Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 January 1875 — PHUNNYGRAMS. [ARTICLE]

PHUNNYGRAMS.

—“ Sally, what have you done with the cream?” “Sure, ma’am,l took the scum and gave it to the cats.” ' —“I always thought I should never rear that child,” said an old lady of ninety on hearing of the death of her son, aged seventy. —An urchin being rebuked for wearing out his stockings at the toes replied that it couldn’t be helped—“ toes wiggled, and heels didn’t.” —His name was Wrath, and when he asked his girl to marry him she gave him a soft answer, and the soft answer turned away»Wrath. —A Missourian offers $l5O and three mules to any girl who will marry him. But the question'’arises, What can any young lady do with four mules? y —An Irishman, who was drinking the health of a Bishop, gave this toast: “ May your rivirence live to eat the old hen that crows over your grave!” —The opinion is being strengthened every day that the man who first made a shirt to button behind did more for the world than one who has discovered five comets. —A widow was weeping bitterly for the loss of her husband, and a friend tried to console her. “ No, no,” said she; “ let me have my cry out, and then ! shan’t care anything more about it.” —“ Now, Sammy, tell me, have you read the story of Joseph?’’ “ Oh, yes, unde.” “ Well, then, what wrong did they do when they sold their brother?” “ They sold him too cheap, I think.” —Young Idea—“ Grandma, here’s a book called * The Descent of Man’ says men were all monkeys once. Is it true?” Grandma —“ Sakes alive! It must have been ’fore my time. I don’t recollect anything about it.” —Reading the great Spurgeon’s declaration that “ a cigar is a thing to thank God for,” a Liberty street school-boy bought a cigar. He was afterward seen hanging over a fence, but he was not giving thanks.— Rome Sentinel. '! —Old Bachelor Uncle—“ Well, Charlie, "what do you want now?” Charlie—“ Oh, I want to be rich?’ Uncle —“ Rich? why so? Charlie—“ Because I want to be Eetted. Ma says you are an old fool, ut must be petted because you are rich —but it’s a great secret and I mustn’t tell!”