Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 January 1875 — PHUNNYGRAMS. [ARTICLE]

PHUNNYGRAMS.

—As a Louisville girl was taking leave of a gentleman at her father’s house one evening recently she said to him: “If you ever hear that T am in the habit of allowing my male acquaintances to kiss me good-by you mustn’t believe it, as! seldom allow such liberties.” The close of that interview may be imagined. —A spruce youngster with his darling, who came from the regions west of Arcanum to take a look at the bright feature of our city, were standing near the ticket office, at the depot, last evening, waiting for the departure of the train which was to take them home. It was cool and dreary, and the temperature was touching up the girl’s ears and nose with a blending of purple and red. “Look here, Josh!" she exclaimed, petulantly, “ I’m tired standing up here. I’m half froze. Let’s go to that place (ladies’ room). Everybody else goes in there!” “No, you don’t!" said Josh. “No sir-ee! I’ve spent money enough now, and I ain’t agoin’ to pay to go in there!” — Dayton. Democrat. ■■ —A New Englander, riding in a railroad car, seemed particularly disposed to astonish the other passengers with tough stories about Yankeedom. At last he mentioned that one of his neighbors owned an immense dairy, and made a million pounds of butter and a million pounds of cheese yearly. This story produced some sensation; and the Yankee, perceiving that his veracity was in danger of being questioned, appealed to a friend, asjifollows: “True, isn’t it, Mr. P.? I speak of Deacon Brown—you know Deacon Brown?” “ Y-e-e-s,” replied the friend; “that is, yes; I know Deacon Brown; I don’t know as I ever heard precisely how many pounds of butter and cheese he makes a year, but I know that he has twelve saw-mills that go by buttermilk.” —When Mr. Blank lost his wife he lay down on the floor, and for seven hours without intermission, except for meals, he beat the carpet vehemently with his boot-heels and cried: “ What shall Ido?” When his elderly servant mildly said, “ She’s in a bettef place,” he beat the ground still more violently, and roared more piteously than ever. Still nothing seemed to come of it, and echo merely sent his wild question back again upon his swelling heart. In a sympathetic tone his faithful attendant warned him that he would weak himself out, whereat he became inconsolable, and frantically exclaimed: “ What shall I do?” The elderly woman advised him to look out of the window awhile. He looked out, and in six months he was a newly-married man. His neighbor, who had sustained a similar loss, never groaned, and never marat Work.