Rensselaer Union, Volume 7, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 December 1874 — Disputing the Legal Existence of a Court. [ARTICLE]

Disputing the Legal Existence of a Court.

It has been well remarked by a distintingubhedhistorian that “for ways that are dark and tricks tha’, are vain the Heathen Chinee.is peculiar,” and this wise aphorism might be truthfully.applied to the average California attorney. A case in which one of this class figured occurred in the municipal Criminal Court last week. Mr, Blank, a young attorney of the last-mentioned class, appeared as counsel for a villainous-look-ing Chinaman, w ho was called to receive sentence on his third conviction oh one charge of grand larceny. Ab Shook was told to stajid up. and the Judge gazed upon him with an eye in which there was a varied assortment of, stern justice and commiseration, Mr. Blank slowly rose from his chair, ran his botiy fingers through his raven locks, and, extending his right arm in a dignified and authoritative manner, signified his intention of making a little speech. “ I propose.” said Mr. Blank, waving his hand at the assembled spectator' with rare self-possession—“l propose to contest the authority of this court in the matter people of the State of California versus my worthy and innocent client, Ah Shook; I propose, may it please your Honor—and 1 don’t think it will—l propose to establish the (act that this court has no authority and no legal existence and that all its acts since its assumed organization have been null and void and non rwtpio inent ix. ” “ Hold on, young man!” exclaimed the Court, tyith a deprecatory motion of the jiMlicial hand, “ that game won’t play here worth a cent. v' hile this court has the deal the percentage remains in its favor, and you needn't think you Can hog the game or bust the bank. ' Maybe you think you’re playing it smart, but thia Court has bad its eye-teeth tiled and sand-papered long ago, and all traces of vegetation have been carefully extirpated from its opticular organs." . “ May it please your Honor,” responded Mr. Blank, “1 have a long line of authorities to present. Here, James, bring in the documents.’’ At these words a little boy about three feet high entered

the court room bearing about fifty ponderous tomes. “ Now, your Honor,” continued Mr. Blank, " I move that the defendant be discharged on the ground that the court has no legal existence." The Court adjusted its spectacles and remarked gravely: “Young fyller, there are times when patience ceases to be a virtue." At Uns juncture the Deputy’ Sheriff stood behind the attorney ready and willing to take him by the collar and throw him down stairs; the clerk in an abstracted manner laid his hand upon a heavy glass inkstand, and the porter 'stood at the door with a large-sized broom in his hand. “My friend,” continued the Court, mildly, “it is now autumn, when l^e cottonwoods shed their leaves and nothing is green but the evergreen. But you make a—hem—a condemned mistake when you take me for an evergreen. In all the experience of this Court it has never happened that an attorney was fool enough to request the Court to legislate itself out of office, and .out of the perquisites and emoluments pertaining to the same. This Court was at first disposed to deal leniently with this depraved heathen; but in order to vindicate its autho’ity it imposes a sentence upon your client of four years in the ! State Prison. As for your authorities, ■ you may go—ahem—to the Supreme Court or anywhere else with them. This Court stands upon its dignity, sir, and if it did not respect your poverty’ it would impose a fine of $1 50 upon you for con- ‘ tempt; but the Court is magnanimous, sir. You may take your hand oil' his collar, Mr. Sheriff. The court now adjourns for refreshments.” The lawyer was seen half an hour later loading up an express wagon with 1 bis authorities. — Francisco Morning Call.