaimed the man, standing up again. “I can go through the tables like lightning through a haystack, and when you get to fractions and cube-root I’m awful—l weigh a ton and a half and still growing! ’Rithmetic’s my favorite study, and I’ll 'give you fifty, dollars to find a man who’ll saw sums in two and plane ’em down as quickly as I can! ” His speech took the wind out of him, and the member managed to say there was no vacancy at present, but he woultj take his name and consider his case as soon as one occurred: “I’d like to commence right off’,” re6 lied the man, “but I’m willing to wait. [ere’s my name, and the minit I get your letter I’ll come down a-flying. If you get me you don’t get much style but you get solid old common sense and genuine education. You won’t see scholars playing hide-and-coop around the wood-box or marbles on the floorno, you won’t!” And he went down stairs.— Detroit Free Press.