Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 December 1874 — PHUNNYGRAMS. [ARTICLE]

PHUNNYGRAMS.

—A Chien go man woke hiswife the other night; and, in a startled tone of voice, informed her that he had swallowed a dose of strychnine. “ Well, you fool," said she, “ lie still or it may come up.” —“ Now, then,” said a physician, cheerily, to a patient, “ you have got along far enough to indulge in a little animal food, and ” “ No, you don’t, Doctor," interrupted the patient; “I’ve suffered enough on your gruel and slops, and I’d starve sooner than begin on hay and oats?’ —The Detroit Free Press tells about an urchin who was seated on the Postoffice steps of that city, going through a watermelon, when a man halted and asked: “This is a great town for hogs, isn’t it, bub?” “ Wall, no,” drawled the lad, as he filled his mouth again, and kept his eyes on the man, “you’ll be awful lonesome here.” AFiAtEain on tlie Saginawßoad had nearly reached the junction, the other day, an old lady suddenly shouted out ; “ Stop tliis keer —stop her!” A passenger wanted to know what was up. and the old woman ran up and down the passageway and excitedly exclaimed: “Where’s the man who runs these kgers? I’ve left a quart bottle of cold tea at Detroit ” The train didn’t back up. —A twelve-year-old-boy, pretty well dressed, entered "an office on Jefferson avenue the day before Thakseiving and begged for twenty cents. “Want" it to buy a Thanksgiving dinner with?” asked the proprietor. “Yes." answered the boy. “ What'll you get—a chicken?" " No, sir." replied the boy, very honestly. “ M e’ve got a turkey, and we want some i oysters to stuff it with!" The srentle- ’ man put his wallet back. Detroit Free Press. _ —ln one of cur Walnut street drv I goods houses is employed a young man of diminutive stature and' somewhat feminine appearance, although a tip-top i salesman and clerk. Ong day, npt long ’ since, a little girl was sent to the store ! to make some purchases, and it fell to , the lot of -this young man to attend to her. She was a mere bunch of femininity, not able to talk plain. She asked if ihe had atty " totten flannel.” He replied ; that he had. and asked how much She wanted. “ I don’t know,” was the replv. “Well, what do you want it for?”, said the clerk, “ Want to make papa?;! §hirt,” " Well, how big is your papa ; is he as big as me?” “ Big’as you."said the little maiden* ” I dess he is; he. wouldn’t be much of „ a .papa if hfc wasn'tJ’— ; State Register.